Peredhil

That was really well done. The first two stanzas build to the resolution of the third, which satisfies it. Plus, it's just a darned good read.

You are Life's Valentine to the rest of us... Of course, seeing how Valentines normally get used... I understand your desire to be wanted and needed all the rest of the year too. Happy birthday.

Good work. Reads well.

The person above me has recently posted some very good poetry people should check out.

Cyril - that reminds me in a strange way of the Living mask Cyrano De Berziac (spelling?) hid behind. Jose Ferrier's rendition, though black and white, is still my standard for Cyrano.

Peredhil looks up in pleasure at the shiny scribble free sign. Wow, what a great job! I'll have to treat Rune to a pastry as a reward. Rune, of the other side of the hedge, off just far enough to ALMOST hear, stops and stares wide-eyed, crayon dangling forgotten at her side. Peredhil eats PASTE???

wow. As someone who's been accused of pedestal pushing, this causes me to step back and think - always a good response to a poem... thank you for posting.

Once there was a man who was forgetful so he forgot himself. Once there was a man who thought everyone had flaws so he accepted them. Once there was a man who felt others' pain without being overwhelmed so he could listen. Once there was a man who saw what others could be clearly so he cheered their growth. Once there was a man who needed others so he might know who he was.

"They couldn't hit the broadside of a barn at this distance."

Awww. Yeah, give her this. It's romantic and coote to write poetry for a gal. In today's cynical age, just don't expect an overwhelming response. Choose your identity and innate value - don't key it off others.

Good stuff. Cyril's commentary is right on. Good job to you too Cyril. Both of you - well done.

Heh, the first part sounds like a description of my thinking most of the time. The resulting action and method of dealing with it differs however. Very vivid writing - you should write more. AS a suggestion, don't tell us what YOU think of the work. So far, you've judged yourself far more harshly than I would've every single time. Let us be the mirrors of feedback for your work. Accept the feedback, correct, and grow... you have a definite talent. -Peredhil

Enters and reads in surprise. Wow, they were all so good. I'll definitely share the CD with Nyyark - I thought his twist ending on the fable of the grasshopper and the ant was clever. I kinda liked Tzimmy's entries too, the composite forming a record of how life prevented her from entering. It's a strangely fulfilling poetic justice that her entry was capped by not being recognized at all. But then, she often thinks on levels so subtle and deep I'm awed and barely understanding, knowing only that she's Neato. Thank you for the Award. We'll have to get together someday and brainstorm an expansion to my entry. Bows and hugs all the people who entered, holding them all as winners for having done so in his heart.

The person above me doesn't realize what a good friend he is. No matter what pain he has had in his life, he's always made time to talk to me, answer questions, etc. And because he assumes he's not special, he thinks others have a heart as big as his.

this is a great first draft. there are a few spelling mistakes, and it could maybe use a couple of commas (although the rushing feeling without them carries the reader through). quickly noted: say==stay, hes == he's, whom==womb, The expression and intensity shine through. It's important to get the poem out on paper first, then start looking at it for mistakes. Don't want your Inner Critic to destroy the Creative Child. Good job.

Hmmm, One line alliterative poetry. Haven't seen that for a while. Braving the beast in the bungalow, I briskly bypass its breath's brisance.

What a mountain load off your shoulders! Congratulations indeed. Many people try, failed intelligence is proverbial - but people who stick it out to the end. That rocks!

Really well done, passionate read. You have an intuitive feel for communication. Like Rune said, the Pen is where you go to learn to refine yourself. A tip from an experienced writer... if you put your heart into your work, if it's not sterile words... You're gonna be nervious when you post. The key is to let others do the criticizing, not yourself. Many writers, myself included, fall into the trap of putting their writing or themself down first before someone else can hurt them with a comment. Don't do it. And if someone says it's great... nod and say thank you - don't explain how it isn't. What you think you're doing is being modest, or explaining what vision you saw or felt that you couldn't communicate just right. What in fact you're doing is telling that person they were too stupid to notice your work sucked (although not in those words). Not a way to get honest feedback... Keep writing. Like any muscle, the more you exercise it, the stronger you become. -Peredhil

LOL! That is SOOOO perfect.

The person above me once was new (Neo), and didn't get their name from Final Fantasy 8...

Peredhil automatically curled his body around the small girlish form in an attempt to protect it as they fly through the air. Woody automatically opened in Polite habitual response as he saw Peredhil flying at him. Peredhil and Rune flew through the doorway as Woody realizing his mistake attempted to slam shut on them. The door wept splinters, its expression wooden in dispair as it watched it True Love fly from him in Peredhil's arms. Even the trailing "Thank youuuuuuuu" Peredhil had automatically uttered as he absconded with Rune didn't allay Woody's feelings. He remained stiffly formal with everyone for days afterward, until, realizing in his deciduous way that all the best things in his life leave, he passed out of THIS adventure. The Half-Elf in Armani attire attempted to reassure the demoness as they continued to blow through passageway and doorway without noticably slowing. Rune reassured Peredhil she feared not (although she was secretly impressed at how everything automatically moved out of the way Politely), for it wasn't the flight of the explosion that worried her as much as the sudden stop at the end. But this part, thus far, was really somewhat fun! Peredhil, finally having searched the millennial labyrinths of his memory, was about to decided between the invulnerability spell or the flight spell when he noticed in horror the dampening of his suit. Rune was transmorphing into paint! The distraction proved untimely, as Peredhil finally stopped his flight by the clever tactic of transferring the momentum of his projectile motion into a wall. Peredhil splatted. Ancient protective spells bound into his Ring began immediate repair. But the sudden shock tipped Rune's precarious purchase on solidity and she popped from her Peredhillian perch to plop wetly against the wall. The interested but unhurt Rune fresco hung wide-eyed on the massive stones, until under the gravity of the situation, she was draw irresistibly downward. As she TRIED to gain some form of control of her painted body, she found herself running away from the scene. Slipping wetly through the floor, she dripped into a suddenly Rune body again. Carefully she poked herself with one finger. yuppers, solid. But for how long? At least she'd hung around long enough to know that Peredhil would be okay. But what about her? She looked around the possibly very secret chamber.

