Peredhil

Just zipped through this. Pressed for time, so I'll try to be more language cop critical when i get a moment, but you might read it out loud to yourself and see if you're shifting verb tense. Easier to catch when you hear it outside your head. But just wanted to say that I think you have the heart of it - I get a feeling and see the story easily, so you have an idea - the grammar stuff is just tweaking. I like how you can blend traditional character/plot/detail influences into something fresh, new, and all you. One reason I like to read your material - it's familiar while being original. *hugs and run* -Peredhil

Subject: Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer Translation: This song consists of folk-lore translated for the Politically Correct Reader. Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ... Translation: Rudolph was a four-hooved ungulate, Original: Had a very shiny nose ... Translation: Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre. Original: And if you ever saw him ... Translation: Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view, Original: You would even say it glows ... Translation: You would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities. Original: All of the other reindeer ... Translation: The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community, Original: Used to laugh and call him names ... Translation: Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms -- the objective of which was to lower his self-esteem and make him miserable. Original: They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games ... Translation: They also excluded him from participation in leisure activities consistent with their species. Original: Then one foggy Christmas eve ... Translation: However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified year... Original: Santa came to say ... Translation: A mythological, supernatural being inherent to western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas attitude and allegedly brings gifts to children) arrived through the super-saturated, humid air. Original: Rudolph, with your nose so bright ... Translation: He formally invited Rudolph, due to his extraordinary nasal characteristic. Original: Won't you guide my sleigh tonight? Translation: To stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express purpose that he navigate through the nocturnal mist. Original: Then all the reindeer loved him ... Translation: At that point, the multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed their disposition toward Rudolph to a more congenial, amicable relationship. Original: And they shouted out with glee ... Translation: They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervor, Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ... Translation: Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage, Original: You'll go down in history! Translation: You shall most certainly be recorded in the annals of time, and your memory will be preserved for posterity!

The Twelve Days of the Eurocentrically Imposed Midwinter Festival 17th Century Ancient 21st Century Modern On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me: On the first day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting, monogamous adult relationship gave to me: A partridge in a pear tree One spotted owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree Two turtle doves Two Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree bark Three French hens Three non-endangered PETA-approved “Freedom” species of concern Four calling birds Four hours of recorded whale songs Five golden rings Five cubic zirconiums that symbolize culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration Six geese a-laying Six enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products Seven swans a-swimming Seven endangered swans swimming on Federally protected wetlands Eight maids a-milking Eight economically disadvantaged female La Leche League supporters stealing milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans Nine ladies dancing Nine women engaged in rhythmic self-expression without using poles while playing ZZ Top songs Ten Lords a-leaping Ten melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system hurdling for joy at the thought of the new tax breaks Eleven pipers piping Eleven pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note) Twelve drummers drumming Twelve males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming and smoking sage Merry Christmas! Seasons Greetings! Happy Holidays! Happy Chanukah! Good Kwanzaa! Joyous Ramadan! Blessed Yule! Merry Christmas, unless otherwise prohibited by law. Or if you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD), please feel free to substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Kroger grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT KROGERS!!!

Smiles and passes him a Smurf.

I like the contrasts embedded. Random reply to a random post? (I'm distracted but couldn't walk by this one.) "True beauty... Is that special person's love" - a bit tighter and less passive voice. this is a preference thing, but my uneducated poetic style is to say how I would've done it. Breaking the line sets up a figure of speech to indicate emphasis through repetition (is... is... is...) As a segue to the second verse, perhaps, "It is a rose with blooded thorns." That image leads into the explanation of the pleasure/pain duality for me. If you did that, I'd switch the first two lines of the 2nd stanza - rose thorns, cuts, explanation seems to flow logically to me and the use of "is" in the first line would bridges the stanzas as well. Could even repeat the broken line of "True beauty is the blood that flows from a cut" which sets up a question answered in the next line. shocked from the traditional, open for explanation? Definitely agree with Regel (as usual). Third verse is more of a series of statements, true but without the explanation or connectivity. As the first of the personal stanzas that makes use of "I", what could you do? Hmmm. hesitantly Something like? "Once I thought I knew beauty It was reflected in the airbrushed faces of celebrities It was a statement said by the wealthy Seductive lies; I conformed to it." The two "know" in the next line, perhaps change one to "understand"? the ending line, "such things" since you've listed? I hope you take this not a poetry hijacking, but as an expression that I really like what you've done. -Peredhil

You continually amaze me with your freshness in old themes, creativity, and willingness to recreate yourself. I knew there was a reason I don't watch television, thank you for reminding me so poignantly. This, together with Poetic Justice's "Half-mast Patriot" to which I was listening recently, really show the greed that underlies so much of our media. Thought-experiment for the day - perhaps the mark of the beast from Revelations isn't physical, but a mental or spiritual mark, perhaps even a willingness to accept the hypocracy you've encapsulated here...

And THAT is why the Pen is mightier than the Sword. The words will rekindle a light in the minds of those numbed by disaster. Poets dream of possible futures, hopes, beyond the life-threatening hopeless situations of the present. It takes courage to post something positive about one's self - society is so quick to smack down anyone who looks as if they have self-esteem. I like this. -P'

Peredhil comes in with Melba's seasonal gift, and hears the newcomer's words, and looks warily for Falcon's Reply Raven. I like the idea, and that the speaker doesn't greet set-backs with giving up. Took the liberty of fixing a couple of spelling errors, hope you don't mind. I'd suggest recommend reviewing the use of conjunctions at the beginning of your lines. In a poem they can often diminish impact and meter. The "but" is strong in that it is necessary to set what follows in contrast to what has gone before, however the two "And" might be better implied. All in all, a worthwhile read. With a hug for all, he's gone again. Thank you!!! Feedback is how we *all* grow! -P'

Hail and well-met again M'Lord! I like the repetition/combinations - today tomorrow, pasts futures, then there - they read well. It's really good to see you post here again. Dances a hug to the big K

Nice...

