Wyvern

Wavechild shifts uneasily in her applicant easychair, her confusion and anxiety slowly building in the Elder of Initiates' extensive absence. Fiddling with a pen nervously, she turns towards HappyBuddha, Gryphon and Cyril Darkcloud, who are sitting on a pile of papers, pacing back and forth, and leaning back against a filing cabinet respectively. Wavechild diverts her eyes from the company for a moment, rocking back and forth in her chair and staring at the ground. She then clears her throat and mutters: "I'm guess it must have been quite a large shiny that Wyvern was holding when you last saw him huh?" HappyBuddha, Gryphon, and Cyril let out a collective sigh. "I don't think I've ever seen Wyvern carrying a large shiny" grumbles Cyril, turning his eyes towards Wavechild and frowning. "In fact, even a medium shiny would be a stretch." "Yeah" mutters Gryphon. "I'm really sorry about this whole waiting period, Wavechild. Wyvern has frequently been known for his erratic behavio-" Gryphon is suddenly interrupted as the Office door slams open and Wyvern barges into the room, causing HappyBuddha and Cyril to jump from their positions. The four Office dwellars raise their brows as they notice that the overgrown lizard is thoroughly tangled in metallic wire, and slowly follow his progress as he hobbles through the room while tugging at his bonds. The reptilian Elder eventually reaches Wavechild and performs an awkward half-bow, cringing as the kneeling position tightens his wiring, and hisses: "Sssssssorry about being so late in arriving, got a little tied up in Christmas decoration-related schemes. Let's see, applications..." Wyvern turns towards the pile of papers where HappyBuddha had previously been seated, and is pleasantly surprised to see that the paperwork has been straightened out in his absence. Hopping over to the pile and accidentally losing his balance on his way there, the overgrown lizard is fortunate enough to land face first next to Wavechild's application. "Hmmm..." mutters Wyvern from his position on the floor, secretly suppressing his bias against water-related names. "Wavechild huh? Nice to meet ya." With that, Wyvern fidgets into a more comfortable position on the ground and carefully reads over Wavechild's application poem. Once the lizard has finished, he rolls over so that he's facing the applicant and breaks out into a toothy grin, hissing: "Well, I see that I'm not the only one feeling the Christmas 'spirit.' Would you be interested in some Almost Dragonic Brand Generic Xmas Wiring™ by any chance? The cost is 10 geld, though you'll have to find some way to remove it from me if you want to have it... works great for mistletoes, lighting, and flying reindeer booby traps." Wavechild raises a brow at the lizards outlandish offer and slowly shakes her head, causing him to slump over in his position and sigh. HappyBuddha notices this and tosses Wyvern an acceptance stamp from the Recruiter's Desk, which the Elder of Initiates grabs with his teeth in order to stamp Wavechild's application ACCEPTED. ;-) OOC: An ACCEPTED application, Wavechild, welcome to the Mighty Pen! I look forward to reading more of your poems and comments, as well as any other forms of writing projects that you might have to offer. Sorry once again for the late reply, and welcome!

Riven nods quietly and jots reverie's suggestions down on a dragon paw notepad he carries, sighing to himself and adjusting his dragon skin coat nervously. Pacing back and forth and feeling the comfort of his dragon hide boots, the applicant reaches into his dragon scale backpack and takes out a dragon claw pencil sharpener. He grumbles to himself as he attempts to sharpen his rounded dragon tooth pencil, and curses when it doesn't work. "Darn" mutters Riven, turning towards Gryphon and reverie. "I knew I should have brought my dragon horn sharpener, it's more effective than the dragon claw one. I don't suppose either of you have a pencil sharpener that works with bone?" Gryphon and reverie cast a quick glance to each other, then shrug and shake their heads apologetically. Eyeing Riven curiously, Gryphon clears his throat and eventually musters the courage to ask: "Riven, I'm curious... what's with all the dragon gear anyway?" Riven broods for a moment, then growls: "Well, after the whole 54 dragon slaughter thing, there were all of these dragon corpses blocking the farming pathways of the kingdom... so I guess the King decided to be 'resourceful' with them." Riven sighs and rolls his eyes. "If you think this is excessive, you should see what happened to the kingdom... they even have dragon skeleton playgrounds for the kids." Gryphon snickers a little, and is about to respond when an unmistakable almost dragonic voice interrupts him: "Did I just hear "dragon" and "excessive" mentioned in the same sentence?" Wyvern grins a toothy grin from his position at the doorway, nodding to reverie and Gryphon as he enters into the Office and bowing upon reaching Riven. "Apologies for the slight delay, Riven" hisses Wyvern, snatching up Riven's application story and skimming over it. "You wouldn't believe the rumors circulating the Pen. Supposedly, there's one of those annoying dragon slayer creeps moseying around the... oh. Well, hello there." Wyvern strikes a nervous grin and raises his claws in front of him as Riven grunts angrily, reaching for his sword. The reptilian Elder then quickly tosses a sign around his neck that reads "ALMOST a dragon" for security, and slides an "Undead Vote Almost Dragonic Too" pin to Timak. He then turns to Riven and jitters: "W-well, I mean, th-that is to say, you've certainly embarked on some brave endeavors. Ahahaha! Ha. L-listen, I'll get to stamping this ACCEPTED right away." "Good" declares Riven, grinning to himself and releasing his sword grip. He then points to a bag lying next to his feet. "In return, you can have this bag of leftover dragon parts, which never ended up getting used." Wyvern perks up upon hearing this, and immediately stamps Riven's application ACCEPTED. As the applicant proudly looks over his accepted application, Wyvern begins examining the bag of leftover dragon parts. Clawing the bag and picking it up, the overgrown lizard moves over to a table and then turns it upside down in anticipation, emptying it of several dragon arms and legs. The greedy reptile then suddenly notices that Tanuchan seems to be mysteriously absent... ;-) OOC: An ACCEPTED application, Riven, welcome to the Mighty Pen! I hope that you enjoy your stay here, and apologize for the delay in responding. Once again, welcome.

Apart from YanYanGanaffi's comment on the first post in the thread, I haven't seen any peoples' thoughts on this story so far, so I thought I'd start a thread of feedback for it here. I'm really enjoying this story so far, Quin, and am definitely looking forward to seeing how it developes. I think that the scenario that you've set up in these first few posts is very original and evocative, as Ludmilia's conflict immediately intrigued me and drew me into the story. Many of your sentences incorporate more original details than some full stories have over the course of their duration, and they establish an extremely vivid picture of the scenes. Regardless of the partially borrowed setting, there's also something eerily personal about the narrative that I find very intriguing, and the notion that it's part of Tzimfemme's prehistory only amplifies my interest in it. For the record: this is one of the few threads of prose that I immediatly read through upon first viewing it, rather than skimming over it and then revisiting it later as I do with most threads. There was one moment in this initial segment that struck me as somewhat awkward, which was Ludmilia's brief dialogue in the first post. I felt that the switch from "I need a man" to "forget that, they keep on hanging around" seemed a bit abrupt... maybe if her train of thought were interspersed with a product commercial, or some other small event that causes her tone to shift, it would work better. Eagerly anticipating the continuation! Wyv

Thanks guys. Sorry that I haven't been updating this thread much recently, I sort of figure that those who are interested and like to tune in already know about the show, and I don't want to distract people from more important threads. Add the fact that WRGWs AIM and computer have been down, and that disorganized equipment ruined my last show, and you have my full reasons for not keeping this thread up to date. ;-) Thanks very much once again to the Big Pointy One, Tamaranis, and Xradion for calling into my show a couple of weeks back, as well as to Joat for convincing people to call in at the last minute when the folks that were supposed to phone never showed up. It was a very fun show, despite a few technical difficulties and awkward moments here and there. Unfortunately, nobody recorded the show as an MP3. I do, however, have it on minidisc, and a friend of mine might be burning it to an online-accesible format. No promises, but we'll see... I had no show last week due to Thanksgiving, and my show before that was an utter and complete disaster. I was going to do a show on Molemen Inc. (which will be the theme for this week) but couldn't get any of the stations equipment working and ended up abandoning my theme entirely. Perhaps the most frustrating and embarassing moment of the evening was when Panik of the Molemen unexpectedly decided to call in for an interview, and I couldn't even hook him up over the air, let alone play his music. Anyway, the show definitely ranks up there in my most embarassing moments of all time, and was a castastrophe that's best left forgotten. ;-p I decided to update the thread this week as I just wanted to note that this Friday will be my last show of the semester, and will be based around the Chicago super-production crew the Molemen. They're some of my favorite producers in the industry, and have collaborated with rappers ranging from the nerdiest of nerdy to the streetest of street. Panik mentioned that he might try to call in again, so tune in if you can!

