Wyvern

Nice poem, Jomeansme. :-) The personal anecdote of the girl's fall from grace was well done, and I found the final stanza of the poem particularly interesting. Touching upon the way the girl's own poetry has changed in a poem about her was a great idea that captured my attention, and the final two lines of the stanza rang true in their sad mercilessness. To be honest, my least favorite part of the poem was actually the references to Greek mythology, as somehow the name-dropping of Daedelus and Icarus didn't really feel as genuine to me as some of the other elements of the poem. I generally love the imagery tied to the metaphor, such as "her wings made of words" and "flesh of my flesh spirals out of control," but I wonder if these images could speak for themselves without spelling the actual references to Daedelus and Icarus out to the reader? Also, on more of a nitpicking note, I had a hard time envisioning the "melted" broken wings of words, as it's hard to tie melting to words in my mind. "Scattered" or "disarrayed" maybe? Anyway, very good poem Jomeansme. Welcome to the Mighty Pen. :-) Here's hoping there's plenty more to read from you in the future.

I went and saw Busdriver, Themselves, and Nocando at the Bottom of the Hill in San Francisco a few nights ago. I was excited for this show since Busdriver and Themselves pretty much epitomize the progressive and insanely talented cutting edge of rap music, both amazing live acts in their own right let alone together co-headlining the same venue. Throw in the added bonus of seeing some of LA's latest talent from Project Blowed with Nocando, and you have quite an impressive line-up at the best venue in the Bay for a mere 12 dollars. Needless to say, this show didn't disappoint. Nocando kicked things off as the opener, with DJ Ambush of the Oakland Faders backing him up on the selections and the cuts. I was familiar with some of Nocando's work, as he's created a nice buzz for himself through the MC battling circuit and through countless guest appearances on more prolific Project Blowedian's albums. Never the less, this was the first time I've seen a set from him live, and he seems like a pretty promising up-and-comer. His vocals and style sort of remind me of an MC from Canada by the name of Cadence Weapon, though his lyrics seemed more comic and conceptual. The beats backing him were very synth-driven and clubb-ish with a darker edge to them at times, though they weren't always the most impressive. The highlight of his set may have been a love song dedicated to his girlfriend, where he went up to said girlfriend in the crowd and danced with her as he performed it. It was a pretty nice opening set overall. Themselves were the next to perform and drew the largest crowd of the evening, filling the venue out pretty nicely. I don't blame the flocks of people who came to see them, because Doseone and Jel are two of the best live performers you're likely to see just about anywhere. Doseone just oozes charisma and talent in everything he does, and Jel is pretty much the end all of live drum pad work. Granted, their set together was not *quite* as great as when the two of them were touring with their live band Subtle, but it was still way way up there. Doseone could seriously have done stand-up if hip hop hadn't worked out for him... he knows how to talk up the crowd extremely well between tracks, though I'm glad he chose rap music as his profession because he is one talented MC. He and Jel were teasing each other trying to get each other to come up with clever things the entire set, which must've lasted around an hour or so. They performed mostly tracks from their new upcoming record "CrownsDown," though they did slip in a few numbers from "The No Music" and the original "Them" record near the end. The new tracks all sounded impressive, and both musicians brought their A-game. Great set, always worth seeing Dose and Jel put on a show. Most of the crowd left once Themselves had finished, which is a shame because Busdriver came on after them and put on a pretty great set as well. The sound quality wasn't as good for his set and he didn't seem to have nearly as many supporters as Dose & Jel, which is really too bad because he's a damn talented rapper and similar to Doseone in terms of originality and style. He definitely put on a really good set regardless of sound difficulties, with Antimc backing him up on the beats and occasional live guitar work. I've noticed that Busdriver is always trying to find new ways to manipulate his voice for every tour, as he was working multiple microphones with different echo effects and switching up his styles continuously in true LA vet fashion. While his whole set was really good, the stand-outs for me were probably the tracks he performed from my favorite album of his "Temporary Forever," as well as "Me Time" from his new record and "Sunshowers" from his "Roadkillovercoat" album. The track "Black Astronaut" is always nice to hear as well. A pretty great set from a top tier MC. Awesome show. Shame I couldn't drag more people to it *coughreveriecough* ;-) I picked up a handmade piece of artwork from Doseone as a souvenir as well, which is pretty sweet!

