Peredhil

Nice fiddle! I moved this to the Banquet Hall, so that those looking for Poems or Songs could make sure they see this gem. Welcome to the Pen! -Peredhil

I'm glad you put that in the past in the title. harsh and brutal, like the subject matter, but well done.

reads like a loving wedding wish to me. Nicely done - Peredhil

That's really well done. It's so hard NOT to be affected by the company one keeps - which makes the hard choices of with whom to associate so important. Even if one disagrees and just keeps silent - it does something to their thinking. I really like the line: When I first read it, I thought (as programmed by my culture) "How romantic!" That thought was chased away almost immediately by 22 years of experiences with, "How potentially codependent, what a burden to put responsibility for YOUR choices on someone else." I really didn't want to think tonight - but you kick-started my brain. Quite an accomplishment... -An Ancient rambling Peredhil

The letters indicate similiar rhymes. A - I think I shall never be A - The one with the bathroom key B - I'm always outside the door B - Hoping to avoid soiling the floor. A - Lady named Salinye B - Wandered from Norrath A - A Writer was in her heart to be B - To the Pen she made her path. There are formal structures with fixed schemes, like a sonnet, and free forms that sometimes don't have rhymes at all. Many song writers (some of my favorite Hip-Hop ones to which Wyvern has exposed me) don't rhyme - but let the cadence of the syllables and the alternating speeds of the words make a 'feeling' of rhymes where none are actually to be found. And if someone laughs at a question of what a word means, or how to understand writing, or what other writers have done... They are prolly shouting out their own insecurities with their laughter, and hoping to turn the attention to other's weaknesses... So no one will look at them. Rest assured M'Lady, here at THIS place, you are free to ask any writing questions you desire. Hopefully SOMEONE will be able to answer. If not - think of the glorious journey of learning as we try! Unanswered questions can be a blessing, giving direction and purpose. Enough rambles, sorry, I'm distracted tonight. -Peredhil

Could be a lack of Moderation time on the part of the Elders. Could be that this rule needs a review. the Writer's Workshop concept was carried over/absorbed from Nyyark's "The Draft Room", which he moderated fanatically. Since it was absorbed by the Pen, Nyyark has been absorbed by High School/preparing for College. I've noticed a great deal of our energy seems to come from our "Honored Guests" lately - who can't even SEE the Passageway...

Peredhil saunters in and hugs Boaz a happy welcome. Behind him, Guido and Nuncio, his Giant Guinea Pig Bodyguards use a giant spatula to carefully scrape Wyvern from the floor. As they bear him away, Elrohir carefully picks up stray scales and puts them in a small bag for reattachment. Elladan stands ready to follow them, dressed in surgical whites, and holding "Almost Dragonic Super Glue, the PERMANENT solution!" As Peredhil gets Boaz a drink, and urges him to spend his non-Everquesting hours in the Cabaret, Elladan murmurs with a blinding smile as he trails the others from the room, "This will only hurt..."

Fixes Celles with a penetrating gaze... M'Lady, Half-Elves, of course, are younger cousins to the Gods... Behind him Guido mimes vomiting as Nuncio covers his muzzle and runs from the room. Elrohir blushes as Elladan smiles brilliantly and takes a deep bow...

FWIW: For What It's Worth. It's received well by nearly anyone who's ever visualized a fight scene - and then discovered just how darned hard it is to write it! Sophistication? Elegance? You flatterer you, showers her with flowers. I tend to get a mind picture and then just write quickly. Since, in my opinion, I'm such a terrible writer compared to people who craft, revise, rework, and polish their stories (a Zool, a Yui Temae, a Cyril Darkcloud), I usually have to click post and run away for a day or two - if I reread, even to find spelling errors, I get the overwhelming urge to delete the post! It's a constant source of amazement that people find something to enjoy in what I write. Which I've found I have in common with many many MANY of those I consider good writers. On the bright side, the Pen has taught me to keep my insecurities silent and just say, "Thank you." That lesson comes from someone who posted at the old board, but hasn't made the transition to this one yet. They sent me an email telling me how much they'd enjoyed something I'd written. When I replied with how much it sucked, how it could've been better, yadda yadda yadda. They wrote back and explained I'd basically told them they were too stupid to judge a good work from a bad one, and that my 'being modest' had made them feel as if they shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Since that wasn't my intent... I apologized and tried to learn from it. I write all this in hopes that sharing what I've learned about receiving uncomfy praise will strike a chord with you. My apologizies if I bored anyone! -Peredhil

Peredhil covers his face as Power-Playing 101 is unveiled... but muffles chortles of laughter escape his hands... You're so clever. Why does this remind me of Doctor Evil somehow?

a writer who thinks everyone else is better? My goodness are you in good company HERE!

