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Brute3 Initiate Posts: 8 (2/15/02 10:59:50 pm) Reply Re: The Dark Queen's Revenge -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- wow. Wyvern finally gave me the pw for this place. Imagine my surprise when there's actually someone saying something about my story. I'm humbled, but I'll never be satisfied with it. ehh... THank you all. I think that I really needed a bit of encouragement, for I re-read it the other day and felt like it shoulda been erased. +Perahps I'll continue on and see if I can't maybe improve it somewhat. Brute O Drunken One

Signe Green Page Posts: 38 (2/12/02 11:52:20 pm) Reply Re: The Dark Queen's Revenge -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- this is exquisitely detailed and rich! I seldom, I admit, read the long stories, but this one I will certainly follow avidly. Signe's Homepage

Wyvern00 Elder of Initiates Posts: 392 (2/12/02 6:07:20 am) Reply Re: The Dark Queen's Revenge -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- With me around, that means you have at *least* four avid readers. [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze.

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 245 (2/11/02 10:46:20 pm) Reply Re: The Dark Queen's Revenge -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyr reads happily and waits for more!*

gwaihir1 Elder of Lists and Poetry Posts: 101 (2/11/02 11:46:04 am) Reply Re: The Dark Queen's Revenge -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- audience of more than one!, this is a really entertaining read ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark

peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 905 (2/11/02 11:17:47 am) Reply ezSupporter The Dark Queen's Revenge -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brute - Library I like this! You have an audience of at least one! You shouldn't be allowed to be your own audience - you're too harsh on yourself. I didn't want to clutter up your story with comments, so I thought I'd better post my OOC comment here. -Peredhil

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 279 (2/25/02 10:06:11 pm) Reply Re: Peredhil considers booting this to the Critic's Corner -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ooo... all I have to say is: Yay! Go Cheyenne!

Wyvern00 Elder of Initiates Posts: 427 (2/25/02 9:23:38 am) Reply Re: Peredhil considers booting this to the Critic's Corner -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Moved to Critic's Corner, as that's where the feedback threads technicaly belong. I'm with Falcon and Peredhil, BTW. Great to see you actively posting again Cheye. [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze.

peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 955 (2/25/02 9:11:01 am) Reply ezSupporter Peredhil considers booting this to the Critic's Corner -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Knowing that that is where it belongs, but realizes he lacks the power... Although I do agree completely with what he says. Welcome back Cheyenne.

Cheye69 Quill-Bearer Posts: 75 (2/25/02 1:04:27 am) Reply Re: A little praise thing for Cheye -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That was incredibly thoughtful and sweet. Thank you.

Falcon2001 Quill-Bearer Posts: 217 (2/24/02 11:13:01 pm) Reply A little praise thing for Cheye -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, you've written so many and my computer's so dang slow that I can't just repeat myself on each poem. Really good job on the latest poems, a very dark feel which comes across really well and makes for good reading. I've heard a lot of good things about you from other Pen members, and I'm glad that you vastly outpreform even all the compliments that I've seen. Cioden Darkeye Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword President of the Peredhil Fan Club Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta

Lady Celes Crusader Quill-Bearer Posts: 154 (2/21/02 9:33:02 pm) Reply Re: Wow -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My... First, it was a great frustration pourer. I've worked in a small advertising agency. The method wasn't exactly the same, but the goal was identical: Sell an idea, objet, habit to a consumer. Of course, I've also read a lot of marketing publishing magazines and I've noticed all these statistic they are showing, they decorticated adds, telling why it worked or not. I've could have been more vicious by, among other thing, mentionning about the surveys made over and over again. Notice that they DO ask you if you or anyone of your family works in a marketing related profession. But as I've mentioned through our friend Greg, that was the tip of the iceberg. I've used Greg as a voice of some frustration about this over-consuming oriented society and the abuse its leading. In order to lighten the mood, I've introduced 2 games. The first game are in the titles of each installement and the other, the one Peredhil noticed, is the company name. I've replaced the usual f-word by freakin because you would have seen toons of #$@&... Thanks for the comments and other comments are of course still welcome.