Wyvern swerves into the Cabaret Room and dashes through the current crowd of pennites until his harried panting allow him to sprint no further, bringing him to dizzying halt. The overgrown lizard stumbles and kneels over to catch his breath, shaking various protest signs and sharp "We <3 Michael Moore" pins from his wings but failing to remove the gimmicky California Comic Liberal Bumper Stickers stuck to his scales. "Jussst wanted to *pant* sssay that *pant* I'm fine *pant.* I'm fine. *pant* No need for *pant* butterflies yet, but appreciate the *pant* thought Annael! Agree with Peredhil 'bout the *pant* Moore guy. *pant* Now if you'll excusssse me, I need to go make some *pant* manipulative and biassssed ads for Almost Dragonic Brand Automatic Accusatory Claw Pointers™!" Wyvern hisses another round of thanks to those showing support, then jogs in place for a moment before setting back out on his "save my own scaly hide" track marathon, darting out of the Cabaret Room before the mob of rabid California democrats has a chance to arrive. ;-)

The other night, I went and saw Michael Moore's latest documentary "Capitalism: a Love Story" for free at the California Theatre in Berkeley. To be honest, my opinion of Michael Moore has greatly soured over the years and I'd no longer consider myself a fan. I remember being very impressed with his stylistic approach to docs when "Bowling for Columbine" came out, but my appreciation for him has dwindled with each subsequent flick as I've found them increasingly formulaic and propagandized. Having said this, "Capitalism: a Love Story" might be Moore's best in a while, though it still contains a number of the annoyances and gripes I have with his other flicks. To its credit, some of the information covered in "Capitalism: a Love Story" is quite interesting and Michael Moore's heart seems to be in the right place, but there's the same pointing of fingers, the same old TV clip montages, and (most annoyingly) the same "revolutionary" publicity stunts. Still though, given the current state of the US economy and housing crisis, Moore couldn't have chosen a better time to go at Capitalism's throat. The Wallace Shawn cameos were a nice touch too. Overall, I'm not completely bowled over by "Capitalism: a Love Story" and wouldn't go out of my way to recommend it to anyone, but at the same time it is one of Moore's better flicks and I'm sure it'll be a lotta folks' cup of tea.

Plan A: Door-to-Door Sabotage Wyvern clears his throat of a few ashes and carefully adjusts the spotted bow tie clipped to his suit collar, setting his crimson briefcase down on the ground next to Patham’s doorstep and adjusting his wings uncomfortably under the itchy fabric of his suit. The overgrown lizard stands in silence for a few minutes, checking the time ever so often by glancing over at a clock in the corner of the hallway, and staying put until the minute hand ticks over to the scheduled hour to commence Operation “Prices so Good They’ll Provoke a Kidnapping.” Wyvern lifts a claw and knocks on Patham’s door three times, accidentally scooting the pennite’s welcome matt to the side with a swap of his tail. He glances once more quickly at the clock on the wall before Patham’s hoots alert him of his approaching presence. The door creaks open an inch, still locked by a chain from the inside as Patham peeks his head through the crack. “Oh, hi there Wyv. What can I do for you?” “Hiya Patham.” Wyvern flashes a little claw salute and strikes a toothy grin. “I was wondering if I could speak to the wiggly cabbage of the houssssehold, actually. Ssssee, I have these Almost Dragonic Brand Wiggly Cabbage Proof Kidnapping Nets™ that I’m selling wholesssale, and I was wondering if-” The door shuts before Wyvern even has a chance to continue... Plan B: The Condiment Orkestra Condiment Orko scratches his noggin and pulls a map of the Pen’s tower quarters from the tip of one of his jutting teeth, examining it left, right, sideways and upsidedown before finally grunting and tilting his head twice to the left. A gang of twenty some goblin bodyguards scrambles over to the door that Orko is signaling to, their dark black suits and tin-can walkie talkies hardly hiding the fact that they measure at about half of Orko’s size in height… which is small even by goblin standards, considering that Orko is short for a pudgy orc. Orko smiles a gloating spoiled grin and tucks his hands behind his back, slowly wandering up to the door as the goblins rap on it loudly and holler: “Pen resident Patham! Come out now, the Condiment wants a word with ya! No funnybusiness!” The goblins continue knocking very loudly on all angles of the door until Patham opens it a crack again, causing half of said goblins to topple over and perform protective bodyguard rolls. Patham glances around until his eyes meet the pampered orcish ringleader of the group, who he stares at uncertainly. “Can I help you?” “Orkoin Apigadercci.” The plump orc extends a hand, which Patham hesitantly shakes. “You must be the one they call Patham. I hate to bother you at this hour, but me and my associates here are on a routine inspection of household condiments. Strictly business. Real brief. I was wondering if we could come in for a quick look? Will only take a minute, really.” Before Patham has a chance to respond, one of the mini-goblins shoves himself forward and unhooks the chain lock, letting the strange gang push their way on through and leaving the head of the household looking rather annoyed. “A nice pad you got here Patham, though a welcome matt woulda been nice.” Orkoin ignores Patham’s glum expression and proceeds to set about inspecting the pennite’s quarters, taking his leisure time and pausing as he notices a tall white jar on an oaken counter. He plucks the jar from its location and inspects it curiously, sniffing at it and licking his lips. “Is this…?” “Natural smelling salts for rodents.” Patham sighs as he shoves the displaced welcome matt back in front of his door. “They pass the inspection, don’t they?” “Oh yes, errr...” Condiment Orko clears his throat a little and tucks the white jar into the back pocket of his suit. “Of course I’ll uhhh, need to take it back to headquarters for a closer inspection. C’mon goons, let’s go.” The goblin bodyguards file out along with Condiment Orko, who takes Patham’s favorite jar of smelling salts with him but completely forgets about Chiroq and his original mission objective… Plan C: Brute Force Ruggabelch the Bastard Baker grunts to himself as he lumbers over to Patham’s welcome matt, his large troll hands and bib armor still white with baking powder. The angered twist of his lips relays the annoyance of having to ditch the latest batch of troll muffins for a common ingredients operation, and the breaths from his nostrils are loud enough to hear down the tower stairway. The Bastard Baker lifts his massive rolling pin to knock on Patham’s door, only to smash the entire entrance of the pennite’s quarters in at the first knock. He ignores the shocked expression on Patham’s face as he stomps into his quarters, splintering the demolished door under his feet and searching left and right for anything with leaves that’s small and circular. After successfully managing to knock over half of Patham’s furniture and creating a large troll size dent in the arch of the pennite’s hallway, Ruggabelch arrives at the guest greenhouse quarters where Chiroq rests. He squeezes his way into the room and grabs the famed wiggly cabbage, stuffing it into his rucksack as the cabbage’s psychic protests are lost on the baker’s tiny brain. Ruggabelch marches off with a satisfied grunt, leaving Patham to stare slack-jawed at his wiggling rucksack of kidnapped goods… He forms another dent in the owl’s entryway upon exiting. Mission: accomplished.

