Wyvern

Wyvern steps into the Cabaret Room's tiny Madlib Arena, pulling what appears to be a rickety cart with a number of colorful test tubes poking out of it. The overgrown lizard sets the detached handle bar of the cart down center-stage, then brushes the ash from his ugly crimson labcoat with a sneer. He waves a claw in the direction of the cart and hisses: "Ladiesss and gentlemen of the Mighty Pen Cabaret... I presssent to you, a new challenge for madlib veterans of old and newcomersss alike! Within the cart that lies before you, no fewer than ten Mighty Pen madlib test formulas have been gathered, neon bright and ripe for the picking. The formulas are listed as follows: Madlib Formula #563 Green - 'Radlib' [used by Mynx] Madlib Formula #73 Yellow - 'Gliblib' [used by Inspector I. M Clueless] Madlib Formula #421 Brown - 'Fadlib' [used by Gwaihir] Madlib Formula #323 Silver - 'Egad!ib' [used by Canid] Madlib Formula #952 Purple - 'Cadlib' [used by Geldrinhor] Madlib Formula #1 Opaque - 'Adlib' [used by Patrick] Madlib Formula #666 Black - 'Deadlib' [used by Tanuchan] Madlib Formula #556 Rainbow - 'Myriadlib' [used by Asmadeus] Madlib Formula #321 Red - 'Jihadlib' [used by Zadown] Madlib Formula #792 Pink - 'Women's Lib' [used by the Big Pointy One] For thisss particular madlib exercissse, I ask that each participant choose one of these Formulas, and that you base your clever choices of words around the theme of the Formula you choose. How you interpret the theme of your choice of madlib Formula is entirely up to you. Pleassse list the Formula you are using at the beginning of your post. Each of the Formulas may only be used once, and once all of the Formulas have been used, this exercise will be closed and the resultsss will be posted. I ask that you only post in this particular madlib if you wish to try your hand at testing a Formula... more normal madlib exercises will be available later." Without further ado, Wyvern pulls out a large test diagram sheet and tacks it to the wall, listing the words to be tampered with: 1) [A Vehicle] 2) [Verb, Past Tense] 3) [Plural Noun] 4) [Verb, Past Tense] 5) [Adjective Ending in “-like”] 6) [A Number] 7) [Plural Noun] [Feature of Said Plural Noun (7)] 9) [Article of Clothing] 10) [Adverb] 11) [Adjective] 12) [A Hair Accessory] 13) [Adjective] 14) [Part of Body] 15) [An Artifact] 16) [Noun] 17) [Plural Noun] 18) [superlative Adjective (i.e longest, lowest, etc.)] 19) [Formal Title for a Person] 20) [Adjective Ending in “-like”] With that, Wyvern slides on his Almost Dragonic Brand Anti-Verbal Radiation Goggles™ and waits...

Yikes! I just read through what's been written of this story so far, and had no idea that Mynx was put through so much hell in the past... I guess that the Pen and the people surrounding it must truly bring out the sweeter side of her character, huh? ;-) The tone and chain of events of the story definitely made the world that Skielah lived in seem like a very dark and jaded place, with Frederick offering the only glimpse of kindness or hope thus far. I like the disorienting atmosphere of the beginning of the story, as it reflected Skielah's amnesia and confusion well. The scene where Skielah extorts the weasel hitman-hirer for his gold was also well done... Mynx had quite a mean streak back in the day, didn't she? o_o In terms of possible things to improve: I felt that the events of the story thus far happened very quickly, and were sometimes over too quickly to really become emotional or dramatic. You might consider expanding some scenes or offering a bit more of Skielah's feelings to improve upon this. Also, there were points where the dialogue between characters felt a little iffy to me, particularly in the exchanges between Skielah and Frederick, and you might consider making it less direct and to-the-point as a possible means of improving this. Anyway, nicely done so far Mynx. :-) Very interesting to catch a glimpse of Mynx's past, I'm looking forward to reading more of it...

Brain Lateralization Test Results Right Brain (0%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain (Conservatives, eat your heart out). Left Brain (0%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain (Liberals, eat your heart out). Diabolical Brain (200%) The diabolical hemisphere is the illogical, quasi-evil, egoistic, slovenly, perverted, ever-greedy, narcissistic, kitten hating almost dragonic side of the brain (Zombies eat your heart out). Wanna get 800% on this Baby? Almost Dragonic Brand Emotional IQ Test Cheatsheets™ Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, and articulate, and to the point of being boring!. Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive when it comes to being boring!. Diabolical brain domination-seeking individuals are all of the above, just with more bad-assness. They can be poor at understanding some logical things like tax return directions, but have a great knowledge of all things explicit. They're also great at comprehending emotions, such as lasciviousness, but are poor at grasping abstract concepts, such as Mighty Pen politics. Overall you appear to have fairly Evil Hemispheres Having submitted his test results, Wyvern gets back to serious business and begins plotting ways to translate the excess test result brains of pennites to a tasty and affordable form of canned zombie chow...

Programs displayed on screens across the Pen gradually fade to black in accordance with the current transmission schedule. Their images are promptly replaced by that of the official Mighty News broadcasting station, accompanied by a rather typical trumpet-driven news medley. The cameras pan around the all-too-familiar sturdy news table where Bob Soluberrin sits, focussing on his all-too-tidy news reporter hairline before shifting to an all-too-comfortable camera angle. Bob Soluberrin shuffles his all-too-linear news sheets in an all-too-orderly manner, then stares towards the cameras with a stone expression... all to strengthen the station's reputation as a news source, of course. "This is Bob Soluberrin, reporting to you briefly from this evening's Mighty News slot." Bob stares at the news document in front of him and smiles. "At the top of the hour: color returns to the Pen. As I'm sure you're now aware, technicolor has been restored to this show and to the Mighty Pen Keep at larget. While the shift in color has had little effect on my 'one size fits all colors' wardrobe, it is worth pointing out and thanking the skillled enchanters who fixed it. Feel free to extend your thanks to them the next time you see them... tell them that Bob Soluberrin sent you *cue corny news reporter point and wink*. If you have any questions, concerns, or suggestions regarding the layout and look of the Pen, you can feel free to pass those along to the enchanters as well." Bob clears his throat a bit and shuffles his papers, tossing out two or three Almost Dragonic advertisements that were sent to him from an anonymous source and turning to the next item on his list. "In further news, the lack of news sources from other pennites has suggested that people are still attempting to send their news items to the former pirate news broadcaster, referred to only as 'El Wyverno.' While details are sketchy at this point, we implore you to not to send any of your current Pen news items to this dastardly reptilian vigilante, as he is sure to mock and defame important issues in a careless manner. Please redirect the mailing of your news items to the Mighty Pen News Broadcasting Headquarters at the Mighty Pen Keep. We here at the Mighty News are more than happy to cater to any of your news-related needs in a thorough and professional manner." Bob Soluberrin nods and shuffles through his papers until he reaches the final sheet. He clears his throat a bit before continuing. "Speaking of professional news, I would just like to warn the more staunch and orderly viewers of our show that a special report will be made in the near future from a young lady who is less-than-experienced when it comes to reporting. We here at the Mighty News are offering her a foot in the door of sorts, and have asked for a short report on a topic from her on our show as a rights of passage. Don't be surprised by any unfamiliar faces." With that, Bob Soluberrin sets down his news sheets and waves to the camera. Screens across the Pen slowly fade to black to the tune of a muted trumpet...