Wow. Do you sometimes fear to just post ordinary stuff? You hold yourself to such a incredibly high standard of reply... I know back when I first was labelled "a good writer", I almost froze before clicking the submit button, for fear this would be the post that revealed that I was just me. Sorry - didn't mean to hijack the thread. I'm just in a pensive scattered mood.

Peredhil creaks in, Ancient that he is, and begins pondering change. I've been with the Pen is Mightier than the Sword since before our first web site. Sometimes it's useful to reflect on what the goals were, however unstated, and what they are. My views on the Pen: 1) The Pen is a place to grow as writers, and therefore as people. The emphasis and focus is on the person, in my opinion. Many creative types, in my experience, are very sensitive and intelligent as well as creative. Thus, the Pen draws many who've been wounded by life, coming together to heal. It is therefore my belief that the more nurturing and 'family'-feeling we are, the more people will feel free to express themselves and become better writers. There are many boards where people post, rack up post counts, or argue. Here at the Pen, the focus is on writing. 2) Respect. Here at the Pen, we respect others, whether we like them, understand them, or agree with them. We cherish differences because perception of depths only comes from more than one point of view. We state our opinions - and allow others to not agree. We think before we write. When speaking on a sensitive issue, we not only review it for what we think it says, we attempt to see it for how others may receive it - and adjust accordingly. We debate issues, not people. When giving feedback and criticism, we correct the work, not the person. We try to always be aware when correcting a work, that this is the results of someone's time, and often the best expression of incoherent feelings (and attempted communication of those feelings) they could do. Therefore, we remain aware that no matter how 'silly' or 'simple' it may seem to us, it's important to them. Many creatives feel misunderstood, or unable to recognize their worth because they are aware of how much they aren't. When reading, we respect the effort enough to acknowledge it, knowing the fear that no one understands or cares. 3) It's all about the quality of writing, not the quantity. In the past, chats were conducted in galaxynet #thePen on IRC. There have been conversational threads, and even single emoticon-posted replies to acknowledge a point - but the overall rule-of-thumb has been: Let's post for everyone, the students, the workers, those with much time and those with little. Which leads to in my senile way to: 4) Bandwidth. This site is a gift of love donation. Love of you'll, and love of writing. In return, we acknowledge that server space is not infinite. That sometimes servers will be down, or if we're really really popular, all the connections will be full. We keep our Avatars and Signature graphics small and occasional, so that those with limited time and bandwidth can have a change to read, not to just wait on pictures to load. We respect the limitations bandwidth imposes on others, even if we have a T5 connection ourself. 5) Roleplaying. The stresses and issues of life bring some here to escape. Others just like the freedom and fun of roleplaying. Still others like to try on characteristics in an online setting and interaction before trying them in their real life. In any and all cases, the Pen for the most part has respected people's characters/personae. If someone wants to be a gecko - let them be a gecko, roleplay them as a gecko. If you use their character in a story, try to use it as they would. If you have a doubt - send them the intended post in a PM and get their insight and feedback - we ARE here to help each other grow. On another tangent, be sensitive to how others perceive themselves. I would never try to tame or collar someone like Canid - her character is an embodiment of the freedom and intelligence of the wild wolf - self controlled, but never controlled by another. Someone like Wyvern has implicitly given permission to tease him about his greed. But tactfully, respectfully - and dare I say it? - lovingly. 6) All in all, I suppose it comes down to the Platinum Rule. 'Do unto others as they would have you do unto them, if that action is an personally acceptable thing for you to do.' Covers their feelings, your feelings, and the communication. Loose translation: Don't be selfish, don't feel forced by anyone into being a doormat, treat each other nicely. Feel free to comment if you wish. This is YOUR site. Your activity and words determine it's future.

LOL! Everquest and the Land of Doubles! With a name like Norrath, I should've made the connection myself.

hmmm. Depression seems in my experience to have various shades and sources. Feeling frustrated and hopeless to effect change. Feeling angry and turning within. Or biochemical - Having been raised in a family of Manic-Depressives who were still able to function, I have seen the struggles and appreciate the difference between chemical and attitude. For a very few, depression isn't a mental choice or a perception. It's a condition of the mind, just as nearsightedness is a condition of the eyes. There is no shame admitting weak eyes any more, and getting corrective help. There should be no stigmata in admitting biochemical conditions, and getting corrective help. Lastly, there are those who need depression or trauma as an excuse or to self-flagellate. That one is a choice, although a difficult trap to escape. -Peredhil