So... I recently read through all of "Ward" as one collective story, and I think that it's an excellent piece of writing Zadown. I particularly loved the relationship that you established between Jankiize and the Dreamer, as the ambivalent emotions and situations that played out between the two of them were excellent. The Dreamer has always been an awesome character to read in his chaotic mannerisms and calm yet spiteful ways, and the inclusion of Jankiize seemed to offer a new caring side to his personality that only further developed him as a character. Similarly, I found the ambivalent relationship that you established between the orders of Chaos and Law fascinating, as each of the sides seemed to have their strengths and weaknesses yet neither was clearly good or evil. A number of the descriptions and dialogues in the text were also brilliant, and there were many memorable scenes that really stood out for me. A couple that immediately come to mind are: the scene where Jankiize recieves her first scar as a youth, the scene when Jankiize escapes from her room into the halls of the Pen, the episode where the Dreamer travels to the Chaos Fortress and scars Tlaiv de Varmeghast, and the moment where the Dreamer finally gets to flex the power of the Grail that he's been searching for for so long (the lil fire balls and Maidens of Daggers' were wikkiiiid fresh!) Also, I thought the manner that the earlier chapters were split into two sections was an interesting narrative technique, as the seperate stories held my interest for the course of the narrative. I also thought it was really cool how you involved elements of the Pen into the story, such as Jankiize's exploring its halls and Yui's lessons on womanhood, and I'm happy to see that the Pen is important enough to enter into the Dreamer's epics. Wyvern has gotta visit Arkstâd one of these days... they seem to have a great deal of respect for money, and a wonderful sense of fashion at that. ;-) (of course, who knows what connotations the lizard might have read "leatherclad wyvern-riders" under... ;-p) In terms of potential improvements for this story, should you wish to go back over it and edit it some day... there were moments in the story involving Jankiize that lagged for me a bit near the end. While Jankiize has a great character throughout most of the text, her personality seems to be most apparent in her interesting interactions with the Dreamer, and is not quite as present when she's acting solo. This was particularly apparent to me in the scenes detailing the preparations of Jankiize, Graeher, and Sreacjim before the final battle, which kind of dragged for me and made me eagerly await the Dreamer's reappearence to liven things up. I also thought that the Dreamer's agreeing with Jankiize to fight out the war for Arkstâd was reached rather quickly given his long planning and preperation to take the Grail, not to mention the potentially disasterous consequences for staying for the fight. Also, Jankiize mentions that the Dreamer should stay to fight as he's a hero to Arkstâd, yet the reactions of the people of Arkstâd suggested to me that they didn't think highly of him, and you might want to clarify their admiration for him. Finally, the random wyvern-guard soldier that shows a love interest for Janikiize didn't really seem to add anything to the story for me, and could probably be dropped. Another minor thing that bugged me a little throughout the story is that we never get a very clear sense of Jankiize's age in any of the segments, as her naiive and somewhat childish ways seem to stick with her up into adulthood. This might be corrected with something as simple as mentioning exactly how old she is through some dialogue or an observation or two. Minor complaints aside, this is an excellent and provocative story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, and a welcome addition to the Dreamer's extensive resume. It's always a bit sad to finish such a detailed and intriguing work... I'll be certain to read through "Oblivion" when I get the chance. Great stuff! Wyv- P.S: So, the sword was called "Winter's Touch" in the end, eh? I remember that IRC conversation well... Frosty's Reaper? St. Nick's Sabre? Rudolf's Antler Horn of Doom? ;-p

"Exccceeelllent" hisses Wyvern from behind Peredhil, plucking one of the rings out of the container and examining it gleefully. "Using rings as a means for transportation in the search for Annael. Big P, you're a genious!" "Errr..." mutters Peredhil upon noticing Wyvern, watching uneasily as the butterflies attached to the rings nip at the lizards claws when he tries to go for seconds and thirds. "Well, I'm glad you like i-" "And Stick, I love your idea as well." interrupts Wyvern, grinning deviously and rubbing his scaly palms together. "We'll all seperate into groups, and the first to find Annael will be declared her hero and victor!" The adventuring crowd glares at Wyvern upon hearing this, and Gyrfalcon slaps a palm on his forehead. "Well then, ladies and gentsss" hisses Wyvern, bowing to the crowd before turning his back to them. "It's time for me to see just how far this ring can take me. I'll meet you at the spot where Annael has been kidnapped and hidden, best of luck... you succckerrrrs!" With that, Wyvern lets out a gale of evil laughter and rushes out of the room with his butterfly ring, racing down the hall and exiting through the front doors of the Pen. The other adventurers watch the lizard from a window as he hails down an old man driving a rickety mule cart, which happens to be passing by the Pen at a snails pace. The lizard then pawns off his ring to the old man in order to catch a ride on the dismal wagon, causing the other adventurers to shake their heads in sympathy. As they watch the wagon slowly trail off, Knight turns to Tanuchan and says: "Say, isn't it more likely that Annael might be found somewhere around the Pen?" Tanuchan nods. "Yeah, I wonder where the overgrown lizard thinks he's going." "Well..." sighs Stick, shaking his head. "I guess we can't blame him for trying." ;-p

"Well well well" hisses Wyvern, cackling evilly. "That was a purrty scary story, now wasn't it? So frightening that it doesn't even need a 'to beak continued..." so good that you could call it the cat's pajamas! Muahahaha!" At this point, Greedy the Elder Dwarf has had enough of Wyvern's corny punning, and decides to change his sinister organ melody to an extra upbeat version of "Take me out to the Ball Game". The Gypped Keeper pauses for a moment upon hearing this change in atmosphere, then hisses: "Errr, yeessss. Well kiddies, it's the bottom of the ninth, and there's only one more story to go. This next tale is more terrifying than Barry Bonds not hitting a home run. It's a real crowd pleaser, a double header that will make you run even after you've had four balls..." Greedy shakes his head and gives up all hopes of saving the show upon hearing this, ending his melody in a cacophonous blare and tossing his fake phantom of the opera mask to the ground. The Elder Dwarf then storms out of the room, causing several women to shriek in horror as they notice that his uncovered face is similar to that of Wyvern. The Gypped Keeper sits in silence for a moment, then twiddles his claws nervously and mutters: "This yarn's so scary that even Dwarves won't dare to listen to it, and is so creepy that it causes a complete silence every time it's read. I call this final story: THE TRUENAME SHOW --- Cryptomancer looked over his arrangement of items in the Hall of Enchantment with pride, sternly nodding to himself as he began checking things off of his list. Sacrificial altar, check. Symbols representing matter, check. Luminous magic chalk circle, check. Candle arrangements, check. Symbols representing magic, check. Incense, check... "Cryyyyypt" called the voice of YanYanGanaffi from a corner of the room. "How much longer is this gonna take? This goat outfit is beginning to make me sweaty, and I really don't see why you had to bind me in these ropes..." "Silence, YanYan" said cryptomancer, checking off onyx shadow dragon idol and crimson curtains from his list. "As I explained to you earlier, your time will come soon. You must simply endure a few inconveniences for the moment." Skeletal dracolitch remains, check. Token magma pit, check. Symbols representing life, check. "But cryyyypt" called YanYan, shifting an inch in his position. "I've been sitting here for a while now, and it's really uncomfortable. I'm still getting candy for this, right?" "Yes, YanYan, now quiet" said cryptomancer, meditating as he checked the final two items off of his list. "Well then, by the looks of things, we're all ready to go." Cryptomancer grinned and turned towards YanYanGanaffi, wandering over to him and helping him up while making sure his bonds were firmly secured. As he directed him towards the altar located at the center of the chamber, cryptomancer exclaimed: "This is a very exciting day for me, YanYan. It's a powerful day, a victorious day... the day I finally discover my truename! Finally, after all these years, I'll have full access to the five disciplines of cryptomancy. I can hardly wait!" "Yeah yeah" muttered YanYanGanaffi, rolling his eyes until he spotted the candies that had been spread out across the altar. "Tzimfemme-brand chocolate Pen members! Alriiiiiiiiiiighhht!" "Yes YanYan" said cryptomancer smiling, helping the goat-costume sporting pennite onto the altar. "Here is your candy, as promised. Now please, seat yourself as I perform the ritual." "Can you untie me first?" mumbled Ganaffi through a mouthful of chocolate, kneeling and eating the candies off the altar like a goat. "It'd be a lot easier to eat the chocolate that way." "Not quite yet" responded cryptomancer as he weaved his hands in several motions and began humming a spell. YanYan went still as cryptomancer began waving his hands in the air and speaking indecipherable incantations with every breath, his words growing faster and louder as the minutes progressed. Soon, the crimson curtains cloaking the room began jolting violently as magical energy started spinning through the room, building up with the intensity of cryptomancers voice. "C-c-crypt-?" started YanYan, only to watch in bewilderment as cryptomancers katana flew from his belt out of its own accord and fired straight at him, mercilessly cutting off the head of his goat costume and causing him to scream. Cryptomancer grinned upon seeing this, only to frown as he watched his set of rattan sticks fly out of his belt and soar into the air. The two sticks spun in the air for a moment, then redirected their course towards cryptomancer in the hopes of beating him down "Cops" style. The sorceror shrugged upon seeing this and maintained his calm as he broke the rattans in half with skillful martial arts maneuveurs, regretting only the notion that he had to destroy a gift from Mynx. Confidentally watching the magic build up in the room and cracking his knuckles, cryptomancer grinned for a moment only to drop to his knees as a great pain began consuming his chest. "Wh-wh-what issss?" cried cryptomancer, clenching his teeth as the fabrics of his shirt began tearing open. "Goooiiiiinnnnng onnnnnn?!" After a few minutes of extreme pain, cryptomancer glanced up and gaped in bewilderment at what he saw. The tattoo that had once covered his upper torso was now an entirely seperate entity that stood before him majestically, gleaming with the essence of magical power. "Cryptomancer." boomed the apparition of the magic tattoo. "You have performed the sacred ritual, and have passed the tests of agility and endurance. You have thereby meritted the knowledge of your truename. Are you ready to learn your truename, sorceror?" "Y-y-yessssss!" cried cryptomancer, still clutching his chest yet expressing great joy. "Very well." boomed the tattoo, glittering slightly in its magical radiance. "Your true name is-" Cryptomancer sucked in a breath and held it. "Cutesymancer the Playful Pink Mage." Cryptomancer considered this name for a moment, then promptly fainted into a devastated heap. Looking down at the unconscious cryptomancer, the magical tattoo apparition turned to YanYanGanaffi and exclaimed: "That was meant as a joke. Do you think he took it seriously?" "I dunno." mumbled YanYanGanaffi, finishing the last of the candies and still eating directly off of the altar. "Fetch me a couple more candies, and maybe I'll come to a conclusion." fin~ ;-) OOC: This thread has been a contribution to Valdar's Second Annual Mighty Pen Writing Exchange, and is for cryptomancer. Hope it doesn't inspire too many nightmares... ;-)

