Peredhil

Pets and soothes Annael until her ruffled feathers settle back into place, and then buffs her halo until it shines. People tend to forget that the first battles were fought by angels... With a hug, he redirects again. Ahem. As I was saying, I think this really captures something true... On the other hand, it's easier to give advice when one is not completely involved. There is enough concern and care to want to help, but not enough to emotionally swamp the advisor (hopefully). People caught up in the situation tend to be just as blind as the person in the center. Good poem.

Ouch! As one who endlessly gives advice... Well done Angel-o-mine.

Thought-provoking indeed. Heh, Make love not war? I think if I'd written it, I'd have used "fires of passion" - but on reflection, fires is stereotypical, and it's stronger the way it is. For an occasional poet, you hit the spot.

Isnt it tragic being charismatic subservience becomes automatic How can an overseer be to blame When eager slaves look all the same. Who's to fault if they give without asking But eventually it becomes quite tasking...

I, on the other hand, will retreat behind Ancient Senility status, and just skip analysis to say I enjoyed this very much. Ha!

Difficult reading because of the raw nature of the emotion portrayed. Ouch! Found that particularly effective twist of phrase - death waiting to end isn't the usual stereotype.

Peredhil charges in happily, wearing his basketball skates and carrying his football bat, but before he can announce any of his many sports opinions, Guido and Nuncio bodily pick him up by the arms and carry him back out again.

Nice allegory. I've seen this in various forms before, but I like the way this one progresses. Nice choice of descriptions and motivations. -Peredhil

I wish you'd write more often, because I enjoy reading your works. Even when you deal with "less original, more traditional" works, (I can hear you saying why this isn't as good as I think it is, in my mind, ) you managed to infuse it with a creative voice and freshness that is all your own. I agree about the spelling/typo thing, but I understand the need to get the ideas out before you loose them or critique yourself into silence. You can always go back and edit later. Keep writing. You just get better. -P

Welcome back! Kinda neat, the discreetly appreciated object of desire appreciated for the creativity building IN the head as well. Moves it to a loving appreciation of the total package. I can just picture the protangonist thinking, "Lucky petals to have touched that cheek," as the subject talks on, oblivious to the feelings the writer holds.

great first post at the Pen! Welcome. Good job and a serious subject.

Yeah... It's a strange balancing act, being empathetic and understanding enough to try to make a difference, but being detached enough to recognize and allow the other their Free Will. well done.

Amazing. Resonants the feelings from what I've been told, although that person used cigarettes to brand their 'tattoo'.

graphic images and nice twists on contrasts. This would be a neat prologue to the story you're growing...

what a swirling cauldron of images, emotions, and metaphors! But... I like it.

I was with you until the last line... suffer unsufferable pain? Isn't that an oxymoron like military intelligence? Maybe suffer unendurable pain instead? Good work.

nicely done. admittedly I was reading quickly, but in a few spots, I had mental stuttering on the meter. For example, in the second stanza my mind wanted to turn "To hold it within my grasp." into "To hold within my grasp." Might just be a me-thing though. It's been a long day. A long day - but your poem brightened it. Thank you for posting.

avoids the whole butt thing as his target is far too large and inviting. I'd hate to end up the butt of the joke. Anyway, I think the first two stanzas contrast nicely, and set up for the unifying third verse, which in turn leads well into the well-wishing of the fourth. Good stuff, maynert.

Meep! That is rather dark! Fits the strange vampire craze mindset I've seen since Anne Rice hit it big. Dark or not, it's a good read.

bittersweet nostalgia... Sometimes though, the past is better for being passed.

I like this!!! Aghast and agape. heh. Good use of words in my opinion. You brought a definite feel to this.

I like this - I suppose my reply would be - the best time to say goodbye, or break up , or any of the rest, is when it becomes true. I'm big on honesty. I'd rather have pains of the moment than lies. but that's me

I'd forgotten how much fun we had hijacking that thread...

Friendship is accepting when you don't understand the other, but most particularly when you do understand but disagree.

Just to point out, we HAVE a chat board in the Shoutbox Rune so graciously provided, and additionally realtime chat capabilities on IRC in the galaxynet #thePen room...