Bob stares down at Whisky in Babylon with an awkward frown stretched across his face. He fiddles with an imaginary bundle of news report sheets as she locks her hands together and pleads, bobbing his fingers in a mid-air shuffle motion. The unnecessary dramatic music begins building again in the background as he extends a hand to her, but the strings and keyboards are cut short as Bob re-extends said hand in the air with a waving motion. Several minutes of silence pass as the soundman in the adjacent room begins packing his belongings. "Listen... young lady..." Bob Soluberrin coughs loudly and raises a hand to his cheeks, trying to hide a fading blush in an effort to maintain his professional demeanor. "The Mighty News is a, errr, very professional organization. Very professional. And, well, you know, we don't really hire any sorts of intern-" Bob holds his tongue as he watches Whisky in Babylon go into another dramatic pause. He taps his foot for a moment, then breaths a long sigh and raises a hand to his hair. "Well, look, maybe we could give it a shot this once, O.K?" Bob Soluberrin fixes his eyes on Whisky in Babylon, concentrating on her expression. "I like both your approach to the news and your choice of suite; the gray on gray looks strikingly similar to some of my own wardrobe. If you can dig up a news scoop and present it in a formal and professional manner on my program, I would be willing to take you under my wing and show you the basics of our reporting procedures: news acquisitions, news production, news editing, and Anti-Almost Dragonic Pirate Broadcasting Crystal Ball enchanting. But it would be no pay, no benefits, and no smiles. Understood?" Bob Soluberrin pauses and grimaces as the departing soundman begins dragging his large case of equipment across the floor in a very noisy manner, breaking the mood of the moment.

Last night, I went and saw Glue's "3 The Hard Way" tour at the Elbo Room in San Francisco, which featured DJ MF Shalem B (with Richie Gunner and Big Pro), 75 Degrees and Silent Army as opening acts. If there's one thing that people who've read through my posts in this thread should have picked up on at this point, it's that Adeem + DJ DQ + Maker = a helluva good time. Glue is one of the strongest live acts that hip hop has to offer. Having said this, their performance at the Elbo Room was definitely not their best night, mainly due to a stoic crowd, stuck up venue, and rather boring set of opening acts. These factors combined seemed to drain some of the raw energy that usually comes from Glue's set, and turned what could have been a great show into an average show. Silent Army took the stage to start things off, and played one of the slower and more distorted tracks off the "Kill Bill 2" soundtrack as opening music. He didn't have a DJ with him, and instead used a Korg keyboard that already had his beats programmed in it (or maybe it was just a CD player, I'm not sure). Anyway, I'd seen him opening for P.O.S and Mac Lethal previously, and he was better this time, though not by a large margin. He had his own beats for this set, as opposed to rhyming over other people's beats, and he did have a couple of tracks with interesting production. Unfortunately, while Silent Army is pretty good at multi-syllable rapping, there isn't really any other aspect of him that stands out and he's a pretty average/boring M.C. This set didn't put me to sleep, but did have me glancing at my watch from time to time. Once Silent Army finished, there was an extremely long wait and DJ set before 75 Degrees took the stage, which I'm guessing was due to some of their band members being late to the venue. 75 Degrees is a live funk band with the M.Cs Marc Strech and Rick Bond sharing microphone duties. I'd never heard of them before, but they didn't impress me much. The live funk element was technically skillful, and included a guitarist, drummer, bassist, and keyboardist, but the music they played wasn't daring or exciting in any way. Marc Strech is a good M.C and rocked his verses nicely, but Rick Bond struck me as pretty mediocre and bored me with his flow and cadence. Overall, this was another set that had me looking at my watch. After 75 Degrees wrapped things up, DJ MF Shalem B came out with his buddies Richie Gunner and Big Pro as a surprise addition to the lineup. DJ MF Shalem is known for his past work with Adeem (the M.C of Glue) and Sage Francis, and is a very good producer and turntablist. Richie Gunner and Big Pro were both adequate M.Cs with decent flows and some clever lyrics, and they benefited greatly from Shalem's recent club-oriented beats. Decent set overall. Finally, at around one in the morning or so, Glue came out to perform as the headliner of the evening. They kicked things off with an excellent alternative version of the track "A Lot to Say," which used a funky new beat and switched up the melody of the chorus to something more soulful and catchy. Adeem was by far the best M.C of the evening, as his technical mastery of rapidfire flows and down-to-earth personality have always made him shine on stage. He even broke out a harmonica at one point, and started seriously getting down while DJ DQ scratched along to the harmonica melodies. Speaking of DJ DQ, he once again impressed the crowds with his extremely concise solo scratch routines and duets with Adeem. Maker was also in the house, and represented on his MPC by switching up the beats at various points and challenging Adeem's flow with his variations. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like the crowd was as into it this time around, and there was a sort of undercurrent of frustration throughout their set. I was also familiar with most of their routines and wasn't quite as blown away by them for this reason, though the set still had some memorable moments, like when Adeem exorcized an evil spirit from a guy in the crowd through one of his songs. The Elbo Room tried to cut off Glue's last track by turning on all the lights in the venue since it was past closing time, but Adeem wasn't having it and completed the song regardless. A pretty good set, overall. It was Glue on one of their "off nights," but a decent show never the less.

