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gwaihir1 Elder of Lists and Poetry Posts: 208 (4/24/02 4:50:11 am) Reply Invisible -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NEAt poem! I'm trying to post comments more often when I reply to a poem saying how much I liked it so: Reading it I wonder, the whole poem seems to be written, basically, in iambs, except for the first stanza. Is this on purpose? Line 14 seems to suggest that you're purposely writing iambs. Either way though, the images are really clear, that's what to me makes this poem so beautiful. ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark

Belizean1 Page Posts: 37 (4/17/02 7:10:06 pm) Reply Re: Feedback by request... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *As Bel sits down to read the books he flashes Yui a crooked Grin and thanks her. He decides the lush rug looks like a comforting place to rest and sprawls out in the middle of the room and begins reading......*

Yui Temae Huntress Posts: 206 (4/16/02 6:31:15 am) Reply Re: Feedback by request... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yui gently takes Beli by the arm and steers him into the Assembly Room, where books of all sizes and shapes are scattered about on the many tables interspersed with the well-cushioned lounging chairs. She heads straight for one of the more dusty volumes in the corner and picks it up, blowing across the cover to clear it. With a grin, she hands it to Beli and mutters, "There you are. Enjoy your reading, my friend." As he takes the book, he notices the title, The First Scars. Blinking, he looks back up at the young woman. "Um... but they said something about 'Lost Paths'." In response, she smirks and shrugs. "I know. Confusing, isn't it? Oh, and when you're done with that, you'll want to continue with this one." She sets another dusty volume in his hands, this one entitled Dreamer Interlude. Then, with a pat to his shoulder, she turns and wanders off, leaving Belizean to the mercy of the stories.

Belizean1 Page Posts: 35 (4/15/02 3:07:08 pm) Reply Re: Feedback by request... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Silly Bel can't find this thread....... "help"!

Belizean1 Page Posts: 33 (4/12/02 12:47:07 pm) Reply Re: Feedback by request... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Bel reads this post and heads off in search of the thread where the story is located......*

Valdar and Astralis Quill-Bearer Posts: 28 (4/4/02 2:47:53 am) Reply Re: Feedback by request... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes, it's stuck again-I thought I had it figured out. . .but then-reality crack. Ah well, I'll fix it in the next patch, whenever that is.

Zadown Bard Posts: 140 (11/8/01 3:04:41 pm) Reply Re: Feedback by request... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, I can only speak of Valdar's half of the story and I like it a lot. Feels like there is really this big multiversum with lots of things, history and whatnot when reading it, instead of the oh-lets-have-some-artificial-history-too. I wouldn't do my interludes if I didn't like the story so much..

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 359 (11/5/01 7:03:39 am) Reply Feedback by request... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Peredhil shrugs I'm sorry I've tapered off on the little feedback I'm want to do - I've been busy. In reading the thread, I'm continually struck by the way you manage to transmit the imagery through words. I'm a very 'visual' reader, and I'm liking what I read. I'm not sure how valid this is to your writing, but sometimes there is a Writer's tempation to tell the story just to push it along, rather than show the events, say the words, and let the Gentle Reader view the story through the action and character interaction. Telling the story makes the reader a passive observer, showing the story involves them as a participant. Peredhil rereads that last bit with a frown and hopes it makes sense. I'm enjoying the story quite a bit - and like Gyrfalcon, I'm waiting the next installment eagerly. -Peredhil

Valdar and Astralis Initiate Posts: 11 (11/5/01 6:12:05 am) Reply Re: Remind me never to travel the Lost Paths... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And what's wrong with having two scarred, crazy planewalkers around here? On a more serious note, thank you for your kind words, Gyrfalcon. . .and sorry for the late reply-this thread slipped my mind until i was nearly done with the latest part. If I may, i have a humble request of anyone who read/is reading The First Scars. . . is it me? or is the quality going down? It's hard for me to decide, since being brought up in a conservative society, I have a tendancy to put my own acompalishments aside. . .and yet. . .? That I am aware of this makes things worse, since then I shrug off the modesty, and decide i rock. Then the modesty re-asserts itself, and-(well, you get the picture) The line between over-modesty and i_am_t3h_m0st_l337_writer_in_th3_world is something im trying to toe, the line called truth. Can someone help me find the line? I'm especially distressed with the latest installation (though it seems that way everytime) but this time especially so. Help!

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 85 (10/24/01 9:51:25 pm) Reply Remind me never to travel the Lost Paths... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First, I have to say that I enjoy the story that Valdar and Zadown are weaving together. As a note however, Gyrfalcon would be torn to little bitty bits by the creatures you two are fighting.... Go Zadown, beat that arrogant Archangel into the next millenium! Valdar, try to survive. =) More planeswalkery goodness! =) *Gyr wonders if we'll end up with two insane scarred planeswalkers around here*

Lady Celes Crusader Quill-Bearer Posts: 255 (4/17/02 7:09:28 pm) Reply Re: Someone Tell the Damn Loremaster... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *rofl*Poor Canid and Tralla! Nice Third part

gwaihir1 Elder of Lists and Poetry Posts: 190 (4/15/02 7:28:54 am) Reply Re: Someone Tell the Damn Loremaster... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is great. ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 355 (4/14/02 10:38:15 pm) Reply Re: Someone Tell the Damn Loremaster... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyr laughs and nods* While I don't find you sexy, Orlan (for which we should both be grateful), I agree with Celes that you should keep going. *applauds* Poor Canid and Tralla!

