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Orlan Elder of Bards Posts: 94 (3/22/02 3:08:37 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- lol...ahh whoopsie doodle....uhm... Would you believe it's still in my noggin I forgot my good ending, but I have the rushed ending still up here...I'll probably spit it out one of these days

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 485 (3/22/02 1:30:59 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ozymandias bows to the resident funkmaster of prose. The bardish personality was intentional, actually. After all, are any two monks exactly alike? ;>) Overall, my time to work on my replies sucks, but I *try* not to let that get in the way. I will see what I can come up with, Sensei. Thanks. But as long as we're on the criticism bent- Where's the rest of the Archamge Epic?! Hmmmm??? Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 3/22/02 1:51:12 pm

Wyvern00 Elder of Initiates Posts: 547 (3/21/02 10:51:54 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Indeed, thanks very much for the comments *Orlan* (polite shoulder nudge to Gyrfalcon and a clearing of the throat ). I always enjoy reading over constructive criticism more then simple praises, and will also take your words into account. Also, thanks for just taking the time to read the whole thread up till now... I know it's quite long... [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 3/21/02 10:52:36 pm

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 308 (3/21/02 10:38:53 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for the criticism, O rlan (consider the time I write these posts at and cut a little slack. *grin*) ... to be frank, I'm sort of bobbing up and down and up and down... yeah, this is sort of a half-way point for my character. He's very powerful, but he can't cut loose because that'll alert every Archmage within a few thousand miles. So I'll do my best to keep myself weaker in a plausible fashion. (For example, being too tired/busy/stressed whatever to study his spellbook, which means no spells, which means just his fighting skills) I'll try to remember your words... thank you for them. =) Edited by: Gyrfalcon25 at: 3/22/02 10:03:48 pm

Orlan Elder of Bards Posts: 92 (3/21/02 6:07:04 pm) Reply Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ooooooooooo I read it. Well as much as there is. Now for some Criticism! Yes yes yes it was good, I'm not denying that. I like the overall story so far, but I'm not going to focus on that cause you all should know that already. Anywho... Wyv - You're a GM You're doing a good GM job but a slightly poor overworld feel. You're trying to mesh too many "worlds" into one storyline. You have a mix of AM/Tolkienism/Mythology/Theology/Societal constructs...etc. It's kinda overwhelming and in times, a little too undbelieveable. You also seem to push a little fast. An old friend of mine said "The overall story is your bread, but if you only have turkey in it, it's a dull sandwich. Add in random encounters with tomatoes, onions, lettuce, some dressing, mayo, mustard and other things. then you got a club." ....come to think of it, my friend ate alot too. We also already had the talk about the Evil Villan Overlord thing Gry - Your character is too omnipotent sometimes, and then other times he seems as if he was made not-so-omnipotent for the express purpose of "putting him self down to other's levels". It's the old "God Mode" ideal that pretty much everyone slips into. You seem to have picked a character too strong for the campaign (speaking in role-playing terms) and it's kinda hard to sympathize with you, even with your people in mind. Z - Uber powerful is fine, but you're "Hold behind the rage" is cliche, and it's slightly flimsy. You make a good all around character though, I say that, but he's just a bit...I dunno, done over and over. Just a bit flat, but that could probably be attested to the emotions thingy. Yui - The one problem I've had with your characters is that they all seem from the same sheet of black construction paper. While they're different in appearance and names and maybe some specific personality, they're amounted to the same sort of "nightness" is the only way I could put it into words. When you find something good it's nice to stick with it, but it gets bland if it's overused. (On a nide note, play Breath of Fire 3...Momo with wings is my idea of Kal). I also have some issues with Avians being swept away by a tsunami...but it can be interperated as a storm, not just a wave. Ozy - Ozy your first post was gold. I liked it, but from there Tim went kinda downhill. You made him really thin in personality, and he has flimsy motivations that confuse and just are kinda dumb at times I know you well enough that you could have thought of a better reason to join Gyr and Z His personality seems more Bardish then Monk-ish (you thought I was going to say Monk-ey didn't you! HAHA! ) Gwai - I have craploads of X-Men comic books. I use to collect them when I was young. One thing about the X-Men Comic was that they overexplained EVERYTHING since with just pictures you couldn't show all the imagrey you wanted. Myth seems like that. If she's supposed to be evil and in the shadows and such, she needs to shut up more Talk more with your descriptions and less with her speech. Have her think to herslef alot if you need it Although I am in love with random slaughter...hmm.... Now before you all go off on a bend, these are personal opinions and without reading the OOC thread (mainly from time restraints, also because it kills the story). My constructive Crit. is always ment to stir emotions rather then gently show others so it's usually blunt. I liked alot of the story, don't get me wrong, but a thread praising and praising and praising is not my style....or it is, just not today... BWAHAHAHAH!!! I'm Chaotic!!! No I'm not! You shut Up! Okay I'm done.