You're not required to rewrite or repost anything, so feel free to take your time and only revisit the poem if you feel like it. :-) My post was meant as more of an interpretation than a critique... who knows, giving the reader some insight into the emotions of the man who abandones his companion might make this a different poem altogether. You should go with whatever feels right to you. :-) If you do end up revising it, I'd personally be more interested in some sense of what the person free of the chains feels when he departs as opposed to the person left behind... the emotions of the person he leaves behind are pretty self-evident to me, and not as important to the poem as a whole in my opinion. Thanks again for sharing this, by the way. :-) It presents an interesting image.

Wyvern sniffs and munches on a curly onion cheese doodle as he slowly reads over Kikuyu Black Paws's poem. The overgrown lizard mutters the lines under his breath with a degree of envy that only increases per stanza; "Aw man, I wish I could fly" turns to "Aw man, I've never tasssted lightning before," which in turn fades to "Aw man, I wish I knew a lullaby to quiet the dang thunder." The reptilian Elder raises a brow upon finishing the final stanza, and repeats the last two lines of the poem under his breath before snapping a claw in the air. "Brilliant! A profitable holiday resort if I've ever seen one." Wyvern pulls out a notepad and begins scribbling notes. "I can see the spin-off now: Almost Dragonic Brand Full Bloom Profanity Bonsai™ - the perfect word-tree essscape, and an ideal honeymoon spot for newly weds! I'm sure we could prolly pluck free words for it from the "Word Association" area if we spun people in the right direction... "@#$&" is not all that dissimilar a word from "Yay!" after all. That jussst leaves the question of how to serve lightning as a three-course meal... I think I might have sssome kites and keys handy, for a start. Is there a weather mage in the houssse?!" ;-)

Bob Soluberrin stands from his seat and turns to face Whisky in Babylon as she says the magic word, clutching a cup of coffee in one hand and an evening news pamphlet in the other. He stares at her for a long moment, then clears his throat and adjusts a speakerphone that hangs under his chin. "This is Bob Soluberrin, reporting to you off-the-air from The Mighty News broadcasting station. In recent news, a formal stranger catches a local news icon off-guard as she shows up at his newsroom uninvited. This report and the subsequent security actions that follow, coming up next." Whisky in Babylon frowns as Bob Soluberrin sets down his coffee and presses his hands together, moving his fingers in a hawk-like formation. The hand signal catches the attention of two burly security guards standing at the rear exit of the room, who crack their knuckles and proceed to approach. Whisky in Babylon takes a few steps back as she notices the "Mighty News" tattoos that bulge over their muscles, then quickly resorts to Plan B. She flashes Bob Soluberrin the saddest face she can muster, letting her lower lip tremble a bit for effect. Bob pauses and grumbles when he notices the glassy look in Whisky's in Babylon's eyes, and stomps his foot down as he raises a hand in the air. The two security grunts stop in their tracks. "Well, young lady." Bob Soluberrin frowns and crosses his arms over his chest. "I don't like to stray from my weekly schedule... but since you asked so nicely, I'll give you five minutes to speak if speak you must. I ask that you use only proper grammar when addressing me, however. I can read your mind's misspellings in your eyes!" Bob Soluberrin sets the timer on his intricate-looking Rolex watch, then levels his eyes back in Whisky in Babylon's direction.

Interesting poem, Sora Hikari... particularly in terms of the moral of the story and the manner in which its presented. Out of curiousity, did you intend to present the prospect of walking one's own path as something appealing and desirable? I ask because I personally felt that the achievment of breaking the chains of fate and flying free was cruel and selfish in the context of the poem... a very interesting take, but I'm uncertain if that's what you intended. The two people are bonded closely together, and when the one person breaks free, he doesn't offer the other person a hand or even a goodbye, leaving him afraid and alone for personal gain. If the appeal of breaking the chains of fate is what you were aiming for, I might suggest offering a bit more sympathy between the characters, or some sort of emotion from the person departing. I like the cold and heartless feeling I get from it, though, as it feels like an original approach to a familiar concept. Anyway, thanks for sharing this poem here, Sora Hikari.

An expensive and well-organized light show brightens the official Mighty Pen newsroom as cameras pan around the formal news table, highlighting Bob Suloberrin's blue news suit and contrasting it with the white backdrop of the room. Bob reaches for his white news item sheets and shuffles them across the blue table top as the news medley draws to a close. He applies some blue hair conditioner to his white head of Kassie Kurazee-conditioned hair as the cameras collectively turn in his direction. "Good evening, and welcome to another episode of The Mighty News - voted 'Most official and professional news broadcasting service of the Mighty Pen Keep'." Bob Suloberrin singles out the first sheet of his report. "Headlining tonight's news: an apology for the lack of technicolor in this broadcast, as well as the lack of technicolor across the Pen Keep. The recent installation of new magical wards seems to have caused an odd glow across the Pen, illuminating all things in distinctive shades of white and blue. The Pen's dedicated team of enchanters are working around the clock in the hopes of bringing back the colors you love as soon as possible. Whether or not they'll finish before The Portrait of Zool is mistaken for an Andy Warhol piece is yet to be determined. Until then, feel free to inform our resident enchanters of any other oddities you spot around the Keep that you wish to see corrected." A news box begins to form in the righthand corner of the screen, only to stop in mid-formation as Bob Soluberrin stands from his seat and lifts a hand. "We also apologize for the lack of news imagery boxes in this report." The remnants of the news box fade to nothingness. "We've found that the pirate news broadcaster at large still has a way of tapping into them, and we'd like to keep this important program as free of almost dragonic reporters as possible." Bob Soluberrin coughs for a moment, then turns to his second sheet of paper. "In further news this evening: a recent astronomical stroll turned into a stellar celebration as Ozymandias the Elder announced the most recent set of Pen promotions. Congratulations go out to Whisky in Babylon, Geldrinhor, Norman the Runt, Curious Mylo, Patrick Durham, Katzaniel, Mynx and Tanuchan for their respective pats on the back. We can only hope that these brave pennites have the oxygen that it takes to return to the Pen Keep, as the rift between worlds is vast." Bob Soluberrin pauses, then reaches off-screen as he's handed a new piece of paper. "This just in: a charity organization known as... uhh, Almost Dragonic Brand Lizard Breath to Save Lives™... is taking geld donations for breathing oxygen into tubes to send the pennites stranded in outerspace? What the...?" Bob Soluberrin frowns and grumbles as he crumples the sheet and tosses it to the side. The paper bounces off a white cylander and falls neatly into a blue trashcan adjacent to the table. "Finally, I'd like to end this report with a word of warning." Bob frowns and leans closer to the cameras, his expression dead serious. "Please DO NOT participate in the chile endurance competition being hosted in the Pen's Courtyard. In fact, do not even stand within ten feet of the chile stand. Inside sources have informed us at The Mighty News that the contents of Almost Dragonic Brand Dynaminferno X-tra Blaze Chile™ are to be considered lethal and highly explosive. Ignore the temptation of boosting your machismo and gaining a substantial fanbase of the opposite sex, and focus on your own personal safety. Ignore the fact that it's open to guys and girls alike for tasting, and that flame-related pennites are allowed to participate. In fact, it would be best to simply ignore it altogether." Bob sets his papers down on the table in front of him and nods. The screen slowly fades to blue, then to white... "This is Bob Soluberrin, signing off and wishing you a goodnight."

