Archive

Signe Green Page Posts: 28 (1/12/02 11:29:19 pm) Reply Re: Desires -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- truly lovely Gyr, I'm glad you decided to post it. Signe's Homepage

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 179 (1/12/02 11:10:40 pm) Reply Re: Desires -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *blushes* Thank you!

gwaihir1 Poet Posts: 64 (1/12/02 8:24:19 pm) Reply Desires -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This reminds me of a different poem I've read, I wish I knew who's. Really nice. It's always pleasing to see a truly worthwhile work of art done on an already done subject.

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 153 (1/3/02 11:09:35 pm) Reply Re: Nevermore, et al -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyr laughs and applauds* I like, as always. Go Planeswalkery goodness.... oh yes, which reminds me... *Gyr goes to get a new M:tG book for school* Thanks, Zadown!

Balladore Page Posts: 20 (1/3/02 5:58:48 pm) Reply Re: Nevermore, et al -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The last episode was extremely good; I feel sorry for those poor souls, though. Keep them coming. (the entries, not the souls :-))

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 408 (11/29/01 7:43:31 pm) Reply Nevermore, et al -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Peredhil urges the Dreamer to collect all these into a set of short stories and get them published. You've related a coherent glimpse into a fascinating world, internally consistent, that has me looking for and reading your entries when I really should make the time to do so. Really, really good stuff! On a side note, Peredhil also apologizes for his tongue-in-cheek teasing of Z|Dead the other night on IRC. No offense was meant.

gwaihir1 Poet Posts: 62 (1/2/02 1:58:21 pm) Reply Re: Shattered Night -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- nice.

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 152 (1/1/02 10:50:00 pm) Reply Re: Shattered Night -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *applauds* I like this.

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 756 (1/1/02 6:25:31 pm) Reply ezSupporter Shattered Night -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Very Nicely done. I agree with Bhurin. Note, you need an apostrophe in sun's in the line Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the suns burning -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Again, well done. -P

Bhurin Initiate Posts: 16 (1/1/02 12:50:50 pm) Reply Shattered Night -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Banquet Hall Nyyark First off, let me say that I loved your continuous use of metaphors and personifacation throughout this piece. Few people would (or could) write a poem with nearly all of its devices sewn in metaphor. When I started reading this poem, I feared that it would be about a reused message (that of hope and endurance), but the style in which you presented it was subtle and well phrased. I greatly enjoyed this piece.

Balladore Page Posts: 19 (1/1/02 7:06:09 pm) Reply Re: Duel of the Divine -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well... King James English... what can I say? I don't know anything about it, that's what I can say ;-) I did enjoy the Story, especially the sacrafice at the end... it was a classic Good Vs. Evil fight, and I enjoy that type of stuff :-) Keep them coming!

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 149 (12/31/01 4:15:17 pm) Reply Re: Duel of the Divine -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyr applauds* Very good... I especially liked the poetry, though its strange that the evil god was the one speaking in poetry while the good goddess was the big booming voice and normal sentances. I don't know, i just always thought that poetry was more.... light-hearted? Hmm... can't think of the words, but more connected to the 'good' side.

Bhurin Initiate Posts: 14 (12/31/01 1:02:35 pm) Reply Re: Duel of the Divine -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having reread the story, Bhurin sheepishly smiles. "I think your right. I guess I got a little dramatic there. Oh well, no one ever said the Gods were perfect..."

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 751 (12/31/01 7:26:51 am) Reply ezSupporter Duel of the Divine -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Assembly Room, Bhurin Very well done. Like all your works I've read so far, the scene descriptions are vivid enough I feel as though I'm watching them on a a movie screen. The use of the word "cometh" seems misplaced to my 'inner ear' as I read. (I like to read a loud.) I'd thought in the King James English the 'th' replaced 's' such that cometh would be comes, but I haven't checked. Keep them coming - you have great talent! -Peredhil

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 752 (12/31/01 7:28:17 am) Reply ezSupporter Re: The Retired Wizard -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I love things like the Inn's origin story. The history behind the play. Delightful. Great characterizations - you have a knack for fleshing out a character in a few broad strokes of your Pen. Good reading!

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 148 (12/29/01 9:48:19 pm) Reply The Retired Wizard -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oooo, I like this one. My favorite is the young mage's assumption that this archmage is going to be a bearded old codger, and it turns out to be a beautiful woman. =)

Bhurin Initiate Posts: 8 (12/29/01 12:01:22 am) Reply Re: Thrice in life -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Foe, I just adore this poem (it is one of my favorites of all you have written). I'm a stikler for structure and rhyme and such, and this poem sent shivers down my spine when I read it aloud. Keep playing with this style.

Foe Calibur Page Posts: 18 (12/22/01 12:07:10 am) Reply Re: Thrice in life -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You are quite correct, the comma should not be there. Also, in the case of the "knell" it means the sounding of a bell (so to speek). So, the sounding of death's bell. The alas in the fourth stansa is more to imply the inevitability of the action. Or untill 'finnally' our heavenly state is assured. Thank you for the criticism, it helps me remember that I don't just write for myself

Minta Rose Elder Posts: 66 (12/21/01 3:14:23 pm) Reply Thrice in life -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Foe Calibur, Banquet Room) The repetition of three, in two-times-three tercets (three-line stanzas) unifies the poem well. The meter and repeating rhyme help bind the author's flowery vocabulary, making this one of the easiest works for me to understand. Thinking further, the lines provide punctuation that sometimes puzzles me in the text: Thrice upon the earth we dwell to rid the land ‘ere ever more,/Shade’s betroth’ed fervid knell. Are we ridding the land of the knell? (If so, moving the comma after 'more' to after 'dwell' would delineate that meaning.) Also, why the 'alas' in the fourth stanza?

Bhurin Initiate Posts: 7 (12/28/01 11:57:08 pm) Reply Re: The End to Darkness -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Foe-san. Arigato watashi no ii tomadachi desu. Took me a moment to find this place.. But I think I've got the layout now. (Now if I could just find the lavatory)...

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 747 (12/27/01 7:21:28 am) Reply ezSupporter Re: The End to Darkness -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Good FRP poem. Always nice to translate play to poetry. Welcome and keep it up! Zips away to resend the passwords, pricked by a posted comment in another thread.

Foe Calibur Page Posts: 26 (12/27/01 1:12:27 am) Reply Re: The End to Darkness -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Written in true Bhurin style I may say. Well done my friend, well done. When the poem was read the atmosphere was perfect, the words illustrated, very adequately, an air of mystery, just enough to add to what we had assumed. Nobody knew, but everybody guessed. None believed but none turned away. Everyone was questioning, no one had answers, it was perfect. Shi ga ii desu!

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 145 (12/27/01 12:10:06 am) Reply The End to Darkness -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hope ye find this, Bhurin... Whoo, AD&D! Very good. =) *claps*

Foe Calibur Page Posts: 22 (12/22/01 7:21:24 pm) Reply Re: Embers of Fire -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Very true my friend, with life the way it is we tend to ignore the important factors that make home what it is. We lend heart to that which will lend in return, not that wich needs it the most. Well done, a healthy reminder.

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 736 (12/22/01 6:26:51 pm) Reply ezSupporter Embers of Fire -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Dragcor Warwick, Banquet Hall) I think I once knew that home It resides in a glass globe. So easily lost... I think I'll make the effort to search for mine again. You've reminded me of how it felt. -P