Wyvern

I like this piece, mindofvividcolours. :-) It's been a while since I've seen an abstract approach to prose posted in the Assembly Room, and this little story was quite refreshing. I particularly like the ending of the story, as I think the ambivalent image of the hand brushing against the narrator leaves the reader in suspense and conveys the feelings of the narrator in the process. The cliff metaphor was also executed quite nicely throughout, especially with the narrator's knowledge that she'll survive the fall if she's pushed... I found that quite original. I think that this piece is at its best when it fully treats the situation as a metaphor, as some of the more direct moments that deal with emotions didn't grab me quite as much ("Your determinations wants to fail you" being an example).

Anyways, this is nicely done mindofvividcolours. :-) Thanks for sharing it.

Wyvern continues down the long candle-lit hall, his snout turning from side to side as he admires the elegant decor and peaceful lighting of the quarters. Framed paintings hang along the walls, mostly comprised of portraits without a single abstract coffee-stain canvas to be found. The overgrown lizard pauses and tilts his horns for a moment as he hears a faint murmer of what sounds like Tzimfemme's voice, then shakes his head and decides that it's his "Fan of Nekkid Mages" imagination running away with itself again. He takes another step forward, only to notice that there are now passageways to his left and to his right in addition to the one continuing straight ahead. Wyvern scratches his head and frowns a little.

"Uhh... Yui?" Wyvern swings his tail back and forth and glances back down the long hall with a slightly distressed look, no longer in view of the banquet quarters from whence he came. "Hrrmmm."

Wyvern snorts to himself and then perks up, pulling out a handy-dandy Almost Dragonic Brand Directional Arrow Coin Compass™. The item essentially amounts to a copper piece with an arrow pointed to the right etched on one side and an arrow pointed to the left etched on the other. Wyvern flips the coin into the air, then catches it and decides to make a turn to the left.

Wyvern hums to himself happily and glances about as he marches down the new corridor, his enthusiasm rejuvenated under the guidance of his special Compass. His humming gradually slows as he passes by a staircase leading downwards and several doors, and his frown of distress has returned by the time he reaches a dead end with an open door on the right.

"Hmmmm."

Wyvern flips the Almost Dragonic Brand Directional Arrow Coin Compass™ once again and frantically decides to go the left, walking straight into the wall at a rather painful speed. The lizard grumbles to himself and raises a claw to his aching snout, then decides to turn towards the door on the right. He wanders into a gorgeous bedroom, with cozy library shelves lining the walls and a pricey-looking four-poster bed with fine silk curtains.

"Yui...?" Wyvern frowns and bites his lip, decidedly lost. He spots a tall door that's slightly ajar at the far end of the room and heads over to test it out, letting it creak open and staring into what appears to be darkness inside. Wyvern hesitates for a moment, then lets his curiousity get the best of him and slowly steps in, shutting the door behind himself as an act of courtesy. The overgrown lizard fumbles around in the darkness, touching what feels like delicate hanging fabrics and an occasional soft item on the floor. Wyvern turns back to exit the "room" when he learns that it's a closed space, only to find that the door he had come in through no longer opens.

"Uh oh."

Wyvern tries the doorknob again to no avail. He taps at it and tries tinkering with it, panic slowly settling in. He grits his teeth, crosses his claws, and starts thinking happy Tzimfemme thoughts...

"Greetingsss, one and all." Wyvern steps into the Banquet Hall wearing a plaid sports jacket that's too small for his scales, along with a fake set of wire rim glasses. "In order to fulfill the third clause in my bargain with Silver Wind, I shall now perform an almost dragonic response to her poem 'Opal Eyes.' Pleassse be seated to observe a master analyst at work."

Wyvern claps his claws twice, and two lizardmen step in from a side door, pushing a rickety projector. They shove the projector next to Wyvern, then disperse as the reptilian Elder whistles and waves a claw in the air. Wyvern grins to the Banquet Hall audience, then flips on the projector so that it displays the first stanza of Silver Wind's poem.

"Now..." Wyvern raises a gnarled stick as a pointer and points towards the vines of the first line. "As you can see, here we have some vines that choke, some thorns that bleed hearts, a bit o' the ol' poison, and a couple o' extra veins on the side. First thing one might think is 'this is some good imagery,' and they'd be right. But look clossser, and there's more here than meets the eye. You see, when you put the vines, the thorns, the bleeding heart, and the poison together, you get what could potentially be a great advertisement for a film... a preview for a multi-million geld blockbuster horror movie, entitled 'Attack of the Heart-Eating Thorny Poison Plants.' Throw in those extra veins on the side, and you can bet that the gore buffs will flock to see the feature presssentation. The poem gains sponsorship possibilities in this way, which increases its value and net worth as a poem."

Wyvern clicks on the front of the projector, switching the image to a slide that shows the second stanza.

"Moving right along, we see that in the second stanza, dragon's breath is referenced in a negative light. The breath comes out 'slowly' and is 'tarnishing' thingsss in general. Now, notice how after the breath is detailed, a certain 'truth is sought' in the brambles. This is a perfect example of a well-executed poetic advertising technique known as 'playing off of people's insecurity,' and is also a genius moment of subliminal advertising. After reading this poem, I'm certain that many dragons will go out and purchase Almost Dragonic Brand Minty Bramble Patch Balls™ in the hopesss of curing their bad breath. Bravo, Silver Wind, for the excellent poetic touch!"