So, this evening, I went with my sister and one of her friends to see the new Tarantino/Rodriguez movie, "Grindhouse." In case you haven't caught word of this film yet, "Grindhouse" is a double-bill screening featuring the mini-movies "Planet Terror" and "Death Proof," which are directed by Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino respectively. Everything from the format to the directorial approach of the two films pays homage to old midnight movies while parodying them at the same time, in typical Tarantino style. The two movies also come along with a series of fake trailers for other non-existent midnight films, which are disgusting and often-times hilarious. So, what are these two flicks like? To start with the first of the bunch, Rodriguez delivers a solid effort with "Planet Terror," which is a zombie movie/all-out splatterfest. I haven't been a big fan of Rodriguez's stuff in the past, but "Planet Terror" was an interesting take on an old brand of B-movies, with lots of weird comedic characters and over-the-top loonyness. I think this might be the goriest movie I've ever seen, though the extremities of gore are pushed so far that it becomes pretty ridiculous and a bit easier to take. Still, it definitely had its share of cringe-worthy moments, including a dissolving penis and a full frontal view of half a brainless head. One very interesting aspect of the way that both this film and "Death Proof" were shot is that the film reel is deliberatly hazy and broken, often scratching up with static and occasionally even going black as a message from the Management comes up apologizing for the lost reel of film (this is used to comic effect at several points). Two highlight bad-ass moments of this film were when the character El Wray storms a zombie-infested hospital and kicks some major ass with two knives, and when the go-go dancer Cherry Darling gets equiped with an insanely powerful machinegun for a peg leg. "Planet Terror" was also filled with common midnight movie tropes used to comedic effect, including the oddly timed fate of Dakota's kid and an absolutely hilarious utopian ending. Interesting and entertaining flick overall... definitely NOT for the faint of stomach. After more funny fake trailers and a hilariously bizarre and outdated ad for Mexican food, Tarantino's "Death Proof" is next on the billing, and is the superior of the two movies. While Rodriguez goes for the complete ridiculousness of over-the-top splatterfests, Tarantino's film is a more grounded take on a serial killer/slasher movie... only instead of knives or torture devices, the killer uses a high-speed car. This original twist is only enhanced by the fact that Tarantino used real stunt cars for the film instead of CGI or other fancy action techniques, and he really pays homage to old low budget movies in this regard. "Death Proof" has a much slower pace than "Planet Terror" and fewer scenes of action... but as a result, it highlights one of Tarantino's real strengths as a director: his dialogue. One could describe it as the poetry of nonsense. Those who liked the dialogue in "Pulp Fiction" and "Jackie Brown" will feel right at home here, and will be grinning ear to ear over the brilliant choices of words and the directions that the conversations take. The extended chase scene and ass-whooping that end the film are also noteworthy, but the character interactions and the dialogue were the really top-notch aspects of the film to me. The audience gave a bigger round of applause to "Death Proof" than they did to "Planet Terror," and my sister and her friend also agreed that it was the better of the two movies overall. Score another one for Quentin Tarantino. All in all, "Grindhouse" is a very good double-bill feature and a unique cinematic experience. Two hours and thirty minutes of midnight movies can feel somewhat exhausting, particularly when its two films back-to-back, but I exited the theatre feeling like I'd seen something very different and at the same time familiar. The whole experience is like going to the theatre in a different era, and being transported back in time to an old school midnight grindhouse. Schlock perhaps... but very funny, bad-ass, and entertaining schlock never the less. Worth seeing if you don't mind some seriously nasty midnight movie gore.

Wyvern pokes at a piece of brockwurst between his teeth as he moseys into the Cabaret Room. He waves to Valdar as he spots him mulling over his latest piece of art, and digs through his sack to pull out a thin square object wrapped in shiny wrapping paper. The overgrown lizard slowly creeps up to Valdar's drawing area, not wanting to disturb any of his delicate line art or ear measurement methods. He taps Valdar on his shoulder, and begins clearing his throat as the pointy-eared artist turns his head. "*ahem*" Wyvern hands Valdar the shiny giftwrapped square with a grin. "Happy Birthday, Valdar! I gotcha some Almost Dragonic Brand Earwax Records™... perfect musssic for drawing to, especially if yer going the Picasso route. You'll need an elven turntable of some sort to play'em, but I figure you'll have these records around for whenever the opportunity arises." Wyvern pauses and twists his snout as he watches Valdar hoard the gift without unwrapping it, content with its shiny packaging. The reptilian Elder pats Valdar on the back, then glances up at a clock on the wall. "Now, if you'll excussse me, I have a chile endurance contessst I gotta attend to." Wyvern turns to leave, then pauses and reaches into his bag for something else. "Oh, and if you see Aardvark, could you give'im this 'Best of Brittany Spears' record and this sledge hammer? I'm sure he'll find some creative use for the two of'em..." ;-) OOC: An ever-so-slightly belated Happy Birthday to Valdar and Aardvark! Hope you both had good ones.