Noc leans back in his applicant easy chair and stares blankly at the ceiling of the Office, the veins surrounding his temple throbbing in response to an approaching headache. The applicant had been waiting for several days in the hopes of having his story accepted by the Elder of Initiates, but had yet to see the infamous Elders scaly face. In fact, with the exception of an odd incident where an orangutan had crawled out of an air duct and passed by his seat, the lonely applicant hadn't seen anyone enter the cluttered Office. Sighing and breaking his eyes from a meditative trance, Noc lifts himself from his seat only to jump as the front door of the Office suddenly slams open and Wyvern barges in. Turning towards the tired applicant and bowing apologetically, Wyvern quickly rushes towards his desk and sorts through several documents, hissing curses under his breath until he comes across Noc's application story. Turning to the applicant and frowning, the overgrown lizard hisses: "Ssssorry for being so late, Noc. Ever since the Chef Special Operations Outfit has been on my trail, Almost Dragonic Brand Thanksgiving Schemes have been much harder to execute. You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to paint a rubber chicken brown and pass it off as a roasted turkey nowadays.." Picking up Noc's application sheet and brushing off the cobwebs that have gathered on it, Wyvern immediately sets about reading over the story. Once he's finished, the overgrown lizard strikes a grin full of razor-sharp teeth and exclaims: "A nice application piece, Noc. There's certainly a lot to be thankful for in this piece. Before I accept it, however, I want to offer you a product that I think you may particularly enjoy." Noc raises a brow as Wyvern digs through the pockets of his tunic for moment, only to squint as the greedy lizard cups his claws together and shows him what appears to be thin air. "Errr, Wyvern?" mutters Noc, staring at his empty claws. "Are you sure that you didn't miss the product? I don't see anything there." "Well that's precisely what it is." hisses Wyvern gleefully, grinning and winking. "Nothing, but not just any nothing. This is Almost Dragonic Brand Nothing™, guaranteed to have more durability then your normal nothing when it comes to extensive staring periods." Noc stares at Wyvern as if he were insane, then slowly mutters: "Uhhh, I'll pass." Wyvern curses to himself and nods, stamping Noc's application ACCEPTED and deciding that he'd have to use those leftover candywrappers as Almost Dragonic Brand Stuffing™ after all. ;-) OOC: A good story, Noc, and an ACCEPTED application. Welcome to the Mighty Pen! I apologize for my late reply, and look forward to reading more of your work as well as to participating with you in Pen commnity projects. Once again, welcome!

Wyvern nods to Sparhawk and examines the stamp curiously, raising a brow as he reads the lettering on the back of it and hissing quietly to himself. After a moment, the overgrown lizard sets the stamp onto his desktop and mutters: "Sparhawk, what did Silly say to you when he gave you this stamp?" "What did he say to me?" repeats Sparhawk. He considers the question for a moment, then grins and poses proudly. "The last thing he said to me was 'how about I take the banana and run?,' but I had him trapped so he couldn't move a muscle!" "Hmmm..." hisses Wyvern in a concerned manner. "I guess that explains why the back of this stamp reads 'Fooled You!' ... The real Silly is an orangutan and can only speak through (literal) sign language, so that Silly you caught must have been a clever decoy." Sparhawk's jaw drops. "WHAT?! B-b-b-but!" "Don't worry about it." hisses Wyvern, his face going blank. "Not the first time that Silly has fooled people in this way." "Well...!" cries Sparhawk angrily, cracking his knuckles. "I still have that imposter trapped in my magic, so I think it's time to wrangle some-" "That won't be necessary" hisses Wyvern, reaching into a pocket of his tunic and pulling out an acceptance stamp. The overgrown lizard winks at the applicant. "I always keep a spare." Sparhawk's facial expression freezes into a distorted "then-why-did-you-have-me-brave-the-air-ducts?!" grimace, which is quickly assuaged when Wyvern stamps his application ACCEPTED. ;-) OOC: An ACCEPTED application, Sparhawk, welcome to the Mighty Pen. I look forward to reading more of your writing and to participating with you in roleplaying projects... after all, it's only a matter of time before you happen to come across the real Silly again ;-) Nice to have you with us.

"Not Shakespeare" corrects Wyvern, raising a scaly claw and grinning. "Shakespearian. Y'know, like similar to the manner that spears shake...?" Sparhawk lets out an aggravated sigh and shakes his head, ignoring Wyverns comments and repeating his question: "So, where should I start looking for this Silly dwarf, Wyvern? He seems to be a rather stealthy orangutan." "Well" hisses Wyvern, scratching his scaly chin and glancing up at the open air duct. "You could start by crawling through that air duct and tracing his tracks. From there, the chase could lead to anywhere from the Pen's greenhouses to its sewage systems. Best of luck." Sparhawk pauses, frowning and staring blankly at Wyvern. "Awww c'mon Sparhawk, it's not so bad." mutters Wyvern, approaching the applicant and patting him gently on the shoulder. "You just need some equipment and you'll be fine. And you happen to be in luck, since I'm going to be having a sale on Almost Dragonic Brand Leftover Flashlights™, Almost Dragonic Brand Glow-in-the-Dark Air Duct Compasses™, and Amost Dragonic Brand Cold-Blooded Heat Sensor Imps™ in exactly three seconds!" Sparhawk stutters, and raises a hand to respond only to have a large bag of second-hand items shoved into it. Wyvern has already begun to ring up Sparhawks' "purchases" when the applicant drops the bag to the ground and glares at him, causing him to come to a halt in his calculations. Sparhawk casts a glance towards the air duct, then turns back to Wyvern and mutters: "It's fine, I'll be able to handle the situation without your products Wyvern. Just give me a banana to give to Silly." "Ccccertainly" hisses Wyvern, picking half of an overripe banana from the junk strewn on his desktop and examining it for a moment. "I'd say, for a banana like this, you won't be paying any less than two hundred geld." Sparhawk's jaw drops open...