Wyvern strolls back up to Instabaker Gang flag still so firmly planted next to the sign up sheet, and poses next to it as he unravels a parchment to read to the hungry masses. "Thisss is jussst to state that the Instabaker Gang will arrive to the cooking competition fashionably late, in order to give all of the lesser cooks that sssigned up a big head start. Thisss is just to be fair to the other cooks in an attempt to offer some balance to the Instabaker Gang's obvious superiority, and has nothing to do with alleged rumors of us having difficulties acquiring the proper ingredients. The free butler servicesss are also still available to those who want it, all they need isss a proper fussse." With that, Wyvern winks to the crowds and turns his back to them with a swoosh of his tail, hooking the flag accidentally and causing it to topple over in the direction of the poor, unsuspecting Grim Squeaker...

Annael blinks for a moment as she notices her butterflies moving in odd flight patterns, their little wings performing several defensive turns through the air before swarming together to form a compact group huddle. She frowns and quickly glances around for signs of danger, only to breath a sigh of relief when she notices Wyvern seated next to her favorite tree (the real one, which Vigil has yet to so much as touch with a ten foot pole). The former arch-rival of butterflies tilts his snout up from the Courtyard dirt where he digs and suddenly spreads his wings upon spotting Annael, racing up to her and giving her a very dirty almost dragonic hug. “Annael! Great to ssssee you again.” Wyvern lets go of Annael for a moment and lets her breath, then grins a toothy grin and cocks a claw back in the direction of her tree. “Ssssince you were taking so long to get back, I took the liberty of planting a few Almost Dragonic Brand Tripwire Tangleweeds™ around your home. Y’know, jussst in case someone decided to actually take advantage of your absssence and disturb that extremely profitable tree of yours. See, it jusssst goes to show that I always have your bessst interests in min-” Wyvern squeaks out a little cry and raises his claws to his face as the butterflies suddenly begin swarming around his horns and snout, batting at his scales with as much wing strength as they can muster. “O-OK, I uhhh mighta planted a m-m-money tree or two in the general area of the Tangleweedsss as well.” Wyvern twists his snout and backs away from the ocean of flapping butterflies, folding his wings protectively over his head with a whine. “Ow! B-b-but the thought wasss sssstill there, honesssst!” ;>) OOC: Welcome back Annael! *hugs* Great to see you around these parts again.

Wyvern slowly steps through the Cabaret Room, his tail swatting people's ankles left and right as his snout remains pressed between the pages of a large tome that he browses through. The overgrown lizard's beady eyes flick from one face to another in the tome, occasionally pausing to bookmark pictures that show people wearing copious amounts of bling, considering the options for marketing all the while. The reptilian Elder pauses at the center of the Cabaret Room and peers over the top of the book to glance around at the innocent bystanders, careful to hide his devilish smile. No myspace, but just to let my beloved pennites know, I did finally get dragged into Facebook. Here's a link that I think should work: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/elitwack I'd love to add as many people from here as I can, so that when you folks choose to go on your unexpected hiatuses, at least I'll have *some* way to know how you're generally doing. Also, I am very much for the Pen Facebook Group idea, and will have to look into it if it hasn't already been made yet without me knowing! Wyv out.