Cute poem Canid. :-) I've never attempted to master a form of calligraphy, but I imagine that it'd be a difficult task and appreciate the humility of this poem. The one line in it that felt a bit off to me was the eighth line, "uneven and poorly," as the adverb "poorly" isn't modifying a verb there and feels out of place for that reason. You might consider finding an adjective that rhymes with "me" to take its place, or simply reworking both lines of that rhyme scheme into something different. Anyway, best of luck in your pursuit of Roman Rustic (a very nice title for the poem, by the way). Here's hoping that the pen strokes will start lining up with practice. :-)

Wyvern worked his way through the Mighty Pen Courtyard, munching on two kielbasas at once and pausing at various condiment tables to squirt ketchup and relish down his throat. The overgrown lizard stopped at Merelas's grill and swung his tail towards the sausages, snatching a polish sausage on his stinger and making his stinger-sausage count 3 polish sausages, 2 italian sausages, 4 german sausages, a brockwurst and a linguica. He dragged his tail in the dirt as the weight of the sausages pulled it down. "Thanksss for th-*scarfglulp* free *urp* food Merelas!" Wyvern scratched his chin, then raised his tail to his mouth and devoured the dirty german sausage at its tip. "I got *glurp* somethin' to add to yer luncheon, actuall-*urp*. Will be back in *slobberslurp* bit." Wyvern darted off towards the Pen Keep, only to return carrying what appeared to be an iron witch's pot between his claws. The overgrown lizard set the pot onto an empty space on one of the condiment tables, then scooted a chair up to it and pulled a ladle from his tunic. He pointed towards the pot with a dastardly grin. "Need a little 'umph' for your frank? We got your Almost Dragonic Brand Dynaminferno X-tra Blaze Chile™ right here! It'sss the perfect combo of spicey red peppers, crushed cinder fairies, magma golem sweat, smoking salamander tail, liquid flame elemental, Naughty Nymph magazine (vol. 6, iss. 9), and Uncle Joe's Extra Hot Blackened Louisiana Cajun Dust®. A taste of this, and you'll be spouting flames from your nostrils in a matter of minutes. As a matter o' fact, we're gonna hossst a little contest to prove it." Wyvern snickers and sets up a sign that reads "Chile Endurance Contest" next to his seat. He points the ladle towards various pennites as he hisses. "Anyone who can go five minutesss after tasting this chile without breathing flames through their nose will get the entire pot of chile as a complimentary prize!" Wyvern sneers towards the crowd. "Only a geld for a ladel-full on your sausage of choice. And remember: any man who doesn't torture himself by tasting this product is not a REAL man... just a mere pansy! If you wanna flex your machismo, better act now before it's too late!" ;-)

The lights of the official Mighty Pen newsroom flash on as a sped-up version of the news medley begins playing in the background. Bob Suloberrin swirls in his news chair as the cameras turn in his direction. He snatches a piece of paper from his news counter and stares towards the cameras with a stern expression on his face. "We interrupt our regular programming for an urgent report." Bob reads from his sheet. "Resident Pen technicians Patrick Durham and Katzaniel have informed us that the Pen will be down briefly on Sunday, 4/8/07, for an inspectation and enhancement of magical auras, otherwise known as a board upgrade. It's estimated that the downtime will last for around half an hour to an hour, and it will probably occur some time around 3 PM US EST. Pennites should keep in mind that the board will be unavailable for a brief period of time on that date, and may want to take extra precautions with the posts they are writing then." Bob Suloberrin sets his sheet back down on the counter, only to pause as he notices a live action news box taking shape in the righthand corner of the screen. The veteran broadcaster serious expression turns to a scowl as Wyvern's ugly mug appears in the box, and he begins waving his arms and signalling to the production squad as the reptilian Elder hisses: "That'sss right folks, be sure to invesssst in Almost Dragonic Brand Glowstick Magic Aura Detection Kitsss™ prior to the enhancement of magics! And don't forget to give Valdar, Astralis, and Aardvark their proper birthday shoutsss on that day too... no protective magic auras can save'em from the embarassment of numerous well-wishesss, after a-" *cue raging static*

I really like this poem, dragonqueen. :-) I found a number of the images that you used to convey the lack of fate in people's lives very interesting, with the blank fortune cookies and the moving braille standing out to me in particular. The comparison of ourselves to "tops with no path to spin" was also very good, and the hopelessness of the situation was driven across well through the listing of descriptions and events. One aspect of this poem that I had more mixed feelings about was the tone, as the lines about God and Jesus felt casual and comic to me while the lines preceding them felt more formal and desperate. For this reason, the repetition of "out to lunch" that brought the poem to a close felt somewhat awkward to me, as I felt that the lines with a more comic tone were sort of in the minority in this poem. The repetition there is promising, so you might consider refining or expanding upon those lines in future revisions. Also, the "dirty paws" and "fuzzy" portents in the poem felt sort of random to me... was the narrator meant to be portrayed as furry in some way? I have yet to discover the reason behind the Banquet Hall's current obsession with the adjective "fuzzy"... it still strikes me as a vague piece of vocabulary with no particular feeling or emotion attached to it. Anyway, I definitely liked this poem overall dragonqueen. :-) Thank you for sharing it with us. Here's hoping that the oracle was boozing on Bruteweiser and not on Ol' Peculiar...