Last Thursday, I went to see a number of local D.C and Maryland hip hop acts perform at the GWU Hippodrome, including DPA, Flex Mathews, Seez Mics, Project Lumens, Dirty Water, and Enjay. The show was free, though the crowd was rather small due to the artists having very little material out and the show's being poorly promoted. While waiting for the first act to perform, I met one of the M.Cs of Dirty Water and chatted with him a bit, exchanging contact info with him and taking a promotional copy of his album. He struck me as a nice guy, and seemed eager for a bit of exposure on the radio. The first act to perform was DPA, which was a group that consisted of two M.Cs and one D.J. They performed some traditional hip hop, and were decent though they ultimately came across as average and were forgettable (which is part of the reason that this paragraph is so short!) After DPA finished their set, Flex Mathews the "out-of-work super hero" stepped up to perform his set. I had seen Flex before as a warm up act for Breeze Evahflowin and Immortal Technique, and had really enjoyed the material he had performed when he opened for them. I enjoyed his performance even more this evening, as he performed a longer set and had the chance to go into some excellent songs, including his signature track "Backpacker's Anthem" which I can definately relate to. It's a shame that Flex doesn't have any recorded material out, as his performances suggest that he may be one of Washington D.C's most talented rappers. I got his contact info after the show ended, and am hoping to get him to perform on my show at some point. When Flex Mathews finished his set, Seez Mics took the stage to perform. Seez was perhaps the best known out of the artists that performed in the concert, as his group Educated Consumers is known in the underground circuit in areas outside of D.C. Seez Mics' performance was pretty good, though I've always appreciated his freestyling abilities more than his recorded materials, and he only performed songs from his albums during his set. After Seez Mics finished, there was a brief intermission and then Project Lumens took their turn at performing. I had never heard of this group before, but the two M.Cs of Project Lumens greatly impressed me with their energetic stage presence and rhymes, as they were jumping around, dancing, and doing cartwheels over the course of their entire set. I was dancing in the front row, and one of the M.Cs actually jumped down from the stage and had me sing one of the choruses, which was fun. While Project Lumens' energy and stage performance surpassed any of the other performers, my one complaint with their set would be that their beats didn't compliment the energetic nature of their rhymes, as the music seemed too sluggish for the pace of the energetic M.Cs. Never the less, Project Lumens was definately one of the evenings highlights. The final two acts of the evening were Dirty Water and Enjay, both of whom had their moments but were ultimately unimpressive. Dirty Water's vocals were somewhat interesting, but their monotonous beats made their performance boring. The opposite can be said of Enjay, who had excellent beats but a very poor voice and delivery. Fortunately, all of the M.Cs took the stage at the very end of the show and performed a number of excellent posse cuts together, also performing a twenty minute freestyle session after they had finished with their official tracks. Overall, it was a fun show, but certainly not the best line up of acts I've seen in concert. Never the less, it was a good way to learn more about D.C's hip hop talent, and was certainly worth attending given the free price.

"Yessss" cackles Wyvern, rubbing his scaly palms together and grinning sinisterly. "It seems that cryptomancer got himself caught in a rather tight squeeze in that last story, didn't he? Muaha! Muahahahahahaha!" The Gypped Keepers maniacal laughter is interrupted by the moans of several zombies, who groan extra loudly at the lizards "morbid" sense of humor. Grumbling to himself, Wyvern scowls at the undead and shakes a scaly fist, hissing: "Quiet, or I'll have you devoiced the next time you're ressurected! Yeesh, serves me right for hiring those second rate necromancers to get me an audience. Still, I gotta thank you corpses for being such a lively crowd of undead this evening!" With that, the lizard turns his head back to his tome, causing the zombie puppets on his horns to jingle in a cute and unintimidating manner. Leafing through the dusty pages of his old book, the overgrown lizard pauses upon reaching a section bookmarked by a raven feather, and breaks out into an evil grin. "Ahhhhhhh... Here is another story that will frighten even the most brave listeners and cause them to caw like a baby. I like to call this little shocker:" STARK RAVEN MAD --- Cryptomancer sighed to himself as he lounged in his room, staring at the ceiling and fiddling with a crow feather that had fallen from him when he had last transformed. It was a lazy Summer day, and the only activity that the powerful mage could think of participating in was staring at the ceiling in a daze, a past time hobby that he considered a mix between meditation and "utter boredome." The mage breathed a dismal sigh and shut his eyes, only to perk up as he heard a knock at his door. He turned curiously, then shouted: "Who is it?" "It's me" called back the unmistakeably rhythmic and harmonious voice of musicevangelist. "Can I please come in?" "Sure, the door is unlocked." called cryptomancer, smiling as musicevangelist opened it and stepped into his abode. "How are you doing today? You wouldn't happen to be as bored as I am, would you?" "I'm afraid so" said musicevangelist, his voice bouncing in a beautiful falsetto. "But I may have a solution to both of our problems of boredome. I have a beautiful new song that I'd like to sing, and it requires your help." "Oh yeah?" said cryptomancer curiously, eager to participate in one of musicevangelists beautiful songs but nervous that he might not live up to expectations. "How can I help?" "At the end of the song, three 'caws' from a crow are needed." sang musicevangelist. "Could you do that for me, crypt." "Sure." said cryptomancer after a moments pause, smiling to himself and concentrating his efforts on changing forms. Once cryptomancer had changed into his raven form, he flapped his wings and perched himself on the windowsill of his room, waiting for musicevangelists signal to caw. Smiling and nodding to cryptomancer the raven, musicevangelist then began his song: "Permanence is Permanent" (sung to the tune of "Santa Clause is coming to Town") "Transient this, ephemeral that, no don't even start, those terms are old hat. Permanence is sticking... aroooouund. You thought it was quick, it came in a flash But now it'll stick, just wa- wait a minute! The music that musicevangelist had conjured for the number came to an abrupt halt as he stopped singing. Upon noticing this, cryptomancer let out three caws in the hopes of being useful. "Sorry crypt." muttered musicevangelist in a not-so-harmonic voice. "That actually wasn't the song I was thinking of. 'Permanence is Permanent' is a magical song that I learned from this tribe of anti-doppleganger golems, who used to hunt shapeshifters... darn, how did that other number go again? Sit tight crypt, I'm gonna go and search for my music sheets." Cryptomancer nodded his crow head calmy as musicevangelist departed, then decided that he'd prefer to wait for the musician in human form. The raven mage's beak dropped open, however, as he found that the magic aura that enabled him to shift forms previously had vanished. "Caw?" muttered cryptomancer the raven, turning his head around in confusion and flapping his wings. "Caw. Caw! CAW!" With that, cryptomancer jumped off of the windowsill in the hopes of returning to human form upon reaching the ground, only to land on his head with a thump. He let out a long "cawwwwww" as he layed there for a long moment, then shifted to an upright position as he heard someone enter into the room. Hopeful that musicevangelist had returned and might be able to help him, he lifted himself onto his talons only to be scooped up by a firm feminine hand. "Awww, does little birdy not have a home" cooed Katzaniel sweetly in her human form, stroking the ravens head gently with her other hand. She then lifted up a bird cage containing lettuce, tomato, onion, relish, and five different kinds of spices. Cryptomancer the raven froze as he stared at the cage, then cried out: "CaaaawwwwwAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Venefyxatu lets out a dismal sigh and stretches out his arms and legs, stiffening up a bit due to the lengthy amount of time he had spent in a sleeping position, despite his potentially undead state. Tanuchan paces back and forth next to the applicant's chair, pulling at her hair a bit and grumbling to herself. "I'm really sorry about this long wait, Venefyxatu." says Tanuchan after a moment, turning to the applicant and frowning. "The overgrown lizard gets involved in a lot of plots and schemes, which usually detain him... but this is ridiculous." Black nods silently from his position next to the Recruiters Desk, drawing blood from one of his fingers out of nervous habit. "Yeah, I wonder where the lizard is. 4000 years old, and I feel like I've aged over the course of this wait..." The three of them nod sadly in unison, only to perk their heads up as they hear a crashing sound coming from the hallway outside. Venefyxatu raises a brow as Tanuchan ducks and Black quickly transforms himself into mist, watching as Wyvern comes barging in through the main entrance of the Office. The lizard is followed by a teeming crowd of Elder Dwarf news reporters, who shove microphones into the Elders face and take pictures of the entire Office. "Mr. Wyvern" exclaims Shiny Iwannapearl of the Elder Dwarf reporter squad, brushing back her green hair for the cameras. "Is it true that your campaign for wolves discriminates against zombies?" "Errr..." hisses Wyvern, adjusting the collar of his grey politican suit and grimacing. "Well, no, that is to say, wolves have always eaten carcasses, I mean..." A loud murmer arises from the reporter crowd, and they begin jotting down notes and taking pictures of the lizard. "Mr. Wyvern" shouts Sexy Andyouknowit of the reporter squad, looking into a mirror to make sure that his makeup has been done right. "As 'The Other Candidate,' are there any mesages that you'd like to make public to Vahktang at this time?" "No, there aren't" says Wyvern, grinning and posing. "Because I know that if I did air a message, he'd probably be too busy watching television or exploring haunted houses to respond to it! Vote Almost Dragonic!" The murmer becomes louder as several Elder Dwarf reporters chat amongst themselves, and numerous pictures are taken until Venefyxatu stands up and notes: "But... if the Candidate explores haunted houses, then he must be concerned with the undead right?" Wyvern pales as several news reporters begin swarming towards Venefyxatu and flooding him with questions, taking several pictures of him for the cover of magazines and quoting him for "The Candidate"s campaign. The overgrown lizard stares in horror for a moment, then quickly rushes to his desk, passing through Black's mist and picking up a large bag resting there. He then stomps his foot twice on the ground to get the attention of the reporters and Venefyxatu, and holds up the bag for all to see. "Read my lips!" exclaims Wyvern triumphantly. "No new zombie limb taxes!" With that, the reptilian Elder proceeds to empty the large bag of mannequin arms and legs onto the floor, coincidentally burying the spot where Tanuchan happens to be ducking in the process. The crowd of reporters goes wild as they rush to the scene, and Wyvern flexes his muscles and strikes two thumbs up poses for the cameras. As the reporters crowd around the large pile of mannequin arms and legs to take pictures, Wyvern approaches Venefyxatu and whispers to him. "Psssst, hey there Venefyxatu. Listen, strike a few pictures with me and tell those paparazzi over there that you're undead and are for my campaign, and your application will be more than accepted." Venefyxatu considers this proposal for a moment, then silently grins and nods to the lizard. Wyvern snickers gleefully, then slaps a "Vote Almost Dragonic" pin onto the applicant's coat and stamps his application ACCEPTED. ;-) OOC: An ACCEPTED application, Venefyxatu, welcome to the Mighty Pen! I apologize for the long wait you had to endure for this response... I've been very busy with work lately, and wanted to make sure that I wrote a response worthy of your story. I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing as well as participating with you in community projects, and hope you enjoy yourself here at the Pen. Once again, welcome!