I had a chance to see a free in-store from Wallpaper while working at Amoeba Records yesterday. Last time I saw them, they were the opening act for Subtle and Pigeon John in what still goes down as one of the best shows I've ever seen. While not as good as the other two acts mentioned, Wallpaper impressed me once again with their set, which had a new more dance-oriented direction to it and had the free in-store crowd grooving out. It didn't sound as experimental as the previous set I saw from them, but I the mock disco-ish nature of the new music seems like a natural progression for a group so obsessed with playing around with vocoders. The lead singer and drummer of the group were definitely going at it, sharply dressed and energetic as hell, crooning out comedic auto-tuned anthems catchy enough to get the audience involved in. They also played around with relaying anecdotes while vocoding the vocals up and down, and even supplied the crowd with little pairs of glasses that made everything look glittery and neon. Cool set.

I checked out the New Zealand horror comedy flick "Black Sheep" last night and found it fairly entertaining. Not super amazing or anything, but it does get big brownie points for originality and for making one of the most harmless animals imaginable into something fierce. One of my biggest complaints about the movie might actually be the special effects team, which is the same team responsible for Peter Jackson's early horror flicks like "Dead Alive." While the effects are certainly good and at times great, I still couldn't help but note just how similar they were to "Dead Alive," with identical uses of animation and stretchy-splattery gore. They almost detracted from the originality a bit to me, though the gore was very well done at times, particularly in a scene where the sheep swarm a bunch of businessmen gathered for a press conference. Film features sheep dung traps, giant mutant man sheep, explosive sheep farts, and people saying "bugger" a lot. You know the drill! On an unrelated note, I'm curious to hear what other pennites thought of "Inglourious Basterds"! I know that reverie hated it pretty bad, but there's gotta be more of you out there who've seen by this point, so don't be scared to drop your reviews here! On another unrelated film note, the two I'm looking forward to seeing now are "Where the Wild Things Are" (October) and "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" (November). A new superior breed of children's movies on the horizon, mark my words... ^_-

The Wyvern carefully stalks his latest prey, gauging his gullibility from the sidelines and tip-toeing after him, knocking over Cabaret decor loudly with his tail in the process. The overgrown lizard quickly pulls out a Bruteweiser breath freshener when he's spotted, spritzing its froth into his mouth and adjusting his succubi tie before approaching the newcomer. "Ssssolorassil right?" Wyvern flashes a wide toothy grin and grabs the misty pennite's hand, shaking it enthusiastically until he notices the look of concern on Solorassil's face. "Oh, don't be alarmed that I know your name... There'sss this guy Bill that I hire to pretend to be a security guard, so that I can get the names and demeanor of newcomersss before they spread to the Pen masses. Ssstrictly for administrational purposesss, of course! Eheheheh. Please, take a seat." Wyvern grabs a spare chair and scoots it out behind Solorassil so quickly that the pennite is practically forced to stumble back and accept it. The reptilian Elder promptly hands Solorassil a shotglass of Bruteweiser and a "Welcome to the Mighty Pen Shopping Center" brochure published by Almost Dragonic Inc. "I'm Wyvern, pleassssed to meet you." Wyvern pauses to dig into his pockets and pull out a series of notecards, which he lifts to his snout as he continues. "Now that you've arrived at the Pen, I do hope you'll take advantage of sssome of the fabulous sssales that I'm offering. Almost Dragonic Brand Pointy Elf Muffs™ down to 300 geld at 20% off, Almost Dragonic Brand Personalized Demisting Fanner Imp™ down to 1500 geld at 30% off, Almost Dragonic Brand Sneeze-Fried Second-Hand Rice™ at only 30 geld a clawful, Almost Dragonic Brand Forged Wyvern Pen Records™ on sale for 280 geld or 50 geld per read. Cheap cheap cheap!" Wyvern scatters a plethora of half-broken products he hasn't even mentioned yet onto the Cabaret table and grins, flicking out his forked tongue and spreading his arms and wings wide. "Only a fool wouldn't take advantage of these special limited time offers." Wyvern nods, then raises a claw to his chin and considers. "Well, a fool or an extremely suspicious person..."

Wyvern casually wanders past the yellow "Impdog Disaster Crime Scene" tape that surrounds a fair portion of the Banquet Hall, whistling innocently to himself until he catches wind of Azuran's poem. The overgrown lizard's eyes immediately narrow into mischievous little slits, and he carefully composes himself as he approaches Azuran with a spreading salesman grin. "Money. Power. Fame. Looksss. All admirable traits, rest assured..." Wyvern speaks with an air of utter boredom, carefully timing a wide-mouthed yawn and raising a claw to cover it. "Of coursssse, if you really wanted to stand out, you'd have ears that grow closer together. Earsss and their appearance are a big deal these daysss - just ask Valdar or Rydia if you don't believe me." Wyvern stretches his wings as he pulls out a set of earmuffs molded in the shape of extra long pointy ears, bearing adjustable ear angles and more than a bit of poor sewing. "Coincidentally, thessse Almost Dragonic Brand Pointy Elf Muffs™ are currently 20% off to calm, mysteriousss, eloquent people..." ;-)

