Peredhil

I have absolutely no doubt - althought is not mine to say and my opinion has no more substance than steam in the wind. Once the Evil Essays and Exams are beaten back by our Almost Dragonic Elder, I anticipate a plethora of wonderful to read responses issuing past Melba's hennaed hair to warm and delight the Pen.

Awww. Hugs the Kender gently and offers a monogrammed hanky for his tears, which after using, the Kender absently pockets.

Oh EXCELLENT point Falcon! We're to love others as we love ourselves... which implies you ARE to love yourself. Actually, thinking about it, loving others more than yourself leads to being a Doormat. Loving others less that you in too great an imbalance might lead to being a User. Balance... Balance is hard. I'm reminded of the Logrolling axiom - Logrolling is throwing a turned log into the water and trying to stay on top of it - "Stay on top of the log." That sounds easy, until you realize this is a circle in the water. the "top" is always changing. So to stay on top of the log, you're always moving and adjusting, either tiny amounts when the log is "stationary" or running as fast as you can when the log is spinning rapidly in the water. All to stay on top. What a long ramble! Hey Vlad! Stay on top of your love.

These are personal stylistic suggestions. Not really stronger or better stuff, just different ways of playing with the words. I tend to work with the feelings and rhythmn around the words... About the only quantitative feedback would be to add a space after the comma and before wondering, in the 2nd stanza/2nd line. On to word play. What if... in the first stanza. Boldness in the night, her life flourishes, released from the beating of the sun... For some reason the lines beginning with the double 'I's bother me. How about something like. "I prowl endlessly along the road" gives connotations of a cat, a predator, a creature natural and part of the darkness to me. Power moving smoothly through it's element. In the Second Stanza... I'd drop the "Then" in the first line. Sequence is already implied. "A group of people ruin my raging thoughts" I like the way the alliteration of the repeated 'r' sounds rolls off the tongue. Do you read or whisper your works aloud? It's neat when a line tastes good. If you wanted, you could explore changing "They turn and gaze, wondering who this black-clad girl is" to "They turn and gaze, wondering "who is this black-clad girl," That does a couple of things to my reading. it ends both fragments with a hard 'g' sound, implying a certain rhythm. it moves the thought into the minds of "they" emphazing the 3rd person perspective. It implies the wonder with an implicit emphasis on 'is'. who IS this... which foreshadows the poetic response in the third stanza. For extra impact, although it makes her a bit more powerful by implication, you could continue it with "That dares to stalk in the night." or even MORE powerfully because of the shortened harder thrust - "That stalks the night." This really contrasts their perception, the judgement and fear of the sudden appearance of someone alone and different. The use of the quotes also links and contrasts their thinking from yours in the transition phrase that follows. "I am the girl you pass by at night," Maybe echo it back to the first stanza's "alive in it"? "I am the girl you pass by in the night," They are passing you in the night, but they only do it in the safety of numbers. You are alone. this line completes the transition from them back to you with its finish "Who watches you as you walk away." You could change 'walk' to 'scurry'. Like mice under the eyes of a pantheress. There you have my idea of Writer Workshop feedback. I hope it helps you refine your ideas, in seeing mine. At this point, it would be different - not better. Great job! hugs Ancient Peredhil

You write such skilled poetry it's hard for me to comment. I tend to read it on many levels... To me, this begins the thought train that Ash Wednesday isn't just an external ritual, but a guide to something deeper. The thoughts multiple from there...

Marriage, Work, Parenting, Friendships, Acquantances, Everquest and its Guilds, the Pen, IRC... Where ever I go, there I am... Funny how the same tempations to fail trail with me like too heavy an application of a cheap cologne. The realization that in my mind I've failed when others haven't even noticed or expect a certain amount of bobbles was a lightbulb to me. Even though I've pointed it out to others... The realization that in my mind I feel as when I start something, if I work really hard I'll get all the attention and support as the squeaky wheel in the section - and then I don't with the resultant disappointment... helped me to realize I need to be more assertive of my needs without excusing them, or going overboard into aggression. As I've preached to others.... The realization that I preach wisdom to others so often that I should be applying to myself... but that on the other hand, I'll never be perfect enough to preach to others so I can't use it as an excuse to be 'me first' in an endless perfection chase. Sigh Realizations. Bleh. Necessary to growth but icky to feel.