A lo-fi banjo melody echoes in the sound systems of screens across the Pen as the camera focus switches to a familiar pirate broadcasting HQ. Wyvern hops his way towards the table wearing a sombrero with tiny pieces of geld-shaped paper attached to it, flapping his wings back and forth and stretching his tongue into a decorative basket that he carries. The overgrown lizard leans back into his seat and reaches into the basket, removing the piece of Mini-||' that his tongue remains stuck to and setting it on the table. Wyvern gives the cameras a slanted grin. "Vwelcome, to another epitthhhode of th'Almottthhht Repore." Wyvern leans forward to give his tongue some relief, then waves a claw in the air. "Thhiiith evenin', we've got all sssortthhhs of surprithes in thtore! First, a look at th'hot intern front from yourth truly-" The sound is suddenly cut off as screens across the Pen go black. After a buzzing akin to the slow switching of radio frequencies, the cameras fade back into focus to reveal a more formal newsroom setting. Bob Suloberrin shuffles an organized bundle of papers in his hands as the cameras circle his table to a triumphant news medley. "Good evening." Bob Suloberrin smiles towards the camera. "Top of The Mighty News tonight: the notorious pirate broadcaster who has been interrupting these reports for the last few months has finally been stopped. Though the perpetrator remains at large, we have discovered the means through which he has been meddling with our regularly scheduled programming, and should be able to prevent him from doing so in the future. We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope that the pirate radio show hasn't upset too many sensitive Pen minds over the course of its duration." Bob nods towards the camera, then pulls the next piece of paper from his packet. "In further news this evening: garden gnomes across the Pen expressed their gratitude towards those who gave them a warm welcome at the closing of the Mighty Pen Garden Gnome Recreation Center yesterday. Those pennites who didn't have a chance to participate in this roll call should be happy to know that no Weenie Awards will be given out as a result of this event, but might be disheartened to hear that the Pen's garden gnome population will forever treat them with indifference for not showing up. We take you live to the scene of the Center, where garden gnomes have been reverting back to their original statued states. Kassie Kurazee with the report." A live action news box appears in the upper-righthand corner of the screen, and a wildly disheveled Kassie turns towards the camera with a microphone. She starts to speak up, only to be interrupted by a bout of static within the news box. Bob turns his chair at the sight of the static and frowns, only to stare in disbelief as the image of a sombrero-sporting Wyvern appears in the box. "Thhhhought ya could get rid of me, did ya?!" Wyvern cackles and claps his claws together. "Buy Almotht Dragonic Brand Garden Gnome Pretthhhh Kits™! Build yer own sssumoning gnome today - semi-reliable! Oh, and long as I'm on th'air, Happy B-day Tanuchan!" Bob Suloberrin jumps out of his seat just as the screens are collectively reduced to static. ;-p

Wyvern twists his snout as he carefully steps his way around Tanuchan's water energy threads, almost losing his balance as the resident Anti-Gnome and accompanying fox gnome team race by. The overgrown lizard makes his way through Mynx's still-empty fountain and hops over the giggling Minta Rose, then maneuvers past reverie's tax advice table and pauses at the middle of the recreation center clearing to catch his breath. He ignores the sushi vs. barbeque arguments that rage on nearby as he lifts a parchment to his snout. "Attention all pennites." Wyvern lifts a claw and sighs as a brawl breaks out over which gnome should get the nicer of two Victorian wigs. Wyv sighs and reaches for a nearby treebranch. "ATTENTION ALL PENNITESSS!" The crowds of the Mighty Pen Garden Gnome Recreation Center turn as Wyvern lifts Zadown's magelight from its spot on the branch for a moment, filling the courtyards with a glowing light. "I have your attention? Good." Wyvern hangs the magelight back on its original branch, and looks over the silent crowds. He turns and licks the sugar gnome quickly, then clears his throat and continues. "I would like to hereby announce that this optional roll call is now CLOSED to participation. The garden gnomesss have informed me that they've grown tired of being animated, and are now satisfied to return to their original gimmick state." Wyvern steps forward, only to find that his tongue is stuck on the sugar gnome's arm. He pulls at it a bit in the hopes of getting it unstuck as he continues. "Thank you to everyone who participated in this and made the gnomesss feel welcome here. In the hopes of coming to terms with recent demands from the Pen's full-time membership, we've decided to remove the Weenie Awards and take a different approach to the roll call. From this point forward, all Pen accounts that did not post in this roll call will immediately be deleted, along with all of their posts. Our hope is that the clean-up of inactive accounts will be finished by tommorow morning (4/2/07)." The crowds stare at Wyvern in silence as he continues tugging at his tongue. ... ... ... "April Fooooollllssss!" Wyvern laughs, only to scrunch his face in pain as he pulls at his tongue with all his might. "Naw, in all ssseriousness though, no accounts will be deleted, but I've decided to drop Weenie Awards from this roll call, along with any other roll calls that I end up hosting. I really do appreciate you all participating in it, however, and am sure that the garden gnomes have really appreciated it as well. Apologies to those who were looking forward to a Weenie roast afterwards... feel free to help yourssselves to the all-new Almost Dragonic Brand Discount Salad Bar™ instead!" Wyvern waves a claw in the direction of the relevant table. Pennites let out a collective groan over what appears to be several bowls of dead leaves painted green via Zool's nature paints. "Thanksss once a-*grunt*-gain" Wyvern grits his teeth as he stretches his tongue out even further, pulling the sugar gnome a few inches forward. "Should you ever need to sssummon one of these gnomes, simply stand in the magic circle that Ryu created and ssspeak the name of your gift thrice. The gnome most related to your gift will appear, but only once... for after a single summoning, they will return to statue-form forever, and you will not be able to summon another of the gnomes again. Here'sss a listing of'em should you ever need one of them:" --- Gnadia Mountainwater - Garden Gnome Deity of Fresh Soil. Fidelia Flower - Garden Gnome Deity of Fertilization. Meirforwitz Heftyhelm - Garden Gnome Deity of Cement Gnome Structures. Mini-||' - Sugar Gnome Guardian (created by Starlight). Luminesca Kittenears - Garden Gnome Deity of Glow-in-the-Dark Good Fortune Cats. Herboert Heckaspear - Resident Garden Gnome Anti-Scrooge Charmer Bullhead McFearsome - the Anti-Gnome (created by Canid). Dandy Thesaurus - Three-time Gnomish Trivia Champion. The Seventy Tails - Garden Gnome Foxtrot Distraction Troop (created by Daryl). Prettylips Ambrosia - Garden Gnome Deity of Relic Fashion Flamingo Mack - Garden Gnome Feather Collector. Riechter Van Sturdyborrow - Garden Gnome Lycanathropy Expert. Gnorbert Deeproots - Garden Gnome Plastic Surgeon. Shaggy - the Garden Gnome Fluff Guardian. Efferszius Tick - Garden Gnome Lifespan Errosion Timer. Twenty Bubbles - Resident Garden Gnome Trout Look-a-like. It T - the Tag-you're-It Garden Gnome. Havanother Tasty Bunches - Specialty Plastic Chef Garden Gnome Globurlorb Yeastfan - Garden Gnome Orc Diplomat (created by Norman the Runt). Gneville Greenleaves - Garden Gnome Deity of Blossoms. Sizzlemelt - the Liquid Plastic Melted Garden Gnome (accidentally created by Merelas). The Zombie of Old Ma Dofclay - Garden Gnome Haunt. --- "Thanksss again." Wyvern lets his shoulders slump and breaths out a sigh as yet another tongue-tug proves unsuccessful. "Errr... could sssomeone maybe help me with Mini-||' here? Would hate to cut his lifespan short, but I'm a lil' sssstuck..." ;-)