In a dark dark hideout in a dark dark wood, through a dark dark hallway past a dark dark hood, there’s a dark dark doorway with a dark dark lock… well, a dark dark Almost Dragonic Brand Geld Token Combination Lock™ to be exact, which is only dark because of various malfunctions that prevent it from being shiny. Anyway, beyond the kinda dark lock is a fairly well-lit kitchen, which is brimming with all sorts of dark dark lowlifes… the central of which is a certain overgrown lizard sporting a dark (dark) red apron and a chef hat that doubles as an eye bandana. Wyvern raps a copper soup ladle down on the corner of a kitchen counter, louder and louder until he's got the noisy crowd’s attention. “Gentlemen, gentlemen… thisss meeting of the Almost Dragonic Insatiable Instabaker Gang will now come to order!” Wyvern tucks his soup ladle into the front of his apron and presses his claws together with an evil grin as a number of thuggish faces turn in his direction. “Firsssst of all, let me jussst welcome you all and say that it’sss a pleasure to see so many familiar facesss here! It’d be unfair to start naming names sssince there are many culinary criminalsss who’ve made this organization possible, but ever since the Instabaker Gang’s inception as a countermeasure to the Special Chef Operations Outfit, there’ve been a few lowlifes who have acted as the proverbial gravel in the Instabaker Gang’s giant mudpie.” Wyvern adjusts his chef hat mask with a grin and turns in the direction of a troll the size of a giant icebox, who sports wooden pastry tray armor and wears earings and necklaces that have burnt gingerbread cookies dangling from them. “Ruggabelch the Bassstard Baker.” Wyvern gestures towards the large troll in an amiable manner, watching him pat his giant rolling pin club in one hand. “Known across countrysidesss far and wide for burning down countless bakeries, all in pursuit of the perfect cookie. The brawn behind our organization’s many dastardly cooking utensils.” Wyvern nods and rubs his claws together, then turns to the rest of the crowd until he spots a plump orc dressed like an Italian Mafioso. Two large teeth jut from the orc’s lower jaw like miniature tusks, and bottles of mustard and mayo stick out from the pockets of his finely tailored black suit. “Orkoin Apigadercci a.k.a ‘Condiment Orko.’ The Inssstabaker Gang’s #1 man for all thing’sss condiment related.” Wyvern sneers and waves to the orc, who responds by flashing open his suit and revealing the rows upon rows of condiments lined within. He lets out a haughty snort of a laugh as Wyvern continues, feigning bashfulness. “Regarded as the ‘Condiment King’ in the upper-echelonsss of the orcish mob, he’s supplied condiments to over 600 of the mob’s pickiest eaters. He’s alssso one of the main sources of income for the Instabaker Gang, which is great since you know that *I* ain’t invesssting any money in it!” Wyvern winks to Orkoin, who continues to snort his haughty little laugh over the lizard’s semi-joke. Wyvern then turns and wanders over to a little candy table set up in a corner of the room, which has a sweet pink flowery tablecloth covering it and an even sweeter-looking little old lady in a bonnet working at it. Wyvern raises his claws to the little old lady with a grin. “And who could forget our dear old Nanny McPhiend! I hope I’m not interrupting you here, Nanny?” “Oh nooo nooo deary, not at all.” The little old lady speaks in a very soft and gentle voice, hobbling sweetly over to her confections with the warmest of smiles. “These deadly poison grum drops will be done in only a moment, they’re just fresh out the oven now.” “Oh, well don’t they look good enough to eat.” Wyvern grins as Nanny McFiend slowly goes back to work, and turns to the rest of the Gang with a pleased look. “In case anyone hasssn’t heard of our dessert specialist Nanny McPhiend, she’s the sweetest witch this side of Gretchen and the finessst candy-making villain you’re likely to meet. The kidnapped children she keepsss locked in her basement also ssserve as the Instabaker Gang’sss cleaning crew.” Wyvern pats Nanny McPhiend on the back, then moves through the crowd greeting people in turn until he reaches a small podium facing the assembly of culinary scumbags. He pulls out his soup ladle and raises it to the sky in a salute, then coughs and clears his throat of a few ashes. “Now then, onto matterssss of business. First of all, I am pleasssed to say that we have chosen the main ingredient for the meal that we’ll be preparing for the Mighty Pen’s cooking contest.” Wyvern reaches up and pulls down a diagram with a messy circular sketch on it, pointing out the various cutlets of the figure with the tip of his soup ladle. “His name is Chiroq.” Wyvern traces a circle around the wiggly cabbage diagram with the edge of his soup ladle, smiling sinisterly. “And he’s our main course.”