Pillow sighs and lays back on himself as he swerves in his applicant easychair, his dreams of invading new territories ruined as dark clouds of doubt reign upon him in the lizards absence. He glances at the quill that had been offered for writing his application and rolls his eyes, patting his laptop confidently and glancing towards the position of his application on the Recruiters desktop. The applicant frowns upon noticing that a thick layer of dust now covers his paperwork, and lifts himself from his seat in the hopes of cleaning off the application piece. He doesn't get far, however, as the front doors of the Office suddenly burst open and Wyvern rushes in, dressed in a fine grey suit and tossing Almost Dragonic Brand Propaganda Pamphlets™ into the air. Arriving at Pillow, Wyvern quickly shakes his hand, sticks a "Vote for Almost a Dragon" pin into his fabric, and snatches his application up off of the desktop. The overgrown lizard then parades the application piece in front of a large crowd of Elder Dwarf paparazzi, who swarm into the Office and begin taking several pictures "As you can ssssee" hisses Wyvern confidently. "I, 'The Other Candidate,' am continuing my campaign by responding to this application piece from our dear friend, Pilocanci the- errrrr... the Evangelically Holy!" "What?" mutters Pillow, raising a brow. "But my name is-" "Ssssssshhhhhh!" hisses Wyvern, slapping a claw over the applicants mouth and letting out a nervous laugh. Quickly reading over the application, the lizard grins and tosses it to the side, then places one arm around Pillow and raises the other in the air. "Friends, this is a time of new leadership... a time when the leaders of the Pen will unite with the former presidente of New Fleasian to rid the Pen canines of any annoying pests. May I remind you that my opposition, 'The Candidate,' has no policy in mind for helping wolves throughout the Pen. Thank you, thank you all!" With that, the paparazzi pack up their cameras and depart from the Office, causing Wyvern to immediately let go of the dumbfounded Pillow. Looking left and right, the applicant stammers: "What was that?! Why did you call me-" "Not a bad application, Mr. Pilocanci." interrupts Wyvern, sorting through a few pieces of paperwork on his desktop. "Though I would have loved to have learned more about the people of New Fleasian... they're like ghosts caught in the dawn of a new dictatorship." "Oh." mutters Pillow. "Well, you see, they-" "I do really like how the piece reflects current events, though." hisses Wyvern, grinning. "Virtual dictators, Canidain Wars, Weapons of Mass Disfunction, the U.N.C..." Pillow smiles victoriously. "... it all reflects that recent commercial I made for Almost Dragonic Brand Cheap Substitute Pen War Games™! Set ups for Canidain Wolf War, Tamaramission Blood War, and Ganaffian Repeated Siege War included! Also comes with the Ultimate Newbie Conversion guide, along with plenty of Weapons of Mass Disfunction. Order it today!" Pillow frowns and stares blankly, raising a hand to speak only to watch as Wyvern quickly stamps his application ACCEPTED and soars out of the room, hurrying back to his electoral campaign. ;-) OOC: An ACCEPTED application, Pillow, welcome to the Mighty Pen! I look forward to reading more of your works, and hope you enjoy your stay here. ;-) Once again, welcome!

MeThinksHard smiles and nods to those who have arrived in the Cabaret Room to greet him, raising a brow curiously at cryptomancers bird history and Gyrfalcons fruit comment. He takes a step forward to speak, only to be interrupted as Wyvern suddenly barges into the Cabaret Room and practically crashes into him. Clutching methinkshard's hand with a claw and flashing him a grin of razor-sharp teeth, the overgrown lizard shoves several contracts into the thinkers pocket before hissing: "Greetingssss methinkshard. Allow me to introduce myself: I'm Wyvern, also known as the answer to all of your financial difficulties! In the blink of an eye within your pockets are contracts capable of making you millions in geld for only a small geld donation. Don't worry, they've already been signed for you. Remember, if you ever have any concerns about your geld, or simply want to get rid of it, visit the Recruiters Office of the Pen and pile the money neatly onto my disorganized desktop. You might also want to apply for a Pen membership while you're over there, if interested. It's only twenty geld, after all. Anyway, gotta run, but remember: for reliable geld endeavors, count on Wyvern!" Methinkshards jaw drops open as Wyvern dashes off, and he raises a hand to speak only to have a large pencil shoved into it while several Elder Dwarf paparazzi take his picture with blinding flash cameras. After the photographers have left and methinkshard has recovered from the daze of the rapid events, he looks at a business card that Wyvern had dropped next to his feet, which reads: Almost Dragonic Brand Sympathy™ - only thirty geld! Works in even the most dismal scenarios. ;-)

Wyvern desperatly tries to make his way towards the gift-distribution area of Ayshela's party as an ocean of japanese business men swarms around him, speaking to him in rapid japanese slang as Courteousy the Elder Dwarf nervously trails alongside him to translate. The overgrown lizard clenches his teeth and dodges in all directions, wiping some sweat from his scaly forehead as Courteousy exclaims: "That man just said 'You still owe me for that kawai doll scam a few years back.' Hmmm. 'You dirty lizard, that Almost Dragonic Brand Raw Fish™ you sold me for sushi was tainted.' Erk, 'You still owe me that video game contract for Gyrfalcon the Video Game, based on Gyrfalcon the Movie.' Wyvern, are you sure this is safe? 'Come here you reptilian cheat, I'll wring your neck with this Almost Dragonic Brand Scarf.'" "O-of course it's safe, Courteousy." stammers Wyvern, ducking as a Dance-Dance Revolution Arcade Machine is tossed at him and narrowly misses his head. "Besides, it's important that we visit here to wish Ayshela a happy birthday. The gift area's nearby, not much farther to go." The reptilian Elder and the Dwarf continue to run until they've reached Ayshela's birthday area, and the japanese business men come to a halt when they see a birthday celebrations under way. Wyvern steps up to Ayshela, swiftly bows, and hisses: "Happy birthday, Ayshela! If you need a return trip back to the Pen from Japan, I got you covered as a gift. Just search for Almost Dragonic Brand Makeshift Wooden Rafting Services™ at your nearest harbor. I wish I could stay, but unfortunately I've got to run. Have a great one!" With that, the overgrown lizard gives Ayshela a quick hug, then dashes off as the mob of japanese business men becomes restless and begins advancing on him again. Courteousy the Elder Dwarf bows to Ayshela and wishes her a happy birthday, and then follows Wyverns frantic escape route. OOC: Happy birthday, Ayshela.