Nyyark Page Posts: 18 (2/21/02 1:45:14 pm) Reply Wow -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just read all three, and I'll have to commend you. This is really interesting and creative, definiatly out of the box. With the first post I was a liitle worried that this would just complain about the hype, but you proved an even deeper thought proccess. I'm impressed. Have you ever wondered why such capitalism is a bad thing though. I find it as bad as pretty much everything else, only disgused worse. Its an interesting dilemma you propose, what can one do. Re-check my opions is my only answer. Nyyark, Keeper of Crows, Page of the Pen.

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 264 (2/19/02 10:28:57 pm) Reply Re: Think -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey, I eat at McDonalds, so don't take the food comparisons *too* far, okay? *grin* Other then that, this is interesting, I'm looking forward to the other two. =)

peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 932 (2/19/02 1:57:17 pm) Reply ezSupporter Think -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Assembly Room - Lady Celes Crusader I really like this. MacBowel??? Great parody! Snickers Looking forward to the next two installments! -P

Lady Celes Crusader Quill-Bearer Posts: 132 (2/11/02 11:29:58 pm) Reply Re: "Shhhh...Quiet" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *lol* Way too funny

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 246 (2/11/02 10:57:21 pm) Reply Re: "Shhhh...Quiet" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyr laughed himself silly on this one* *grin* I *really* like the Wyvern/Orlan statue. *laughs* Oh yeah, Orlan? Your sig is somewhat hard to read with the letters scrunched together like that...

Wyvern00 Elder of Initiates Posts: 391 (2/11/02 4:48:03 pm) Reply Re: "Shhhh...Quiet" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, I must say that this was one of the funniest posts I've read in a long time... Had me gasping for breath, in fact. I may post a continuation of some sort, though I currently lack the time due to midterms... Here's definatly looking forward to reading more Orlan posts.

Orlan Elder of Bards Posts: 67 (2/11/02 12:46:38 pm) Reply Re: "Shhhh...Quiet" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pretty much the same as the UBB stuff It was mostly "Today I cleaned my room, did my laundry, did all my homework, did my taxes, cooked and now I'm still half on the adrenaline high and need to do something" writing lol. Plus I've been writing some semi-serious things that'll probably be posted soon so I need my insanity fix now and then. Besides...it's just fun to mess with Wyvie-poo

peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 904 (2/11/02 11:15:43 am) Reply ezSupporter "Shhhh...Quiet" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Orlan - Recruiting Area I nearly got a nosebleed laughing while I read this. I could just SEE the action. The only thing that could've been more perfect for my personal amusement is if he'd been humming his own soundtrack secret agent music like Krunk in The Emperor's New Groove. There are a lot of clever/fun 'Hooks' for Role Playing in there... This reminds me of some of the Orlan stuff I read on the Old UBB boards back when you had more time to write. -Peredhil

Nyyark Initiate Posts: 9 (2/2/02 5:10:04 pm) Reply Thank you for the constructive critisism -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for the many corrections on my work. As you probably know spelling isn't one of my strong points. I'm glad you pointed out the meter changes, I have incorporated many of them. I left "What" instead of "What'll" for Dialect purposes, but added Joe instead, saving the meter and going well with usual. Now about the "trim" to "Trim" consistency change, all two letter phrases are first in undercase, and then capitalized, like: "Come in" they say, "Come In" I see you are now "An Ancient Polite Bard" so this quite forgiven (besides, some of us know just how much of an ancient polite bard you really are ). Oh and I used comma's instead of periods. In Call of Desolation you were quite right, it was supposed to be quiet instead of quite. Also the "but" has become "Now". Oh, and in the 4th line from the end of your critisism, I belive the word "surgury" supposed to be "surgery". Thankfully yours, -Nyyark

peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 857 (2/2/02 1:25:28 pm) Reply ezSupporter Nyyark's latest three -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shattered Night - Banquet Room. Nice Imagery. Good reminder when one is feeling as withered and creatively sapless as a winter leaf. She opened at Three Good twist ending. Possible meter changes: 2nd line, remove 'they'? Perhaps a period after the 2nd 'come in' in line 4 to mark the end of a stanza, or after 'they say' in line 3 to match the period in line 7. 5th line - reads like the door made the passage... I know you intended for the protagonist. To fit the twisted syntax, perhaps "So I in through the door..."? line 13, suggest "What'll" instead of "What". Line 14 - Uual? perhaps 'Usual'? would parallel the 2nd usage in the same line. Line 16 - Agian == again... Line 18 - rubed should perhaps be 'rubbed'. line 19 - Capitalize 'trim' for consistency? All in all well done - just some nitpicky grammar and spelling... Song: Call of Desolation Line 4 and throughout - Quite Lake. did you mean Quiet by any chance? The eerie peace of a non-emotional robotic mind living a half-life implied in the rest of the song supports Quiet quite nicely. I love the crow reference in the 2nd stanza. You go Crow-boy! I like the rhyme of 'tirade' and 'unmade'. Not something which would've occurred to me. last stanza - "Forsaken, you not real", suggest "you're" instead of you. the repeat of 'but' in the last two lines 'feels' awkward when I read this aloud. All in all, a penetrating insight into the seductive death of emotions. Without feeling, there is no pain. When things are hurting badly, some people seek drugs, alcohol, or even suicide when the pain has gone on too long. Some people perform emotional surgury and life a half-life, neither hurting nor feeling love. The choice to reclaim emotion with all that entails expressed in this song shows a magnificent courage... Grammatically yours, -Peredhil

peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 853 (1/28/02 2:20:03 pm) Reply ezSupporter And pause a moment more, I beg you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Peredhil takes a moment I agree completely with the Founder. Y'all rock. Just a moment about this Critic's Corner. When I had more time (and when I have time again), I gave priority in feedback to Initiates and Members over visitors. And while I might post a 1 or 2 line response in the thread, I tried to post something more here. The other aspect reflects the Unity of the Pen Membership. I've been told, and tried to implement, the phrase "Criticize in private, Public in praise." If you catch a spelling error, or a limping meter, post it in here. Let's help each other to grow with meaningful feedback, but present our best face to the world wandering by our Site. Lastly, the Initiates have access here, and here is a great place for OOC threads for Role Playing Open to all. A private OOC area is in the same genre as actors backstage in a theatrical production. The Audience knows that they're back there, but their ability to 'dis-suspend belief' isn't further strained by seeing the nuts and bolts discussions and realities behind the scenes and productions. A Member production would still be up in the Greenroom, those projects for those 'invitation only' events such as Yui's most excellent Darkness Rising. Peredhil looks guilty, knowing he owes a post there. This area will be as meaningful as we make it... Peredhil An Ancient Polite Bard

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 257 (1/27/02 11:37:19 pm) Reply A Moment, Please... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm realizing I have too many of you to say this to, so I just wanted to say it to everyone at once- Damn, you people are talented! The worst work I read on this site is very good and the best is amazing. I've always loved the fiction that you, my former fellow Archmagers create, but reading your current expanded work, as well as all pieces by everyone who I'd never met/seen until you joined The Pen, I'm floored. I am a man who has neither much time nor great patience, but when I log onto this site and start reading... I was reading the latest works of poetry and it hit me, "This is wonderful." I was sitting here with my odd little mix list of 80s rock, Anime soundtracks, The Muppets and others playing as I read smiling, longing for company, rejoicing in the quiet, and staying up way past my bedtime-again. For me, there's nothing like creating with all of you or reading your creations. Thank you so much. Ozymandias steps down from his soapbox. Taking it under his arm, and with a short bow, he turns and leaves.

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 832 (1/13/02 2:43:30 pm) Reply ezSupporter Good Stuff -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- you've still got it, Ranger-man! In my opinion, anyone is lucky to have a friend with such caring and selflessness.