Nice mini-stories Boaz, thanks for sharing them. :-) The twists in the respective stories were cool, with Raithlin's betrayal in the first tale feeling more sad and personal than Thad's calculated plan in the second story. One thing that I have a hard time figuring out is how the two stories are tied together... they both involve mages being killed through trickery, but if there's some way that the characters or events of the first story interconnect with the second, then I must have not been reading close enough to catch it! Still, I liked these generally, and it might even be cool to see one of them expanded into a longer and more detailed story at some point. :-) I've got my fingers crossed, anyway.

Wyvern slithers his way into the Conservatory dressed in a securely padded cooking apron, complete with flame repellent copper chest-shield and sacks of Almost Dragonic Brand Sneeze-Fried Second-Hand Rice™ for shoulder pads. A steel chef hat helmet crowns the overgrown lizard’s head with a horn tilt, shaking left and right as the lizard wanders up to the cooking competition sign-up sheet and plants a flag in the ground next to it. The reptilian Elder crosses his arms over his chest and stares off into the distance as the flag rustles in the air, displaying a picture of a burning cabbage with a wyvern looming over it… the herald of the dreaded Almost Dragonic Insatiable Instabaker Gang. “Attention all! I, Wyvern Q. Almostdragon, leader of the Almost Dragonic Insatiable Instabaker Gang, do hereby join thissss tournament in order to promote my brand new cooking book.” Wyvern pulls out a large brown tome labeled “1001 More Ways to Cook Chiroq the Wiggly Cabbage,” its cover displaying a picture of Wyvern smiling with a cabbage stuffed in his mouth. “Moreover, sssince I’m well-aware of the Almost Dragonic Insatiable Instabaker Gang’s superiority in the culinary artsss, I am offering a free butler service to any interested parties as a complimentary bonus.” Wyvern nods and gestures towards a group of troglyodytes dressed in tuxedos, each of them carrying a silver platter with a lid over it. Wyvern kneels down to scribble his name broadly under Mynx’s just as the last of the troglyodyte butlers sets a lid over his silver platter of dynamite, covering it a little too late for rival contestants not to notice… ;-)

Tanuchan turns to quietly leave to her safe refuge only to bump right into Wyvern, who accidentally drops a tall stack of prosthetic limbs he happens to be carrying over her head. Wyvern's claws move to his snout as he hisses a million apologies to the poor wolf, scrambling to remove the limbs from her but finding the knotted mess a little too difficult to untangle on his own. Glancing left and right for someone to help, the lizard races over to Frank McFrog and grabs him by the shoulder to shake him and see if he's willing to help. Wyvern's expression transforms from a frown of concern to a toothy salesman sneer in the blink of an eye, however, when he discovers that it's none other than a freshly returned Frank McFrog. "Fraaaaannnnkkkkyyyyyy!" Wyvern extends his claws in a overly enthusiastic salesman greeting pose, moving in and patting Frank on the back with one of his wings. "Long time no ssssee, Mr. McFrog. Glad to have you back. As I'm sure you'll dissscover, a lot of thingsss have changed around here, the main thing being that I've resigned from my former scheming waysss." "Resigned?" Frank McFrog hesitantly poses the question, his eyes turning to the heap of limbs surrounding Tanuchan as she mumbles something loudly under one of the prosthetic arms. "From scheming?" "That'sss right Frank, my former waysss are no more. You're looking at a new Wyvern." Wyvern reaches into his pouch and pulls out a pamphlet labeled Almost Dragonic Brand Forged Wyvern Pen Records™, then hands it to Frank McFrog. "It'sss all detailed in this convenient pamphlet, which can be yours for a mere 300 geld! Or, if you'd prefer to just look through it once, 100 geld. By the way, holding it? That's 50 geld. And let's not forget sssalesss tax shall we...?" ;-)

Wyvern lowers his sharpened quill down to the front of the Xaious doll he has clutched in one claw, signaling to a troglyodyte assistant in a distracted manner as he punctures the little clock diagram designed on the doll’s chest. The overgrown lizard lifts the doll and turns it upside-down, emptying the hour glass sand that had previously filled it onto the small candle-laden Cabaret counter where he’s seated. The troglyodyte assistant hesitantly places a sack of Almost Dragonic Brand Sneeze-Fried Second-Hand Rice™ in Wyvern’s reach, turning to the lizard and mumbling: “Are you sure about this, Wyv? Vigil Stargazer’s instructions seemed a little odd…” “Nonsenssssse!” Wyvern grabs a clawful of the second-hand rice and begins shoving it into the Xaious doll at a reckless pace, ignoring the little tears his claws make in the fabric. “It has an 80% chance of success, according to wishful thinking. Besssides, If I bring Xaious’s spirit back to life, I’ll be able to ask him to send me back in time so that I can give CheerMynx a proper final episode and farewell on the Almost Report. That, and maybe I can even convince him to sssend me back to the great Terran Geld Rush for a while. Certainly wouldn’t hurt scheme funding.” “I dunno Wyv…” The troglyodyte frowns and shakes his head as Wyvern rubs two claws together and sprinkles the resulting dust into the excess rice bulging from the now-bloated Xaious doll. “Didn’t that Sam story strike you as a little odd?” “Oh you’re jusssst a worry wart Sssspinky. Everything’s gonna go OK, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.” Wyvern rolls his eyes as he taps the fattened Xaious doll to make sure that it’s stable. “Now why don’t you be ussseful and read me the next ssstep.” “Fill a bath tub with water.” A fearful expression suddenly befalls Wyvern’s face as he backs away from the doll with a stammer, his plan to use Kikuyu’s closet as a hiding place when the lights go out no longer as concrete as it once was…