Silly the Elder Dwarf sulks as Sparhawk ignores his request, and decides to balance himself on an upright blank sign while waiting for Wyvern to return from his scheming. The applicant and the orangutan endure another lengthy waiting period before the lizard arrives back at the Office, and he bows apologetically to Sparhawk as he hisses: "Sssssorry for another lengthy wait, Sparhawk. I've been trying toget rid of all these spare Almost Dragonic Brand Mannequin Arms and Legs that I have in overstock, and have recently been trying to market them as ingredients for cannibal stew. Unfortunately, the Special Chef Operations Outfit found out about it rather quickly, and I'm kinda on the run." Having said this, Wyvern quickly casts a glance towards the hallway outside the Office, and breaths a sigh of relief as he gently nudges the door closed with his tail. The reptilian Elder then snatches Sparhawks new application piece from his cluttered desktop, and reads over the poem a few times. Scratching his scaly chin and smiling to himself, the overgrown lizard places the application back into its original position, and begins searching through his desk for a stamp as he hisses: "An interesting incorporation of Shakespearian phrasing and dark elf references, Sparhawk. Of course, a name can contain fame, particularly if you use Almost Dragonic Brand Unofficial Name Changes™... Almost Dragonic Brand Unofficial Name Changes™, putting the 'ID' in 'identity crisis!' Sparhawk raises a brow upon hearing this advertisement, and crosses his fingers as Wyvern pulls a stamp out of his desk. The lizard turns to Sparhawk and smiles, then raises the stamp and says: "This application is-" "Ook ook, AAHHH!" Wyvern stumbles as Silly the Elder Dwarf suddenly jumps from his position on top of a blank sign and grabs the stamp from Wyverns claws, bouncing off of the lizards head and propelling himself up to an air duct located near the ceiling. The orangutan sticks his tongue out at Sparhawk and Wyvern, then quickly jots something down on a sign as he hangs from the ceiling by his tail. Dropping the sign into the room, the Elder Dwarf then darts into the air duct with the stamp. Sparhawk and Wyvern glance down at the sign simultaneously, their faces contorted into expressions of disbelief. I won't give this stamp back until Sparhawk finds me and brings me a banana! Nyyya nyya! Wyverns jaw drops upon reading this. After a moment of contemplation, he turns to Sparhawk and says: "Sssssorry about this Sparhawk, Silly has never really acted this way before. Unfortunatly, I can't accept your application without that stamp that he stole... I don't suppose you'd be willing to search for him to get it back?"

YanYan - thanks very much for showing so much interest. Unfortunatly, "Any Given Moment" is only aired on Fridays from 10 PM - 12 AM, so your Wednsday solution won't work. Hopefully more shows will be recorded in MP3 format, so you can listen to them then if you're unavailable on Fridays. The "Vocal Experimentation" episode of "Any Given Moment" that occured last week went very well, particularly in a segment I did on hyper-speed rapping around the middle of the show. The Pen was given props as usual. Just to give people a reminder: "Any Given Moment" - "Positive Balance," my show based on super upbeat happy hip hop, will air tonight (11/5/04) at 10 PM - 12 AM US EST. This is sure to be one of my best shows ever and it'll put you in a very good mood, so be sure to tune in if you can! Oh, and did I mention that a few Pen members will probably be calling in to participate in the fun? jjjyyyeah boyeee!

After a long moment of silence, the thread cues back up again to reveal the Gypped Keeper sitting in his rickety chair, looking over the tome he had opened earlier as an evil organ melody plays in the background. The reptilian Elder rubs his scaly palms together as he arrives at a specific passage in the text, letting out an evil gale of laughter that causes the zombie puppets on his head to jingle in a cute and unintimidating manner. After clearing his throat of a few ashes and removing a stray spider leg from his lap, the lizard hisses: "Thank you all for tuning into Tales from the Cryptomancer this evening... this first story will chill your blood and send shivers down your spine (these shivers can be corrected with Almost Dragonic Brand Instamassagers™, on sale now!) I call this little dittie:" CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE? --- The pendant shined as it shifted positions on cryptomancers neck, his brisk stride causing it to swing back and forth as he rushed towards the Cabaret Room of the Pen. The raven mage grumbled curses under his breath as he casted a glance towards a clock on the wall of the hallway, reading the time of half past eight and shaking his head in utter disbelief. He frantically swung the doors of the Cabaret Room open upon arriving, and immediately scrambled towards a coffee table where Mynx was sitting alone. Bowing apologetically upon arriving at the table, cryptomancer collapsed into the empty seat across from Mynx, and a long silence ensued. Cryptomancer then shifted in his seat uneasily before turning to Mynx and exclaiming: "Mynx, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" "Two hours late?" interrupted Mynx, glaring at him and taking a brief sip of her cold coffee. "I never thought you'd be so late to one of our meetings, crypt. And two hours-" "Wait!" exlcaimed cryptomancer. "I can explain... I overslept, really I did. It might have been because I jazzercised in my Ego form yesterday, which drained more energy than usual. Please, forgive me." Another moment of silence passed, then Mynx let out a long sigh and set her cup of coffee on the table. "Remember our first Cabaret coffee meeting, crypt?" said Mynx, raising herself from her seat and brushing a paw over her head of fur. "We chatted for hours on end about our struggles with writing and occupations. What happened? Do you realize that I missed out on a perfect opportunity to go out with Gryphon to the latest Pen play in waiting for you here?" "Mynx..." started cryptomancer. "Don't 'Mynx' me, you shadow!" cried Mynx, glaring at cryptomancer angrily. "Two hours late? I trusted you! Goodbye, crypt." With that, Mynx slammed her chair back into its position and strided off, leaving cryptomancer in a stupified and heartbroken state. He immediately considered racing after her to apologize, but couldn't think of any words to say. Sighing to himself, the raven mage sat at the table for several hours alone, drinking the cold coffee that Mynx had bought for him earlier and silently contemplating a course of action. He then decided to head back to his room, and upon arriving there he remembered the artifact hanging around his neck. The Pendant of Canla the Silver Tongued rested on his chest quietly, faintly glimmering in its magnificence. Cryptomancer considered heading back to Mynx and using the pendant to apologize with fluidity, but once again hesitated. While the artifact did give him the gift of speech when speaking honestly, and his apologies to Mynx would be very sincere, he didn't want to take any chances in begging her for forgiveness. He wanted the apology to be perfect, flawless, even greater than what was needed for the situation. And he would have his way. Cracking his knuckles confidently, cryptomancer entered his room and locked himself into it, immediately getting to work on his project. He remained secluded there for several weeks and worked obsessively like a mad magician, not eating or sleeping, experimenting on the pendant with all three circles of cryptomancy: matter, life, and magic. He was confidant, for in his future-predicting meditations he found that the pendant would bring him affection once it was transformed. He eventually formed the pendant into an artifact that gave him perfect flattering speech, regardless of who he was speaking to and what the situation is. When he finally exited his room with the new artifact, not only did he look as if he had just been on an Almost Dragonic Brand Seven Weeks With No Food Diet™, but the pendant had also changed shapes into that of a heart with one of Cupid's arrows protruding from it. Smiling to himself confidantly despite his skinny and rugged appearence, cryptomancer made sure that the pendant was fastened safely around his neck before heading off in the direction of Mynx's quarters. He whistled to himself happily as he thought of his masterplan finally coming into fruition, until an unexpected turn of events swiftly changed his tone. "Mr. cryptomancer." called a familiar voice from behind him as he walked. "How are you doing today?" Cryptomancer came to a halt and turned around, only to be met by the obese form of Melba the Almost Secretary of Initiates. The raven mage paused for a moment, then answered: "I am doing very well today, dear Melba. Very well indeed. And I must say, by your particularly lovely appearence, I can only conclude that you are having a marvelous day as well." Cryptomancer swiftly threw his hands over his mouth in horror, his eyes widening as Melba blushed and began to approach him. "Do I really look lovely?" muttered Melba, grinning and flexing one of her muscles. "Well thank you, Mr. cryptomancer, I'm flattered." Cryptomancer began backing away, and reached for the pendant with one of his hands in the hopes of tearing it off only to uncover his mouth, causing him to exclaim: "I really do mean it too, my dear. You have such an exquisite elegence about you, and your cooking is fantastic. I honestly question myself at times as to whether I do, in fact, adore you." "Why thank you." said Melba, grinning as she continued to approach cryptomancer, backing him into a corner. "I gotta say, you're not such a bad pipsqueak yourself. A little skinny, but nothing a few generous helpings of Mama Melba's Everything Goes Borsch won't cure. Good thing I kept some of those cockroch entrails for seasoning. Come here, lover boy." Cryptomancer desperatly tried to escape, but quickly found himself caught in a monstrous hug, which slowly began suffocating him to death. fin~

