Peredhil

Laughs out loud What a great twist ending! I've had days where I wish I could say some of those things on the phone. but I just can't be that Rude.

Hmmm. Death? Isolation? Deafness? This reads on many levels and none. Speaking it aloud, some parts felt awkward - have you considered a rewrite?

You're welcome. I'm sorry I didn't come looking for this until now. I'd plead busy, but I should've made the time anyway. I still like it, and I think it captures the feeling of the lover fearing to leave. I think you might have meant "losing" you, but it works well in a clever way as it is - he doesn't want to let her loose, for fear so won't return. It must be difficult to feel so much, in passion's grip to burn.

There is a seed here, jagged and raw. But, like the doubled today in stanza three, this one just didn't sing to me. But then, my feedback isn't the law.

Finish this! Even without an EQ background, this begs to sing.

And Cyrano stood by, watching love flower, bloom and die, But it wasn't love for him. Many heart's sigh, have brokenly uttered this cry Denied love on Fate's whim.

Like Ursula LeGuin said, "Only in silence the word" Everything has a beginning middle and end -some fear to start because they fear to lose. I'm contrary and I'll defend. It's better to cherish the moment and live a while Life is the only coin we have to spend.

Heh. It doesn't matter what you say, In my mind I'm sure that I'm right and true, that you will see 'cause m'cause is honorable and pure. I like this poem, 'tis neatly done and also pleasureable to view. So I thought I'd grab a second to reply This poem back... from me to you.

This reads like the prologue to a weary warrior's tale The fulsome fighter's plea It's not the bright shining bardic lies Told bairn on bended knee. It reeks of real, the pain, fatigue Which perhaps was the plan? The last two lines when read aloud For me just didn't scan...

Might makes Right, or so it's told A handsome uniform looks so bold But wakes of pain become rather old And on your poem, I'm rather sold.

Ooooh. I liked this. How did you fit so much in so few words? I like!

I liked it there I like it here You criticize so well we give in to fear But to deny you praise Is to be silly goose My cheers I raise sung like Dr. Seuss. Good work Cyril. You seem to be an all-around writer. I'm pleased I can't pigeon-hole type you.

I like this on a few levels. I kept wanting to slip into a Nordic saga chant, but the meter didn't quite support it. I like the setup, the exploration, and then the resolution. An entire tale within a poetic piece.

Heh, I'm a sucker for haiku in general, and anything that references Pink Floyd in particular.

Gratz on the win... I don't know though, for me, I had trouble hearing the meter in my mind as I recited it, and some of the line breaks didn't seem to fit. But then, it could just be me. Reading it aloud, what do you think?

Heh, poetry runs in your blood, the word sings in your line already words begin to flood He's doing this just fine!

I liked this, faithful and true he was cleaved fast to she that lived above. Something in the last just doesn't seem to scan - Should it be rather perhaps, "love's" not love?

Avaunt! Hear the hounds? The foot is ahunt again!

As the Rubber Chicken exits stage left, two men dressed in tweed suits enter stage right, deeply in conversation. "So you see, old bean, it simply won't do." "But that's how it is, and where ever you go, there you are." "I'll grant you that, but when you arrive, you might be able to adjust things such that you aren't, if you follow me." "Quite, dear chap, I follow you keenly, but I'm not certain whence we'll proceed." At this point, the pair stop center stage, and turn to a quarter facing, so that each is three quarters facing the viewer. The man on the right pulls a thick folded paper from his pocket. With the assistance of the other, they unfold it to a life-sized photograph of the Queen of England - put with Elton John's face in place of hers. "And there it is. The Queen's eyes ARE red in the center. Do you think it was the glasses, or the camera?" "Well, what I think it -" He raises a finger and pauses dramatically, I think it's time for something completely different!" A giant foot descends from the ceiling and squashes them as the curtains sweep in from both sides. Parting, the curtains reveal...

Those were fun. For the information of the Gentle Reader, an Oleo is a short skit, often involving a song, or based around a single joke. If the Players are skilled, they can juggle a running gag through them. Back in the old days of live theater, many were ad libbed, and tried to set each other up for either great lines, or for failure - depending on the politics and feelings within the Cast. Many a Greenroom discussion (the Greenroom is where the Cast Members could relax out of character, away from the audience, and discuss the nuts and bolts of a performance) revolved around how best to present their comediac fun. Tragedy is easy - every one relates. But Comedy is a Killer. You know, there's no reason we couldn't revive that thread. It's just interwoven silliness, after all... But I agree, comments here. Peredhil whips out his Magic Wand of Eraser, and removes all the extra blank lines that the transfer from Ezboard left in the posts of the archived thread.

I'm afraid my only reference is nobody of consequence...

This is hauntingly good in its way. Nice off-the-cuff poem. Don't sweat the SoLs too much. I know you, and you're much smarter than you give yourself credit for. Like the monkey who swallowed the grapefruits said, "These too will pass." Hugs -Peredhil

Thanks. It was all based on a dream I woke up, still Seeing. My dreams tend to be like that - very detailed with a soundtrack (which unfortunately, as I don't write music, I left out). Went back and edited out the errors I found - thank you for the suggestion. Heh, sorry for the scare, but my household isn't THAT weird!

Peredhil begins laughing in delight. There are a couple of quotes, for example, President Andrew Jackson or Raymond Chandler, which would fit in this thread. But I think I'll leave the focus on this fun quirky work.

Rah! Welcome back!