A few nights ago, I went and saw Blue Sky Black Death, Boy Eats Drum Machine and Boy in Static at the Bottom of the Hill in San Francisco. My second non-hip hop show in a row, I must be getting soft! Naw, but in all seriousness, this was a very good show of interesting electronic alternative rock type acts at my favorite venue in San Francisco. Boy in Static was the first group to get up and perform, and they were one of the reasons I decided to check out the show. I remember seeing them open for 13 & God in Washington DC many years ago, and recalled liking their set of electronic dream pop quite a bit. I was curious to see where their music had progressed to after all these years, and judging by this show they now sound a lot cleaner and more drum-oriented then before. Their set-up consisted of one guy on the drum pads and another guy on violin and vocals, with a sampler and a few microphones thrown in for good effect. For those who doubt the performance of drum pads live, Boy in Static was getting down on them and even explained that their fingers used to bleed over the pads from playing so hard. Despite this energetic playing, their songs were mostly quiet and peaceful electronic tunes with sweet vocals over them. Not as dreamy-sounding as they used to be, but a more refined vision of sound that worked quite well. Nice set. Boy Eats Drum Machine, who I had never heard of, got up to perform next and seriously impressed me with his set. It consisted of one guy surrounded by a whole plethora of equipment, including drums, turntables, saxophone, drum machine, microphone and tambourine. From the very first song, it became clear that this guy knew how to put all of his equipment to good use, with some great uses of record scratching and sampling to back his singing and instrument playing. He had two television monitors hooked up to his drum pad and turntable, so that the crowd could get a close-up view of what he was doing that only made the experience more impressive. Some great beats, some of them very danceable and even encouraging crowd participation, with strong singing vocals and instrumental. Great set, I’m officially a fan. Blue Sky Black Death took things over for the final set as the headlining act of the evening, and were the main reason I came out to the show. I haven’t followed all of their considerable output over the last few years, but their album “A Heap of Broken Images” remains somewhat of a masterpiece in the field of instrumental hip hop. Their beats have a very dark and orchestral sound, which in concert incorporated a violinist, a bassist, a guitarist and a laptop person. They also had the lead female singer from their “Slow Burning Lights” album, Yes Alexander, in attendance and they involved her in all of the numbers. At first I was disappointed at the lack of “Heap of Broken Images” material, but that quickly passed as it turns out Yes Alexander is quite the lead vocalist performer, with a really cool personality and a knack for putting her feelings forth through movement as well as singing. The way she articulated her sound with various dances and motions definitely made her stand out and really enraptured the crowd. Of course, the instrumentation was great as well, as is to be expected from Blue Sky Black Death. Great set to end a great show with!

The sound of a slamming door near the back end of the Banquet Hall suddenly catches the attention of cryptomancer and the various listeners surrounding him, turning all eyes towards a rather harried-looking Wyvern. The overgrown lizard's Terra Trove Devil sports jersey looks like its been through hell and back, displaying many exposed sections of scales through its numerous tears and burn marks. A charcoaled Almost Dragonic Brand Hellfire Grilled Impdog™ hangs from the tip of one of Wyvern's horns like a stinky black slug, with another still-smoking impdog pierced through his tail stinger and trailing ash on the carpet. The reptilian Elder gasps for air as he turns his back to the door he just shut, covering the "Vegetarian Buffet" sign that hangs on it with his wings and ignoring the wisps of black smoke that creep from under the door cracks. He tilts his head back and takes a deep breath, then turns to sneak away only to freeze with his jaw open at the sight of cryptomancer and the other spectators. "Errrr, *Ahem.*" Wyvern waves some smoke from his face and lifts a clawful of Almost Dragonic Brand Hellfire Grilled Impdogs™, finally unfreezing himself to speak to the onlookers in an appropriate manner. "t'siay otnay hatway ouyay hinktay!" ;-)

Wyvern moseys into the brimstone-heated Assembly Room pushing a large red cart labeled "Almost Dragonic Brand Hellfire Grilled Impdogs™," scales all decked out in a sports jersey representing the Terra Trove Devils (and their cheerleading squad, the Succubi 69). He tilts his snout to the sky and shouts for hungry customers until the heat of the product reaches the cart's handlebars, causing him to let go with a shove and a yelp in pain. Wyvern blows on his claws several times over in the hopes of cooling them down, paying no attention to the cart as it continues rolling across the room and down the hall, headed in the direction of the Banquet Hall's vegetarian buffet. Once the reptilian Elder has properly cooled off his mitts, he tilts his head at the Devil's question and hisses: "Which option offerssss more geld?" ;-) ---- Nice concept for a story here, Hjolnai. :-) I like the way the Devil addresses the second person/reader, and think you should expand the section where he's talking about the different people in Hell i.e Tim, Bill and James. It could be quite an interesting and informal tour of the afterlife! Curious to see where you go with this piece, and whether or not you choose to expand it.