Lightning flashes across a darkened sky, sinisterly illuminating the morbid interior of a cobweb-infested crypt-castle. The sound of an evil church organ cues up in the background and begins echoing throughout the castle, causing a flock of bats to screech and fly off in all directions from their hiding places. The bats soar throughout the chamber until they run into a series of extremely large cobwebs, which they become entangled in as several large spiders crawl down to devour them. Maniacal laughter echoes throughout the crypt to the beat of the organs melodies as Wyvern rocks back and forth in a rickety wooden chair, dressed in the rags of ghoul and wearing a zombie puppet on each of his horns. The reptilian Elders insane laughter is interrupted as he's overcome by a fit of coughing, which causes the "phantom of the opera" version of Greedy the Elder Dwarf to lose track of the organ melody he's playing. Wyvern cringes as a cacophonous blare of discordant keys fills the room, and slaps his scaly forehead as the intense sound causes the reserve mummy in coffin #4 to faint. The overgrown lizard turns to help the mummy, only to accidentally trigger the scream sound effect on his chair with his tail. He immediately jumps and trembles as a screech fills the room, then rolls his eye and grumbles as he realizes what he's done. "Greetingssss" hisses Wyvern sinisterly while seating himself back in his chair. "I will be your host over the course of this ghoulish writing exchange exercise. My name is Wyvern, though many here know me as.... the Gypped Keeper!" With this, Wyvern lets out another gale of maniacal laughter, causing the zombie puppets on his head to jingle in a cute and unintimidating manner. "Indeeeeed, this project will consist of tales of twisted horror, morbid stories of unnatural terror, and, uhhhh... general spookiness." Wyvern pauses in his introduction as a scream echoes from an area near the ceiling of the room. The reptilian Gypped Keeper turns his head towards the source of the sound, only to cringe as he notices the upper torso of a vampire extending out of a gigantic spiders mouth. "Vvvvhaaaaaaat is dees?!" cries the vampire as he observes his current position. "Ah! Ah! Ow! In motherland Transylvania, vampires like myself havvve legal protection vhen in zee bat form. I vill sue." Wyvern pales upon hearing this and begins trembling in fear, causing the zombie puppets on his head to jingle in a cute and unintimidating manner. After letting out a nervous laugh and clearing his throat of a few ashes, the lizard continues: "Yessss, it's true that this project is a bit late for Halloween, but with the Gypped Keeper and Almost Dragonic Brand Overpriced Candy™, you can celebrate Halloween every day of the year!" With that, the overgrown lizard strikes a thumbs up and proceeds to dig out a large, dusty tomb from under his seat. He places the book on a horizontal coffin that's facing him, opening it to around the middle page and skimming it with a scaly finger. Coming across a specific passage, the reptilian Elder breaks into a sinister grin and hisses: "Oooohhh, the Gypped Keeper has some real creepy-crawler stories for you this evening. So hang onto your hats, let go of your money pouches, and listen to these three tales of horror involving the Pen member cryptomancer. The first one goes a little something li-" Wyverns intro is cut short once again as several large spiders begin falling from the ceiling, dead from bat-indegestion. One spider hits Wyvern flat in the head, knocking him unconscious, while three spiders hit the cardboard crypt-castle walls, knocking them over and destroying the set piece. The thread goes blank for a moment as its words are replaced with the phrase: "Technical Difficulties" OOC: Stay tuned. ;-)

Sparhawk slowly shifts in his applicant easychair and skims over his play manuscript once again, reading a few of its lines out loud and letting out a long sigh at his lack of company in the Office. Glancing towards a grandfather clock at the corner of the room and noticing that many hours have passed since he first entered, the eager applicant grumbles a few aggravated curses and slumps back in his chair, wondering what could be taking the infamous Elder so long to arrive. His questions are promptly answered, however, as the front door of the Office abruptly bursts open and Wyvern dashes in, carrying a bag filled with leftover mannequin arms and legs. "Greetings Ssssparhawk." hisses Wyvern apologetically, dropping his bag on the floor and rudely snatching the play manuscript from out of Sparhawks hands. "I'll read over this immediately and get to responding, hope the wait wasn't too hard on you." Sparhawk nervously nods as he watches Wyvern bury his face in the manuscrift, raising a brow as the lizard covers his entire scaly visage with it and reads through it with almost dragonic intensity. Once the reptilian Elder has finished reading, he drops the play from his face only to reveal that tears are streaming down his cheeks, which he seems to be cleaning off with a tissue of sorts. "Well Sparhawk" starts the lizard after a moment of recovery. "That application play certainly seems to be acce-" Wyverns verdict is interrupted as the front door of the Office bursts open once again, to reveal Silly the Pen Elder Dwarf/Orangutan. The mini-Elder holds up a sign that reads "WAIT!," then drops it and quickly runs up to Sparhawk and Wyvern. He then quickly scribbles a paragraph on another blank sign, and holds it up for all to see: As much as I appreciate the monkey references throughout this application, it was not written with the specific intention of applying to the Pen, as it was previously available at a distant land known as the World of the Two Skies. There, I've done my duty, can I have a banana now? Wyvern frowns as he reads over the sign, then regretfully hands the "Hawkwing" play back to Sparhawk and hisses: "Unfortunatly, I can't accept your application until you write an original work specifically for the Pen. This can be a poem, a story, a play, or any piece of writing that has not been posted previously or taken from any other boards. I look forward to reading a new application from you, and will be out scheming till it's ready. Ciao!" With that, the overgrown lizard rapidly departs from the Office, leaving the disgruntled Sparhawk alone with Silly the Elder Dwarf. The orangutan stares at the applicant for a moment, then whimpers and holds up a sign that reads: Spare a banana?

Thank you, Mira and YanYanGanaffi, for tuning into the last show and providing some comments on it. It's much appreciated, and you two will be getting some shout outs on my next show. Thanks also goes out to Tamaranis, Stick, Katzaniel, and anyone else who tried to tune in but had scheduling conflicts. It seems that in light of my tightly knit schedule, I forgot to note some descriptions of my last two shows, so here are some very brief run downs of them: "Any Given Moment" - "Wild Card," which aired 10/15/04, went surprisingly well. I made a list of potential CDs that I'd never heard before that looked interesting beforehand, and it turned out that many of them were very good. The first hour and fourty minutes of the show was all quality, though in the last twenty minutes I began playing some random things that ended up being trash. I even decided to host two random minisets on this show, one which was based on music that I hadn't heard before from the Oldominion collective out of Seattle, and one that was based on Christian hip hop that I hadn't heard before (and which surprised me by how good some of it was!). The Pen got dedications as usual, as the entire Christian hip hop set was dedicated to Peredhil, and many other people were shouted out for listening in. "Any Given Moment" - "Evil Literate," which aired last week, also went well. I played a set of sinister Halloween-influenced hip hop, which included a large set on songs based around monsters. Tamaranis, Vlad, Black, Canid, and the Dreamer were shouted out amongst others, and got dedications. Thanks to everyone who tuned in. This evening (10/29/04), I'll be doing a set of "Any Given Moment" entitled "Vocal Experimentation," which will revolve around some of the truly innovative moments of experimenting with vocal deliveries in hip hop. Expect a wide range of styles, from speedy thousand-syllable per second rapping to types of vocals that tread the fine line between rapping and singing. It should be a very interesting show, so be sure to tune in if you can! One final point: my show after the one this evening, which will be airing on Friday, November 5th, is going to be a show based around positive, upbeat, happy hip hop where everyone has fun. I've actually been forming the blueprints for this show since last semester, and it will definitely be one of my best mixes of music to date. Due to the vibrant, upbeat energy on the show, I'd like to look into getting a couple of people from the Pen to call in and give shout outs and praises to other pen members. I'm aiming for three callers, so if anyone might be interested in doing this on November 5th, please PM me and give me a heads up saying that you'd like to. I'll be very appreciative of anyone who's willing to participate in this, and might even throw in a mix CD or two as a reward for doing it... ;-) Holla!

A not-so-mysterious figure slowly makes his way into the Cabaret Room, wearing googly eyeglasses along with a waxed moustache that stretches twice the size of his face. The "mysterious" figure adjusts the brown cloak he wears as he approaches Auroras area, nodding to Lord Panther and Yui as he passes them and not noticing his scaly red tails position as it juts out of the back of his outfit... Arriving next to Aurora, the nameless figure adjusts the position of the enormous waxed moustache on his scaly face, and gently nudges her with an elbow as he hisses: "Pssssssst... hi Aurora, welcome to the Mighty Pen. As Yui-chan wisely pointed out, it's very important that you avoid that Wyvern guy and his wiley ways. That's why I, an Anonymous Product Seller with a large Moustache, have devised a sure-fire security system that will keep you safe from the dastardly lizard" Aurora frowns and raises her brows as the "Anonymous Product Seller" reaches into his waxed moustache and pulls out a small metallic device and a long sheet of paper. Holding the two objects up, the seller hisses: "It really is a simple system, you just attach this little tracking bug to your hair, your shoulder, or any other spots betwee- errr, 'on' which you can easily conceal it. The bug will allow Wy- that is, it will allow you to know where Wyvern is at any given moment!" Aurora anxiously takes two steps back as the Seller with the Moustache holds up his sheet of paper and points at it with what appears to be a claw. "Just sign your name, along with your geld hoard address, credit card number, marital status, and approximate shower times/locations on these twenty dotted lines..." At this point, Aurora has carefully moved behind Yui to avoid the Anonymous Product Sellers offers, hesitantly eyeing him from a distance. Grumbling to himself, the "Anonymous Product Seller" ditches his fake moustache and scurries out of the Cabaret Room in disappointment, content with the idea of plotting for his next elaborate scheme... ;-)

