Peredhil

Originally Posted by AMORPHIS in Am Universum (2001) Lyrics available here

This was originally posted at Poetry.com by Paulina Mabayoje. It was a Grand Prize Winner. Her entry is here.

This is really really good at conveying the feelings. What I call a 'gut' poem. The last line, for me, gives emotional echos of Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce when the U.S. Calvary caught he and his tribe 16 miles from the Canadian border and he made a speech which ended, "I will fight no more." That's gotta be one of the most poignant cries in the English language. Big huggles

I like this, from the play on words in the title, to the way you wrote it. The need to love, the need to want - very well said. Puts responsibility for your emotions with you - without denying their incredible power and desire. Good job.

It's nice given the tenor of the music played here of late (to include my own), to have a raucous joyous celebration of love like that. You still da man.

Happy Birthday Z!

heh. I read this in another way. I get a vision of a sister watching her brother fly away on Icarus wings. She'll be able to live off the visions of where he's going and what he's seeing - even if he crashed into the sea and drowned just off shore. Sometimes Dreams are more life-changing than Realities.

That's pretty clever!!!

Another gem. This gives words to some of the fights with Depression I've endured... Good job!

This is timely, time for a bump. Reformatting old poems is a labor of love with many golden nuggets found - Like this one.

Before we met, I slept all night. I love that line...

As a side-project, I'm trying to go back through the various Pen areas and removed the extra blank lines that the conversion from Ezboard inserted. Ran across this wonderful warped gem. heh!

This commentary was added by a Visitor to the Old Site: Saphron21. As a sidenote, Dragcor and excedrin are the same person. -Peredhil

Shrugs and hugs Deadly Nightshade. It really doesn't matter to me much one way or another - the reason I became an Ancient is that I realized I can't give the Pen and its membership the time and response y'all deserve. The thing that impresses me, and that I applaud, is that Deadly Nightshade decided to brainstorm an idea to help the Pen and had the courage to post it. That shines. It takes courage to post ideas like this, and not take the discussion of your idea as discussion of you. Great job in trying to make the Pen a better place. No ideas are bad as long as we realize the person suggesting it wants to help. Hugs again. Thank you Deadly Nightshade!

hmmm. I agree with Vlad about the spelling - but don't ever worry about that until AFTER you've gotten the poem down. You have the core images of a neat idea here. This could be the introduction to a short story even. If you went back and reworked it a little, you'd really have a polished gem. As it is, it already sparkles to me. I like poems of this nature, so maybe I'm a bit biased. Good job!

It feels that way sometimes. You want to give but no one wants to slow down to receive! You want to listen, but they may hurt so much, they don't know how to talk. Sometimes just quietly being there, so they don't feel alone in the chaotic swirls of their life, is a great gift. Hugs

THAT was NEAT.

Heh, it feels like that sometimes... The Morning Ritual He intones dramatically. Hehe. I like.

Could... But this gets them into their control area so they can see all the nifty options. Plus I really don't want to post names. Peredhil posts the public loser list: The following members... Plus if I sent them a PM... it would bounce an email into the Admin account... I'm just kinda thinking, it's nice when the Membership takes care of their personal responsibilities, and free the Elders to moderate Website-as-a-whole stuff.

This was a 'gut' post, I just kinda blurted it out and left it. Given that it is drawing responses, I feel I should actually try to tighten it up. This sort of repost/retry thing rightly belongs in the Writer's Workshop, but I'm hesitant to edit the original poem because that WAS how I felt - at that precise moment. I apologize for the repost down here at the bottom, but I'm hoping to tighten it up, correct the meter, count the syllables, tweak the alliteration and tongue position transitions, etc, etc. To me, rereading, it seems as if the rhymes get weaker as they go, and the ending somewhat tapers off and lacks resolution - which I think I'll keep. Issues of this type often DO lack resolution and the closure so important to human minds... Anyway. Forgiven - Version 2, the Literary try. You call me crying on the phone, What am I to feel? Lies, tears, resolutions to change, All seem quite unreal. Our painful past's gone slightly numb Hear pity in my voice? I do not wish you any harm: Sorrows grow from your choice. Try reassurances again? They just seem rather lame. Symptoms grow and erupt in pain, If problem stays the same. I really wish you well m'dear And hope you find your way. You walked wide-eyed into this path - cold bed in which you lay. Sorry if this comes off as cold - This is exhaustion come at last. We could complain of choices made Or seek futures from our past.

Whenever you receive a Private Message or a few other nifty things, this board tries to notify you at the email address you used when you registered your account. The problem is - if it can't deliver the email, it sends an error message AND a copy of the failed email to the Admin account. This is filling up rather rapidly and the important messages which SHOULD be sent to Admin could be lost in the shuffle. So please, take a moment to click in the upper left of your page on My Controls Then look at the bottom of the lefthand column. Under Options is Change email address click on it and look to see if the email address listed is correct. if it isn't a good address for you - PLEASE change it! Thank you, the Polite Ancient Peredhil

Are you telling HER this? Or just feeling it so strongly she should be able to read between your lines and know? This communicates well. Perhaps you should give HER a copy!

I'm glad this bumped to the top. Stands really well without me doing interior analysis. From this poem I take away a view of the World Trade Center Towers in ruins - and the media acting like a puppet for the government, whipping public opinion into a frenzy so that the symbols of disaster can fuel the war machine. But then, I'm prolly reading into it too much. I've been accused of that! -P

Heh! I AM that Bad Player! Or perhaps, the opponent who's worse... great poem - really gets the feeling across in a light way.

Another original personalized Wyvern ACCEPTANCE post... Priceless...