(Whee! Welcome back. Nice description on the fight scene, although at one point you nearly lost me when you described the Asian man suddenly as a Guard for a paragraph. I'll remove this comment to the Critic's Corner, where it belongs, in a day or so. I wasn't sure if you'd know to look for feedback on Assembly Room postings there. -Peredhil)

To me it feels incomplete in a three line stanza - perhaps the intended frustrating effect? When you want to really work an Idea or a Piece, posting it in the Writer's Workshop is the way to go. Say the word and an Elder will move this there for you...

very powerful and to the point. Since we ARE a writing guild dedicated to growth... It could be slightly reworked to tighten the wording, for example in: it likes to hide deep inside and i think that its gone and it pop up at that time did you mean: It likes to hide deep inside and I think that it's gone but it pops up at that time the "it's" shows you meant "it is" while using "but" instead of "and" shows contrast to what you just said - thinking gone but still there. Little things like that will give the Gentle Reader the full impact of what you've felt. Good job! -Peredhil

Peredhil strolls in and adjusts the lace foaming from the sleeves of his jacket. After an inquisitive flicker of an eyebrow is answered, he Politely hugs her welcome to the newest Pen site. Ladies, Gentlemen, and any other genders here... Lady Madoka is a Bard of Terra Lost, and thus was granted automatic Bard rank here at the Pen when we split from the online game of Archmage to devote ourselves to writing. Sadly, her repetoire at the Legion of the White Rose site seems lost in THEIR upgrade, or I'd direct you to some delightful reading. Even Orlan, our Elder of Bards, the zealous guardian of the cherished Bardic rank, approves of Lady Madoka - as he should, seeing that he was involved in her initiation... Peredhil considers offering details, but doesn't want this to be a Scarlett Pen post... I'll let you all judge her on her own merits, for water past the mill grinds not today's grain, but I will offer my opinion in this way. The Legion of the White Rose uses Lord and Lady as an honorific, a title extended to all its members. Perhaps as a standard to which to strive. In my experience, no matter what she says or does, Madoka-sama is a true descendent of samurai, a Lady of firey spirit and pride, where ever she goes or to what organizations she graces with her presence... With a bow, Peredhil waves his Ring and unveils all hidden areas of the Pen except the Tower to Lady Madoka, inviting her to explore as she wishes.

you do paint, Hun, just with words in our minds...

Elwen, Lady of Stars, Happy day of birth You've graced us with your presence, A deed of great worth. Happy Prime Number Birthday.

Hunger is the recognition of the Void Within. Some people spend a lifetime trying to fill it.

What a gush of love... Two feeling like one, neato while it lasts! It's good not to take it for granted.

"The highs and lows..." your latest captures the feeling behind that simple line. Good job.

The balance between solitude and lonliness. Individuality and isolation. Belonging or being absorbed. Personally, I'm often loneliest in a crowd, but I like how you took it deeper than the superficial 'me' focus to ask, "Who am I?" What a powerful question - how do I define myself? As a relationship? Father, Husband, Son, Friend? As a label? Male, Soldier, Poet? Or in some other way. How important are the labels with which we define ourselves and our boundaries... Thought provoking work on a training day. Good job.

There are some really good 'seed' ideas in here I'd love to see worked and developed. Nice starts.

Wearing pearls... You really bring out the entelechy of the person without long explanations. Good Job m'Lady.

Stands well on it's own, becomes even better for me when I read your explanation. Could be reworked, but everything important is there.

I know many of these 'if only' comments... This captures Mother AND Father I think. Communicates on a several levels - well done.