Aurora sighs to herself softly as she watches Guido sneak back out of the Office, casting a final glance at the fake gold coins that rest on Wyverns desk and refocussing her attention on the Office window. The manner that the sunlight reflects off of the window sill slowly sends her back into a dream state, and she drifts along in her stream of thoughts until a scaly, crimson head of horns abruptly switches her dream into a nightmare. "Oh!" cries Aurora, jumping back and accidentally knocking over a pile of papers, which collides into another pile of papers and results in a domino effect of paper piles, scattering them throughout the Office. "W-w-who?" "Shhhhhhh..." hisses Wyvern from his position at the window sill, placing a scaly claw to his mouth to signify silence and winking. Quickly opening the window and stepping into the Office, the overgrown lizard quietly shuts it and raises a hand towards Aurora in greeting. "Sssorry about that" the lizard says, noticing that he's shocked her a bit. "Hi, I'm Wyvern, nice to meet you. Now, we better go hide before we get kil-" "Y-you're Wyvern?" interrupts Aurora, raising a brow and calming down a bit. She glances behind herself for a moment only to notice that the paperwork in the Office has become disorganized, and apologetically exclaims: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" "Shhh shhh." interrupts Wyvern, raising his hands to try to keep her quiet. "Don't worry, it's fine, the Office always gets disorganized like this, plus it's Melba's job to clean up and she deserves to suffer as much as possible. Listen, we've really got to-" Wyvern is interrupted once again by a loud knocking on the Office door, and suddenly goes pale and trembles. Aurora frowns upon seeing this, and mutters: "Wyvern, what's wro-" "Open this door immediatly!" cries a low voice from outside as the knocking sound grows louder and more aggressive. "Or we'll force our way in!" "The Special Chef Operations Outfit." stammers Wyvern fearfully, quickly moving behind Aurora and examining her tasteful silver dress. "Too many cooking offenses, not enough time to explain. Listen, can I hide behind you for the moment? Just tell'em I ain't here." "Errr, O-O.K." mutters Aurora uncertainly, standing motionless as Wyvern positions himself behind her. She uneasily glances towards the door as the sounds of a lock being picked echoes throughout the Office, and she promptly plants a foot in Wyverns face as she feels a uncomfortable motion behind her. "Ow-w-w" hisses Wyvern quietly as the shoe is removed from his face. "Wh-what was that for?" "Behind the dress is fine, underneath the dress is another story." growls Aurora back. "Quick, go still, the lock-picking sounds have stopped." Wyvern obeys Auroras commands and sits silently behind her as the knob of the Office door begins to turn, and Aurora watches in fascination as three menacing oddities open the door and enter into the room. The first is a large man in a butcher outfit with a head shaped like a soup bowl, the second is a woman in a cooking apron that has razor-sharp sporks for fingers, and the third is a skinny man dressed entirely in sauerkraut, which stinks. "Clam Chowder Head of the Special Chef Operations Outfit." declares the man with the bowl head in his low voice. "Present!" "Metal Lady Fingers of the Special Chef Operations Outfit." exclaims the woman with the spork fingers in an extravagant manner. "Present!" "Errrr..." starts the man dressed in the sauerkraut. "Tom. I came here to see Wyvern about an Almost Dragonic Brand Delicatessan investment I made earlier..." Clam Chowder Head and Metal Lady Fingers both turn towards Tom for a moment, having not noticed him earlier, and quickly shove him out of the Office before turning their focus back to the mission at hand. Clam Chowder Head stands in silence for a moment and observes the room, then exclaims: "Wyvern, hiding behind that innocent maiden will do you no good. The shape of my head gives me peripheral vision, allowing me to see you!" "Ohhhhh" exclaims Metal Lady Fingers mischievously, running her sporks along a few loose papers lying on the ground. "So he's behind her, is he? Can I claw him, can I claw him?" "W-w-wait" stammers Wyvern, lifting himself from his position and stepping out from behind Aurora. "Look, I know I never showed up for Federal Fudge Court, and I know you're still peeved at me for that chicken fricasee incident, but can't we let bygones be bygones?" "Absolutely not." mutters Clam Chowder Head, glaring at Wyvern angrily. "You've committed too many cooking offenses. The sentence is death, followed by a thorough deep frying and a serving with coleslaw and mashed potatoes at 'LooLoos Crispy Critter Den'" "L-look" says Wyvern, slowly backing away and suddenly noticing the gold coins laying on his desktop. "I know you're angry about all the debts and stuff, but that can be amended. I can offer you this gold, see?" "We're not interested in gold." giggles Metal Lady Fingers as she slowly advances towards Wyvern. "You know, I think I'm going to enjoy scraping your scales out, one at a minute..." "W-w-wait!" cries Wyvern as he finds himself caught in a corner. "Y-you can't do that, I-I mean-" "Wait" says Clam Chowder Head adamantly, causing Metal Lady Fingers to come to a halt. The bowl-headed operative approaches the gold coins that Wyvern had offered on the table, and sniffs at them curiously. Picking one up, he proceeds to unwrap it. "These aren't just any gold coins... they're chocolate gold coins." Metal Lady Fingers perks her head up, and abandones Wyvern in his corner as she goes to check out the gold coins as well. Stuffing one in her mouth and eating it along with the gold foil wrapping, she exclaims: "Really excellent chocolate, too." Clam Chowder Head nods to this statement, then picks up the bag of gold coins and turns to Wyvern. "The Special Chef Operations Outfit has decided that this package of high-quality chocolate coins will act sufficient payment for now. We apologize for any inconveniences we might have caused in our stay, and look forward to the next time we meet with you. Have a nice day." With that, Clam Chowder Head and Metal Lady Fingers exit, and Aurora watches them in curious fascination as they pass down the hall and out of sight. She then turns to Wyvern, and has just enough to time to see him stamp her application ACCEPTED before he faints and collapses in a heap of scales. ;-) OOC: An enjoyable and ACCEPTED application, Aurora, welcome to the Mighty Pen! I'm glad you found your way to these boards, and look forward to reading more of your stuff, as well as participating with you in various roleplaying activities. For the record: I had loads of fun responding to this... Welcome once again!

Black raps his fingers along the armrest of his applicant easychair, sighing to himself glumly as he patiently awaits the arrival of the Elder of Initiates. The nocturnal applicant breaks into a grin as Katzaniel enters into the office and compliments his poem, and watches as she seats herself in a nearby chair in the hopes of keeping him company. The two of them don't find very much time to chat, however, as the entrance of the Office promptly bursts open and a familiar-looking lizard dashes in. Wyvern enters into the Office in large strides, and takes a moment to drop an enormous black bag that he's carrying onto the floor before waving to Black and Katzaniel. Flashing an awkward grin towards the old vampiric aquaintance, the overgrown lizard twiddles his claws nervously and hisses: "Hi Black, sorry for arriving a little late... hope that blood beverage I concocted for you lasted over the course of your wait. Ah well, I guess it's not like you actually age or anything right?" "Well..." mutters Black, raising a brow as Wyvern quickly snatches his application poem and begins reading it over. "That's true, but it doesn't make the time pass any qui-" "A soldier poem, eh?!" exclaims Wyvern, cutting off Black's complaint in mid-sentence. "I definitely sympathize with the 'plundering' bit. It'sss rather interesting that you should write a poem on this subject, actually, as I've been advertising Almost Dragonic Brand Stealth Technology™ to a number of recent applicants." Black notices Katzaniel raising a hand to her temple and shaking her head upon hearing this statement, and frowns as he slowly says: "Oh yeah? How did that go?" "Not ssso well I'm afraid" hisses Wyvern in a dejected manner, frowning and pointing towards the large black bag that rests on the ground. "The Almost Dragonic Brand Stealth Technologies™ that didn't malfunction and collapse before their first usage are in there, along with several leftover mannequin arms and legs that previously belonged to a mime troop. I figure that if I combine the two of them, I can create some pretty interesting Almost Dragonic Brand Floating Poltergeist Limb Halloween Costumes™ in time for the holidays. Sssay, speaking of Almost Dragonic Brand Costumes, I want to see what you think of one of them." "Errr, O.K" says Black as Wyvern quickly moves towards his black bag and begins sorting through its contents. "It's a vampire outfit, so I want to make sure that it looks realistic to you." hisses the lizard as he takes a pair of fake glasses, a business suit, a briefcase, a mantrap, and a name card out of his bag. The lizard than quickly tosses the various items on and scrawls the phrase "Hi, I'm Wyvern the Lawyer" onto the nametag, sticking it to the front of his suit and muttering: "There, how do I look?" Black raises a brow as he carefully examines Wyverns outfit, then slowly nods his head in approval as the lizard stamps his application ACCEPTED. "I've got to admit Wyv, you've certainly got the bloodsucker look down." ;-) OOC: An ACCEPTED application poem, Black, welcome to the Mighty Pen! It's nice to see you again, and I look forward to reading more of your stuff as well as participating with you in various roleplaying threads. Hope you enjoy it at the Pen.