Yui Temae Huntress Posts: 205 (4/12/02 8:53:20 am) Reply Re: Quill Quest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *sniffles and wipes away tears from laughing* Oh, goodness! You guys have me rolling around in my desk chair. How on earth do you come up with this stuff? A SAND MOOSE?! I love the smiley, too. Can't wait to see what's next! Oh, and ... save poor Brute, would you! I like the guy!!

Wyvern00 Elder of Initiates Posts: 567 (4/11/02 1:40:44 pm) Reply Re: Quill Quest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm here, though Cheye is currently absent... Thanks for posting Beli! LOL, your most recent post has me in tears... I'll get to the continuation this evening... [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 4/11/02 1:46:57 pm

Belizean1 Page Posts: 27 (4/11/02 4:08:25 am) Reply Quill Quest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where is good ole Chey and Wyv. I know I don't frequent irc as often as I wish but has Chey been absent these days? I want her back in the story. I am hoping we meet up after this upcoming fight scene.......!

Zool47 Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards Posts: 302 (4/10/02 10:04:52 am) Reply Re: The Young Prince -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes! He made me do it! He made me write "Weretupperware"! Oh, the things we do to entertain... ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 342 (4/9/02 10:18:42 pm) Reply Re: The Young Prince -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now, how'd I forget to say something? *shrugs at himself* I love it, Zool, for 'tis a good story that even includes a moral. *grins and applauds* Go Zool and the actual writer, the Rubber Chicken (er... Weretupperware?)

Zool47 Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards Posts: 299 (4/9/02 9:21:38 pm) Reply Re: The Young Prince -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aw shucks, ya big lug. All right, I admit it. I care about you. MuaHahahahahahaha! ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 525 (3/29/02 8:45:35 pm) Reply The Young Prince -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -by Zool Aesop would have been proud. :>) My thanks for a good story; I always enjoy a new fable. pub79.ezboard.com/fthemightypenfrm1.showMessage?topicID=6.topic Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 3/29/02 8:47:41 pm

Lady Celes Crusader Quill-Bearer Posts: 223 (3/26/02 7:20:59 pm) Reply Un Hommage -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author: ErwanTFM Translation: Celes Crusader Location: French Forum This piece is a vibrant hommage of our guild's proud. Everyone who had squared of with or against Ager's TFM will know understand a lot more about the bound that links its numerous member and why its still alive. I've made the translation keeping in mind the proud Erwan poured in his writing. I'll forward the comments to him

peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 958 (2/26/02 11:59:02 am) Reply ezSupporter Rah! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Orlan rushes in, as the Elder of Lists gasps out his plea. A fanfare of trumpets, the whisk of a Pen, and the italics magically appear. A peasant with a low neanderthal forehead and a single eyebrow stretching across his face masticates his cud as he scratchs the dry soil with a stick. Who were that there sexy sexy man?

gwaihir1 Elder of Lists and Poetry Posts: 123 (2/26/02 10:40:36 am) Reply Re: Vote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (now WHY did my italics not work? They've always worked before when I did them that way!) ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark

gwaihir1 Elder of Lists and Poetry Posts: 122 (2/26/02 10:38:39 am) Reply Re: Vote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gwaihir hurries in "Well the votes took a while to count guys, so there's been a delay, but now it looks offical (unless anyone wants to demand a recount) Cheye:3 Excedrin:1 "Cheyenne, I think that means you have officially won. As prize, I give you a Pineapple"! Pulls one out of a bag too small to fit one in, and hands it to Cheye Moves as if to leave, but then stops undecidedly and mutters to himself, but I can't leave Excedrin without a pineapple either. Hmm "Excedrin, for having written what is also a very nice poem, I award you a Pineapple"! Pulls another one out of said bag Stops to think a moment Heck!, I can't leave anyone out! Begins to hand pineapples out to everyone in the room Edited by: Orlan at: 2/26/02 11:19:39 am

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 388 (2/25/02 2:48:54 pm) Reply Re: Vote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ozymandias runs a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair. Hmmm. Looking back down at the ballot, his brows knit together in thought as he places the point of his quill squarely between the two conestants' names. On the one hand, Cheyenne's is much more evocative of strong emotion. On the other, Excedrin's is more direct, clearer. Cheye has a very intricate story of a very small but very painful episode of life. Excedrin paints a very familiar picture to many, one of very specific faith and hope. Yet it is that most universal faith, in its' simplest form: love. There are underpinnings that could easily be read into each, but barring those... Cheyenne loads for bear in intensity, but Excedrin has empathy. Nodding almost imperceptibly, he lifts his quill, dips it into his inkwell, and scratches a swift check mark. Excedrin.