A few nights ago, I went and saw a couple of rock groups that folks I work with at Amoeba Records are involved in… The billing consisted of Grand Lake, Guidance Counselor, and the Super Cutes at the Uptown in Oakland. Got there just as the Super Cutes set was starting, and it was a cool set of traditional poppy rock with some extra nerdy and interesting lyrics. It was neat to see Spensor (the dude pictured on the right) performing his stuff, and I really liked the last two songs they did, which incorporated some neat electronic flourishes. The title track from their new album “Yes, We are the Super Cutes” referenced everything from playing “Hero Quest” to texting people on Facebook. Cool set. Guidance Counselor were the next to perform, and they put on a good set of club-ish electro music that incorporated some rock guitar work and drumming. Their set was definitely dance-worthy with lots of beats meant for shaking bodies and a smoke machine in full effect, it’d be interesting to see how they’d rock a packed house instead of the meager turn-out of this particular show. The lead vocalist seemed to be know how to vibe with the music, and they struck me as a good group, though they were the only band I didn’t know anyone from. Grand Lake performed next as the evening’s headliner, and put on a set of a lot of new music they’ve been working on. I’m a fan of their first EP and the lead vocalist Caleb is a cool guy, plus I think he’s got a good personality for the stage. Their new music has a much more experimental edge to it as far as the guitar work goes, partially due to the absence of a keyboard player this time around, but it worked well and they put on a good set. Their new direction seems interesting and I’m looking forward to seeing where they go with it for a full length. Cool show. I also had a chance to witness a free in-store from Jay Reatard the other day, once again on the alternative rock tip, and they put on an awesome 30 minute set. Lots of urgency in the guitar work, some interesting wailing vocal cadences, and some really cool hooks made for a winning set.

So, I just got back from a pretty packed midnight showing of Tarantino's new World War II epic "Inglourious Basterds," and I must say that I left the theater feeling very pleased and impressed. The film is not as much of a B-movie genre parody as I thought it would be, though it does have Tarantino's signature style and comedic touches. Those expecting the goofy violence of "Kill Bill" in a war setting might be caught off guard by the film's loftier ambitions and heavier messages though, which is not a bad thing since the last thing I want to see is Tarantino repeating himself. "Inglourious Basterds" is heavy on long drawn out scenes of excellent Tarantino dialogue, interspersed with flashes of brutal violence that kind of creep up on you in the background. The whole thing is split into chapters in typical Tarantino style and is packed with excellent scenes, my two current favorites being the bar card game romp and the theater finale "Revenge of the Giant Face." What really impresses, though, is the way that these scenes add up in the end, and the way that Tarantino manages to deliver his thoughts on complex War topics while avoiding any annoying heavy handed cliches. On the acting front, Brad Pitt and Christoph Waltz are terrific in their respective roles, with a strong supporting cast backing them up. The only supporting actor who I didn't care for that much was Eli Roth, whose portrayal of "The Bear Jew" felt rehearsed and drew a bit of the magic out of some scenes. Another nitpicking complaint of mine as that one of my favorite characters of the film, the hellza bad-ass Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz, didn't get as much screen time action as I would have liked... even that gattling gun scene in the trailer is conspicuously absent. Having said that, there is a lot to love here: memorable dialogue, creative and original scenarios, great characters, some juicy violence, and an ending that I'm sure will stick in my mind for some time to come. Another very solid notch in Tarantino's belt as far as I'm concerned, sure to be one of the better movies to drop this year. Go give it a shot!

Promising story intro here, Luna. :-) I like the bickering sibling relationship you establish right off the bat between the main characters, and the relationship of the father with some less than reputable men gives the lottery win an intriguing feel of ambivalence. I'm curious to see whether Donnie is involved with the mob in any way, or if it's just an honest win of luck that drives his sister on a spree of skepticism. Who knows, maybe it's an honest win on his part that's inevitably tied to the mob since they pull all the lotto strings... there're lots of interesting directions to expand it in, anyway. I could also see this working as a short if going the full story route isn't your plan, though for that I think the piece might need a little more "umph" at the end, something more than just the snarky deal that demonstrates brother's relationship to his sister. Either way, it's a good read so far! Thanks for sharing it.

Almost Dragonic Brand

Repetition!