Wyvern dashes into the Cabaret Room with a large wooden crate clutched between his claws, which he holds on the tips of his horns for balance. The overgrown lizard scoots to a halt once he nears reverie's "poetry cafe"-style table at the far corner of the room, and freezes as reverie turns from the depths of one of his thorough poetry analyses. Wyvern bows deeply towards the Pen's resident dreamlost poet, accidentally letting the crate slide off of his horns in the process. He flinches as it lands with a crunchy splintering sound that could only be associated to the finest quality of C-grade wood. "Happy Birthday, rev." Wyvern grins towards reverie as he shoves the remains of the crate forward with his tail. "Don't wanna disturb you from your poetic pursssuits for too long, but I gotcha this Almost Dragonic Brand Wooden Meter Organizer™ in the hopes of easing the stress of writing structured poems. Made out of real meters of wood." Wyvern glances down at the remains of the crate and nudges it an inch further towards reverie, biting his scaly lip. "Of courssse, now that it's spread a bit more thin, I suppose it'd be better to save it for the more fragmented freeform stuff." Wyvern stares down at the shards of wood and frowns as he finds that several are now jutting from his feet. "That, or a simple boobytrap to ward off critics. Anyways, Happy Birthday!" ;-) OOC: A slightly belated Happy Birthday to you reverie. I know there are a bunch of people here who really appreciate the class discussions and poetry that you always share, and I always appreciate your poems and intelligent commentaries on people's works. You're also a really cool guy to hang out with in person... Here's hoping your 29th went well! :-)

Wyvern scratched his head as his tail went still, staring up at Draken and letting his jaw drop in an awkward manner. The overgrown lizard scooted one of his feet in the ground and stared for a long moment, then pulled out the Almost Dragonic Brand Akashan Draken Horn Rimmed Glasses™ and waved them in the air. "You mean assside from these glasses? Certainly!" Wyvern set the glasses on his shoulder and reached back into his sack, pulling out the Almost Dragonic Brand Draken Scale Scarf™ he had offered earlier. "Thisss Almost Dragonic Brand Draken Scale Toupee™ is the perfect wig for any balding draken. Culled from genuine draken hide, it can also be used to cover embarrasing scale wounds caused by troublesome adventures or nosey whales." Wyvern snapped a claw and reached back into his Devil's Advocate folder, pulling out yet another blank sheet of paper. "It also comesss with this fake draken hygiene test, complete with a high score marked in bright red ink! At only 600 geld, you really can't go wrong with thisss one." Wyvern waited for a response from the Draken, only to be met by silence. He snorted and quickly reached into his sack, pulling out the Almost Dragonic Brand Draken Tooth Necklace™ he had advertised at the bar. "Not a fashion buff? Then how about thisss handy Almost Dragonic Brand Spare Draken Tooth Keychain™? Avoid thossse unecessary dentist appointments with a set of spare teeth to pull out in case of mouth-related emergencies. Perfect for when you're chewing on those annoying armor-plated galleons and end up breaking a couple of fangs." Wyvern pulled another blank sheet from the Devil's Advocate. "Also comes with this set of instructionsss on how to sharpen'em. Reeeaaaalllllll easy, all you need is a narwhal horn and a bit of naga spit for polish. That's 600 geld for over six teeth... a bargain by any draken's standards!" Wyvern twiddled his claws and flashed a confident salesman grin towards Draken, only to let out a sigh upon recieving the same silent response. The reptilian Elder kneeled down to rummage through his sack of items. "Hrmph. Well, I sssuppose I still have this one-page Almost Dragonic Brand Non-Aquatic Fish Guide™ I could sell ya..." Wyvern pulled the tiny pamphlet from his sack and paused. He lifted his snout to the air for a moment and sniffed, then shot Draken a concerned glance. "Ssssay, this IS the spot where you keep those valuable possessions you were talking about, isn't it? Let'sss not forget, these horn rimmed glasses are in mid-transaction." Wyvern pulled the glasses off of his shoulder and raised them in Draken's direction. "I don't smell any geld, but a deal's a deal. Remember: the honor of your species depends upon it!"

I like this poem, Finnius. :-) The two scenes that you paint are nicely detailed and emotive, and the feeling behind the piece shines through. My favorite image of the poem is that of the narrator and his loved one blowing their "white breath at passing cars," as it touches upon a number of senses and struck me as an original observation. The only line that seems to break the flow of the poem to me is the second line of the last stanza... the syllable count of that line is a bit high compared to the other lines, though the phrasing of the line is pretty interesting. Very cool poem, Finnius. :-) Always nice to see new stuff from you.

I think that this is a nice story so far, MinimondoT. :-) Kai is a very easy character to relate to, as her college goof-ups and conflicts of interest really bring out a human side of her character that gives the reader something to sympathize with. I have hunch that this story is at least loosely based on some real life events, as the situations seem pretty realistic. The concept of the story so far seems to be a very interesting one as well, as the thought of Kai's fantasy writings coming to life sets the stage for an endless number of intriguing possibilities. I'm betting that her encounter with Mark the elf and the odd painting details are only a hint of things to come, and am looking forward to seeing where you take the story in future posts. In terms of potential things to improve in the story thus far: the weakest link in this initial post to me was the dialogue between Kai and Sam. I like the relationship of the two characters and can see how they'd play off of each other well, but the words they spoke didn't feel realistic to me given the nature of their relationship. I felt that a lot of the things they spoke to one another were things they would have already known about each other or would have been aware of, and that their conversations seemed more directed towards exposing information to the reader than showing their relationship. Dialogue can be a great way to relay information to reader, but my possible suggestion would be to try to give the dialogue a more natural feel and let the reader gradually pick up on the elements of backstory as the narrative progresses. On a different note, you might also consider drawing the reader into the scenes of the story a bit more through more detail and interaction.. I was really hoping to see a bit more of what went on with their participation in the play, for example! Anyway, I like this story so far and am looking forward to the continuation, MinimondoT. :-) Thanks for sharing it here.