Wyvern00 Elder of Initiates Posts: 424 (2/24/02 12:25:26 am) Reply Re: Vote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wyvern steps down from his bookie gambling booth and picks up a ballad, reading the two poems written over the front and considering which empty check box he should check... The first was a wonderfull little love piece by Excedrin, which followed a perfect rhyme scheme and ended with a genuinly excellent finish. A heart felt poem. The second was a poem by his beloved Cheyenne, and clearly expressed some of the sincerest emotion he had seen poetry wise in quite some time. He felt the pain, the frustration, the hope and friendship... Clearly, this was a heart felt poem as well... A very heart felt poem, in fact. With a slight hesitation as he enjoyed both of the poems tremendously, Wyvern eventually decides to check the box beside Cheye's poem. Satisfied with his decision, he hand in the ballet and heads back to his bookie gambling booth, once again taking votes. (My vote goes to Cheyenne's poem.) [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 2/24/02 12:26:39 am

Lady Celes Crusader Quill-Bearer Posts: 159 (2/23/02 10:13:22 pm) Reply Re: Vote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Celes arrives at the poll and reads Orlan's signs. Her eyes narrows, her mouth pouts and her cheecks reddens. - "Its not because I speak French that I wear French lingerie!", replies the infuriated Café owner, "I wont pay any piece of lingerie for my voting right." The little Frenchie reads both poem and seems to be surprised by Excedrin's entry. She remember that he entered another poem that was lovely. - "This one is nice too but not as touching as the other was.", comments Celes. After a long moment of hesitation, she finally made up her mind. She reluctantly appraoches Pere and Orlan with her voting bulletin. Pere reads it and notes it. When Orlan asks for her clothes, she gives a "Don't-even-think-about-it" stares and Pere decides that it was wiser for Orlan to not go on. Celes leaves the place still clothed. Vote for: Cheye.

Nyyark Page Posts: 21 (2/23/02 6:44:45 pm) Reply Vote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One vote for Cheye. Great poem both of you.

peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 946 (2/22/02 8:43:03 pm) Reply ezSupporter Entries received, the voting begins -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Peredhil nods as he clicks the stop watch. Carefully checking the formats, he notes that each Contestant has indeed submitted a valid final entry. With the temptation to ask, "Is this your Final Answer?" held firmly in cheek with his tongue, he opens the floor to the voting. 0) The Contestants may not vote for themselves or each other. 1) All membership ranked Page through Ancient may Vote once each. 2) All may comment or commentary, to include the Contestants and Initiates. Peredhil ducks back out of the way, and Orlan struts through with a large queue card bearing the words: Vote Now! The women in the audience vote by throwing their clothing at the Sexy Sexy Elder, who merely accepts it as his rightful due. Edited by: peredhil31 at: 2/24/02 7:18:59 am

excedrin Page Posts: 25 (2/22/02 12:02:41 pm) Reply Re: What happened? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i never really liked the other one and just finished this one today and decided i liked it more

Cheye69 Quill-Bearer Posts: 68 (2/22/02 11:39:36 am) Reply What happened? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Excedrin, Why did you cahnge you poem entry?

Cheye69 Quill-Bearer Posts: 67 (2/22/02 8:01:56 am) Reply Critic's Corner Contest Entry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The truth unfolds leaving me cold A child’s trust broken by one selfish soul A bright beautiful mind twisted with rage So sad it would seem he is just 7 years of age I cried for 3 hours trying to find a way To heal his hurts make the pain go away I called my mom family friends and alike None could do more than nod, be polite It hurts to know I have been so wrong Not trusted and listened as goes the song How did I not see a problem of this size? That a stranger would have to call tears in her eyes To tell me of the plight of my very own son I shudder to think of what I have become He was afraid to tell me he said last night That I would not listen we would just fight I prayed with all my heart this night To find the way to do what is right To bring my child back to the fold To snuggle him up bring peace to his soul It was miraculous that is all I can contend Outside a pane above my bed was the star sent by a friend The one that could comfort, shed light, lead the way It was winking down at me, brought light to my day For the first time since hearing the phrase I have understood not just been in a daze Thank you, my bright beautiful Morning Star.

excedrin Page Posts: 24 (2/21/02 9:23:44 pm) Reply Critic's Corner Contest Entry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (This message was left blank) Edited by: excedrin at: 3/20/02 6:19:55 pm Moderator's note: Unfortunately, excedrin (Kinslayer, Dragcor Warwick, et al) went through and deleted nearly everyone of his posts. Given that the remaining ones were mostly plagarized, one can only wonder what this entry was. To be just, he did have a few very original works, unique to him.