Elvida!!! Yay! Hugs Welcome back, of course you're remembered silly. If you have a lack of your own words, you can get started by commenting on someone else's work. It helps to break Writer's block, and is always always appreciated. And yes, I know you don't know what to say, but few of us do - just say something anyway. learning to be a useful critic is one of the skills the Pen lets people develop. welcome back! -Peredhil

A double day for birthday fun Will we manage to come through? Hang the streamers, inflate balloons There's just so much to do. Samara Morgan, RPer keen 'Though the Ring I haven't seen For her we'll make a Hogwarts scene A flying broom on the table lean James James geriatric James, Herald Elder Ancient Lumpenproletariat (He's done it all it seems) He has the right to correct (well you know the rest) and is an even hundred today. I would give wise advice or something nice or well, dash it all I'll just give him a wheeled walker and this slightly used bottle of Geritol. Happy Birthday the twos of youse! -Peredhil

Hmmm. Guilt just seems to me to be such a wasted attitude. It chains people into the past and forces odd controlling overtones on them 'cause usually someone is trying to force the guilt on them, trying to force the error into the person and combine them. "You erred because you are bad." How silly. How defeating. "You erred because of this. You might be good, you might be bad, but that really has nothing to do with fixing the error." That seems a bit more productive to me. It would seem to me that it would be more productive to acknowledge a problem occurred, brainstorm on how to prevent it next time, and then move on through the present into the future and when the occasion occurs again, implement the solution determined in the brainstorming. lather, rinse, repeat. Define the problems, not the person. -A Peredhil two-cents

Brilliant. I'd thought you were spinning new spirals - spinning away from seed lain in the old, but transforming into the new. It's good to see you writing again. Valdar take note, there is life outside EQ!

Sometimes writing is like an old fashioned pump. It's work to lever the handle up and down, but the end result is worth it. It's necessary sometimes to "prime the pump", to take something in and write it back out, to read or reread a book, to listen to music, to take a walk, or to sit in the mall just people watching - or whatever can ease your heart while distracting your internal critic. It's necessary to let the bad stagnant stuff flow out unchecked, to get to the pure clean issue. Write. As you've done (and very well), write your anger, your frustration, your sorrow, your rage, your blockage, and then write a little more. If you write like that for a while, you'll find the lighter words peering through the dark jungle of feelings, trying to come out. Keep writing, I feel you have something in you to say. And even when I don't have time to reply, I read what you've written - and haven't regretted it yet. -Peredhil

Don't try everything! I'd recommend avoiding Mad Cow Disease, rape, and being murdered. I resolve to hold true to my beliefs, and continue to love others even when the response would not encourage it. Basically to turn off my "wants receiver" and be a broadcast station.

The last time I saw you, you were stomping barefoot and flashing eyed across a road looking for your brothers. Who knew you had poetry hidden in your heart? hugs Happy New Year back to you. -Peredhil

Say Pip, you're sixteen Behind the glasses, a mind that's keen Looking at life without blinders on To the absurdities of dark you're somewhat drawn But in good company travelling not alone "Although my group is apart" you may moan Every shadow is cast by light And dawn follows seemingly endless night. Hugs Mr. P

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas Edison "Perfection is not attainable, but if you chase perfection, you can catch excellence." Vince Lombardi "I love strawberries and cream but fish like worms, so when I go fishing I use worms." Dale Carnegie "I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself." Aldous Huxley "Vision is the art of seeing things invisible." Jonathon Swift "If persuasion doesn't work, try bullets." Abraham Lincoln "Complacency is a one-way ticket to the back of the line." Unknown "True quality in communication is taking the time to be brief, yet understood. If I had more time I'd write a shorter note." Unknown

For me is it similiar to how Aardvark just described. The Vision, then the lame attempt to somehow transmit it. I'm told I do better in person. I *dream* of having writing as good as an average 8 year old doctor!

Peredhil steps into the room, beaming with happiness reflected back by all the cute lambs. Why anyone would be afraid of them was beyond him; he'd always gotten along well with the gamboling darlings. Although they'd come to him occasionally after having stepped in blood to have their precious lil' hooves cleaned, that used to happen all too frequently. He'd warned them to watch where they stepped and they'd baaahed back soothing reassurance. Looking about, he saw that St. Wyvern had already set the room and the mood, and was looking at the wool costume the lil' darlings were presenting him sheepishly. "no, no," urged the Polite Ancient, "if you make this a costume party, no one will have time to attend!" Wyvern nodded urgently and scurried out to attend to his Elder business, such a dear nearly dragonic figure, always so busy. "Happy birthday to ewe..." Peredhil began to sing. Several of the sheep gagged a bit, but then all joined in with their own song, drowning him out firmly.

Although I said it in person (in the four hour conversation you endured) Perhaps I ought said it Penningly For by my words you were well manured... Happy birthday and here's to growth, where ever it takes you. -Peredhil

Sorry, swamped. Holiday seasons and vacations are a big part of this sort of echoing silence - I'd suggest letting this run through February myself - you've got a good thing going here. Additionally - sorry Richard and I haven't finished our dangling conversation, but I'm being ruthless in prioritizing my time at the moment.

After getting starry-eyed over Salinye's wisdoms, Peredhil begins laughing helplessly at the "Now for something completely different" alternative...