Curses echo throughout the Pen as the sounds of broadcast stations across the keep are replaced by the static buzz of an old phonograph record. Beneath the crackling hiss of the record emerges a humming similar to that of an old barbershop quartet barber. A rather off-tune, almost dragonic barber... the kind that would probably give you a double-buzz cut and charge you twice for it. "Greetingssss." The images on broadcasting screens flicker and are replaced with that of Wyvern dressed in an old-school corncob cap, corncob cape, corncab horn stockings, corncob gloves, and a carnival entertainer suite that could only be described as "corny." The overgrown lizard reaches into a bucket of popcorn and shovels it into his mouth in his best Roger Ebert impression. "Welcome to the latest episode of the Almost Report. To ssstart things off, I realize that the promising prospect of a sexy intern girl to ogle has yet to materialize... but don't switch that dial folksss! The great Wyverni has other ways of keeping you interested in the news." Wyvern lets out a practiced vaudevillian laugh and pulls out two vaguely shaped pieces of wood connected to strings. The overgrown lizard begins lifting the strings and winks enthusiastically towards the cameras. "These Almost Dragonic Brand Hot Stripper Marionettes™ should do the trick." Wyvern lifts the strings and causes the pieces of wood to wobble around a little bit. The poorly glued branches and bark of the "figures" begins falling off. "Oh YEAH! Shake it baby. You know you love this, Woody." After a few minutes of marionette "dancing," Wyvern's claws get the better of the strings and the pieces of wood clatter to the ground. The Great Wyverni grumbles something under his breath about his personal message box still being open to gals up to the challenge, then reaches for the first news item sheet on his table. "Well it's a hickerdoodle of a Pen day today folks." Wyvern speaks in a sped-up hiss. "The cool cats a-razamafrazzing about and the uncool cats not knowing they ain't cool while the cute lil' kittens gettin their whoopins by the clee-hash doo-da dragonic dudes. Yipee!" Wyvern turns as a box with an image of several veteran pennites appears in the upper-righthand corner of the screen. The overgrown lizard reaches under his seat and pulls out an extremely long cane, then waves it in the direction of the news box. The cane's length is so long, however, that it passes the box entirely and stretches to an area far off-screen. Wyvern flinches as a trogylodyte scream echoes from a balcony camera area, and watches as yet another underling falls to his doom. "*Ahem* Current hot topic around the Pen is the incoming pennite vets, who've decided to suddenly return in mass. Let'sss give it up for Merelas, Justin Silverblade, Loki Wyrd, Geldrinhor, Racouol, and the many other valued members who've reappeared after extended absences. Once a pennite, always a pennite, and that's a digerdoo dandy!" Wyvern drops his cane and turns as another sheet of paper is given to him by a scaly hand off-screen. The image in the box quickly switches to that of a Café door with a broken lock. "Thisss just in: SSSSCANDAL in the Muse and Quill Café! Seemsss that the access-levels for the forums weren't what they seemed. While we wait for an official response from the guild head-honchos in this broadcast, an anonymous source is offering IOUs to any pennite who can photograph the interior of the Café prior to its doors being shut. Send photos to: Anonymous Almost Dragonic Sssource, PO Box 666, the Mighty Pen Recruiter's Office, Pen is Mightier than the Sword." With that, Wyvern tips his corncob hat and moves into an awkward tapdance as he awaits an official guildleader response via the live action news broadcast box... ;-)

I recently watched "Half Nelson" and "Blood Diamond" on DVD, and also went out to see "Pan's Labryinth" in the theatre. "Half Nelson" was not what I was expecting, but was a good film never the less. The movie is about a teacher who teaches at a school in an inner-city ghetto, and who happens to be doing a lot of drugs since his life is a mess. For some reason, I thought this film was going to be one of those "Miracle Teacher who Teaches Fabulously Under the Influence of Pot"-type comedies, but it turns out that it's a downer and is pretty much tragic front to back. The film does a good job of drawing you into the main character's addiction, which Ryan Gosling acts out very well, and also shows how teacher-student bonds are often closer than many assume. Go in prepared to watch something depressing, and you'll probably like it... It's well-executed and quite a good movie. "Blood Diamond" followed the game plan of your typical Hollywood action movie/thriller, but somehow ended up being a step above the rest. Maybe it was the way that the plot of the film kept me guessing or maybe it was the performances from Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Housoun, and Jennifer Connoley, but something about this movie held my attention and kept me entertained until the end. There was some political and social commentary sprinkled throughout, but it was presented in a pretty conventional way and wasn't one of the movie's stronger points. I really liked DiCaprio's depiction of the diamond smuggler in search of what could the mother of all diamonds, and the eventual goal of retrieving the buried diamond kept the plot progression intriguing. It's a pretty fast-paced film with more than a few dramatic Hollywood elements at work, but I found it entertaining and stuck with it till the end. Worth renting. "Pan's Labryinth" had a boatload of rave reviews behind it, both from professional film critics and pennites, so naturally my expectations for it were high. I have to say that, like Patrick, this film managed to exceed all of my expectations and really dazzled me the whole way through. Where to begin... For starters, this film was just plain gorgeous to look at the whole way through. Everything from the costume design, to the CGI effects, to the camerawork was amazing, and that alone was enough to elevate this work of art above other recent movies. It didn't end there though, as "Pan's Labryinth" also has an intriguing plot and story, wildly imaginative fantasy elements that work, strong characters, a good musical score, and an original premise that combines historical fiction with fantasy in a seamless manner. The film provided food for thought while at the same time presenting a very entertaining and original story to follow. As someone who was disenchanted by all of the "Lord of the Rings" movies (sorry LilacFlame), I can't tell you how refreshing it was to watch a fantasy film that really worked on all levels. There are no great fantasy films in my mind to judge it against, but I'd definitely say that it's one of the best incorporations of fantasy I've ever seen in a movie. My only word of warning would be that, as Patrick pointed out, the film did have several scenes of brutal violence, which were very powerful and really added to the film but which were not pleasant to behold by any means. If you can't stand a bit of squirm-in-your-seat gore, you might think twice about this one. Anyway, "Pan's Labryinth" is a fabulous film, and is without a doubt one of the best films of 2006, if not the best film of that year. It's definitely better than "Borat," but I'd have to rewatch "Inland Empire" before making any sort of statement...