Lady Celes Crusader Quill-Bearer Posts: 251 (4/14/02 6:51:12 pm) Reply Re: Someone Tell the Damn Loremaster... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've told you Orlan how much I love it, now its damn funny Keep going you sexy thing

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 592 (4/13/02 11:39:04 am) Reply Someone Tell the Damn Loremaster... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Less than a week, and already I'm "the damn Loremaster". *LOL* Keep it going, Orlan!

Balladore Quill-Bearer Posts: 82 (4/16/02 7:13:45 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Ah, thanks... that really threw me :-) )

gwaihir1 Elder of Lists and Poetry Posts: 193 (4/16/02 1:22:22 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Btw, Balladore, yes, I meant that to be odd, a bit out of character.) ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 597 (4/15/02 5:13:11 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anybody else who would, please speak out! Orlan helped me set straight a good number of problems I hadn't been able to focus on until he made them an immediate concern, but I'm still not certain my writing flows well (especially amongst other people's in the same story!). Anyone loves praise (thank you again Balladore!) but is there any criticism? Anything at all? If not, I will have no complaints about that, but the inquiring mind wants to know!

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 504 (3/26/02 8:46:06 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "priceless addition"? Aw, now I'm gonna go and get all egotistical. :>) Seriously, thank you B! I'm pleased to entertain and tickled you like Tim so much. He *achem* needed a little revising, but I'm happy with him now, and if you're any indication... As for your own writing ('cause I know you'll be reading this)- Curse my body's need for sleep! Curse it, curse it through the seven circles and out the other side!! I HAVE TOO MUCH READING TO DO, AND BY THUNDER, I WANT MORE!!! Stop me, before I read again!

Balladore Quill-Bearer Posts: 67 (3/25/02 2:28:34 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is EXTREMELY proud of himself I FINISHED READING THE GAZE OF ETERNITY!!! Balladore laughs evilly Since you made me read it, Gyrfalcon, I get to critique it as well!!! Another evil laguh breaks through the room Oh. Balladore clears his throat Here's what I thought: While staying on the direct story, there are so many twists and turns to this that I never know what's coming, and so it makes for an exciting read! The characters are well defined, and everyone writes extremely well. I, being the unoriginal Druid that I am, will copy Orlan's format and write individual notes to each character as well :-) Gyrfalcon- You're a true knight in shining armor (even if you are a half-elf). You portray (to me, anyway) chivalry that is un-rivaled within the group, and always have a sense of honor. Your character is well-developed, and only tends to slide into godmode rarely (look who's talking!) Yui/Kaleyra- The innocence your character exudes is remarkable. The scholarly Avian is a great addition to the group, bringing wisdom amongst Virtue and History. Ozymandius/Timothy- The historian... in a cynical type of way, Timothy is the perfect picture of a bard. Although a bit twisted, Timothy haze a good heart, and I can tell that he is an priceless addition to the group... If I were one to predict, I would guess at a change of heart, but I'm a Druid, my scrying mirrors are always terrible anyway. Myth- The lone theif... I was thrown off when Myth let Y'Tren live and even offered to share the profits with him... after everything she said about being a loner, and then offering Y'Tren a place at her side? Your character definately is a blend-into-the-shadows type, and I can never predict what's coming next. I definately enjoy your character, and hope you continue to write. Zadown/Dreamer- Your character is definately the most mysterious of the bunch. I don't exactly even know how to describe him, except for his always-changing eye color. Although he is a mage, he still hefts a mighty battle-sword, and is extremely powerful (I think). The Dreamer definately seems to be the strong-and-silent type, and I enjoy your character immensely. I'm sorry if I ragged on anyone excessively, but remember this is how I interpret the (ENTIRE!!!) story, and merely my opinion. Thank you all for the wonderful entertainment, and keep up the good work! Edited by: Balladore at: 4/15/02 6:59:24 pm

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 498 (3/22/02 10:17:02 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No prob.

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 310 (3/22/02 10:07:56 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks (double-checks) Ozy- did so. =)

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 492 (3/22/02 7:20:02 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, I tweaked I think every post I did (save the first), and am now much more satisfied. What does the assembled say? Flowing better? Btw Gyr, you may want to change your name to "Gyrfalcon" three paragraphs down in your (1/27/02 1:55:34 am) post on page five and in your (2/21/02 11:29:37 pm) post too (also page five), last paragraph. Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 3/22/02 7:25:37 pm

gwaihir1 Elder of Lists and Poetry Posts: 153 (3/22/02 6:17:53 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- you are so right about Myth too! I'll have to work on that. (tks!) ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark

Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 491 (3/22/02 4:43:14 pm) Reply Re: Gaze of Eternity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just don't go all Robert Jordan on us, okay?