Hey hey whatcha doin' where ya goin'? I see you've got that beginning gleam again. A new start, a new job, a new friend? And how do you think this one will end? You've such high hopes you always do When you start it's all brand new But once fresh bloom is faded You're just stuck, bored and jaded. Did you think it would be different this time? Did you think it wouldn't be the same? Did you think you could live without drama? Did you think you could be real without the pain? "Insanity is doing it all over again and again But expecting different results" they say If you won't change the view of yourself Youl fail over and over each grinding day. Hey Hey so wise for other you oh so calm I see you've got new ring in your palm How long 'till you blame your golden toy When a small speck mars your joy? It's like you need permission to fail You're trapped in expectation jail. Perfection's lack isn't a crime but you give up all the time. Did you think it would be different this time? Did you think it wouldn't be the same? Did you think you could be equal with others? Did you think you won't go lookin' for shame? Hey I think your standards are so high So that you can be sure you gonna crash. Hey I think that if you need to cry and whine You'll drive all others away at the last. So you feel you need more praise than most? Why can't you accept it graceously then? If all you do is complain or boast You'll spin in the rutted circles, but then -- Did you think it would be different this time? Did you think it wouldn't be the same? Did you think others gonna change for you? Did you really think you could win this game?

In my experience, such as it is... (I have to caveat, I've only been with one woman, the one I married, (but I listen and observe,) Once you love, you love. You can dislike someone you love, you can abhor their actions, you can lament their choices, you can even decide it would be best not to continue the relationship - but you love anyway. That is the danger of love, it makes you alive, vulnerable, turned outward to another and puts a trust that they won't misuse you. Fear and isolation is so much easier, being a living corpse, selfish and withdrawn, mistrusting everyone. Leads to insensitity and cold manipulations as the reptile brain takes over... if the individual is self-aware, could lead to death in many forms. Life is a choice. To begin to love is a choice. Even after all the pains I've endured - I still choose to love. Because I want to be loved - and someone has to start it.

Those are good practical tips...

ohhhh. Usually around here we get them written from the Other Side. Good job!

LOL@Zool. Ouch!

Happy Happy birthday! In all the universe, in all the times eras and ages of the universe, there is no one exactly like either of you. You are special and unique, sharing qualities that allow you to identify with others, but putting your own special stamps on the entities that are YOU. In all the ages, all the times, all the universe, These birthday wishes go out to the both of you. hugs Peredhil

This provokes ramblings from me... Someone told me that Selfishness is the excuse of the truly Evil, so they can remain justified in their own mind. If that were to be true, then we all flirt with evil... But as a implication, it also means that the evil that people do is usually justified in some way in their own mind - and may not make sense to anyone else. I think very few people set out in the morning thinking, "I'm going to be evil today." As a further implication... Seeking closure and understanding of someone can be a mistake. It would be better to swim with sharks than to open communications and let them manipulate the communications again... Hugs -Peredhil

Hugs. Life seems to go in waves, and hit everyone at once. It will try to get each person so sucked into THEIR feelings and THEIR problems that they have no time for anyone else. The only way to combat that is to turn outward and find someone to love or help - expecting nothing, even gratitude, in return. One act of kindness. It's a freeing thing and aligns you firmly with the Good in the universe. I'm mindful of the story of Job in the Bible, at the very end. It wasn't until he got up and made intercession for his three friends, despite his dead children and his running sores, that he began to heal and his life began to turn around. I know when I'm down, I try to find some way to give. My two cents. Hugs again Hang in there. As much as fallable distractable human beings can (in other words, every human alive), we care. -Peredhil (Law D.)

Actually you DON'T have to post fantasy. And this is a good example of why.

I'm sure, as Elder Wyvern indicated in the sticky thread, he'll get to the Applications just as soon as he can. It's strange how sometimes real life can hit so hard, especially when it contains college classes! On the other hand... This IS very good. Perhaps I should pay Wyvern to stall acceptance a bit longer so we get ANOTHER installment...

cosmic! Isn't it amazing that the life in a seed knows it's timing and has the courage to seek its destiny no matter what? Even when slain by untimely frost, there is something heroic about refusing NOT to grow... Keep 'em comin', big guy.

An excellent poem indeed! Too bad it was stolen. The original lyrics to Dream Theater's A Fortune In Lies song, from the "When Dream and Day Unite (1989)" Album may be found Here

The author deleted the original post, which was "Lines in the Sand" by the Dream Theater. Zool's excellent feedback mades more sense if you read the original work, which may be found Here

Reflects on the irony of the posted petulance at not receiving replies to a plagarized work.... "The Mirror" lyrics originally created by The Dream Theater. Find it here.

This was originally written by Bruce Dickinson on his Balls to Picasso (1994) album, song: Tears Of The Dragon. Find it here

Originally Posted by AMORPHIS in Am Universum (2001) Lyrics available here

This was originally posted at Poetry.com by Paulina Mabayoje. It was a Grand Prize Winner. Her entry is here.

This is really really good at conveying the feelings. What I call a 'gut' poem. The last line, for me, gives emotional echos of Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce when the U.S. Calvary caught he and his tribe 16 miles from the Canadian border and he made a speech which ended, "I will fight no more." That's gotta be one of the most poignant cries in the English language. Big huggles

I like this, from the play on words in the title, to the way you wrote it. The need to love, the need to want - very well said. Puts responsibility for your emotions with you - without denying their incredible power and desire. Good job.