Wyvern clicks on the projector again, and nothing happens. He grumbles and shakes the projector until it displays an image of the third stanza of the poem.

"In this third stanza, the reader is deliberately scolded in a powerful advertising technique made to rope people into attending the 'night of the raven' Summer party jam. According to the poem, thossse who don't attend the event are basssically letting their souls get swallowed up by a 'dreamscape' and ain't saying nothing relevant (hence the 'word of silence'). I only wish more info was given on the 'night of the raven' so that all the cool kids could get in attendence pronto, myssself included. Anyway, thisss stanza ultimately increassses the marketability of the poem by associating it to a popular event. And as we all know: marketability equals profitability equals better poem. It'sss the oldest equation in the book."

Wyvern rattles the projector again, and continues shaking until several screws fall loose and it begins projecting an image of the fourth stanza.

"Oh my, this is excellent." Wyvern traces his gnarled stick down the lines of the stanza. "Excellent indeed. In this final stanza, a hip new marketable trend is placed on display for the gullible youth to buy into. This 'graveyard dance' trend is bound to make a profit of thousands of geld in funeral CDs and Almost Dragonic Brand Light Tombstone Dancing Shoes™. And notice how 'Raven Moon' isss capitalized to indicate product placement... Associating the 'graveyard dance' to 'Raven Moon' products isss a very wise decision, as it'll give the dance some credibility from the get-go and will also profit off of a healthy business relationship with 'Raven Moon.' You really outdid yourssself with this one, Silver Wind. A fine piece of work!"

The projector breaks down as Wyvern lowers his stick and turns to the audience with a grin.

"And so, in conclusion, 'Opal Eyes' is a great piece of work that measures in the multi-thousand geld value range. Even the title of the poem implies expensive material objects. I give this poem two claws up, and look forward to seeing what kind of profits it ultimately pulls in."

;-)

Wyvern stares, immobile and speechless, his eyes gaping too wide for comfort and his jaw dropped open with his forked tongue hanging loose. Silver Wind taps her feet on the ground impatiently as she waits for a response, absorbing the overgrown lizard's silence. She twists her nose and frowns when she notices the large pool of drool that rests at the reptilian Elder's feet, then clears her throat for a moment and speaks up.

"Errr... So, I take it that these will suffice?"

Wyvern's head slowly creaks to the side so that its fully facing Silver Wind, his jaw still agape and his tongue still hanging low. The overgrown lizard lifts a claw to respond, but only manages to weeze out a meager smoke ring.

"Riiight." Silver Wind rolls her eyes and frowns. "Well listen Wyvern, I really am exhausted from all of this, so if you don't want these I'll just-"

"WAIT! Gimme gimme gimme gimme!!!" Wyvern suddenly snaps back into motion and barges over to Silver Wind with reckless abandon. He snatches the photos from her hand and begins slobbering uncontrollably, his eyes welling with delight as he looks them over. He stuffs the photos into his pouch, then gets on his hands and knees and begins groveling at Silver Wind's feet. "Thessse... picsss... are... MAGNIFICENT! Wow, oh wow. WOW. Thank you ssssooooooo much! Thessse photos are amazing quality. Sssimply amazing."

Silver Wind flinches and moves her feet a bit, figuring her boots are dirty enough from the muck and mire of the lagoon as it is. She doesn't move them too far, though, as she doesn't want to prevent the giant lizard from sucking up to her.

"I mean it, thessse photos are seriously professsional quality - they're up there with some of Naughty Nymph's finest! Amazing that you got her in such an exotic variety of uniforms and poses uninvited, musta taken a lotta patience and some very careful camera work on yer part. And they're so clear. 'Fitsss into my collection' is an underssstatement! Thisss is one o' the best deals I've made in a while, picsss like these make me appreciate photography as an art. And a scorching hot art, at that!"

"Uhhh..." Silver Wind stares up at the ceiling in a nonchalant manner and blushes a bit in spite of herself. "Well, thanks."

Wyvern pauses for a moment, then ceases his groveling and scrambles back onto his two feet. He clears his throat of a few ashes and dusts himself off in a professional business-like manner, lowering one of his wings in front of himself to hide the bulge of a certain "third horn." He grins towards Silver Wind and extends a claw.

"*Ahem* That isss, yes, these photos will do just fine." Wyvern shakes Silver Wind's hand with a grin. "And this will not be the last time the two of us do bussssiness, I hope. It's great to have a talented photographer in the midsts of the Pen... perhaps we could consider starting a blackmail operation at some point?"

Wyvern winks to Silver Wind, then shifts his tail and scurries off the fulfill the remaining part of his side of the bargain...

Very nice poem, Silver Wind. :-) I really like the menacing plant imagery you use throughout it in describing the cursed queen, as it gives her a very ancient and tortured feel. I particularly like the slippers of ivy, the bed of dead leaves and brambles, and the vines and thorns that hold her down. "Blooms" is also a cool verb to describe the queen's nightly hauntings with, and the poison tears are a nice touch. The only choice of words that irks me a bit is "marker" in the fifth stanza, as I think that "mark" might work a little smoother and clearer there.

Very well done once again, Silver Wind. :-) Thanks for sharing this.

Wyvern glances down at the magazines still gathered at his feet and considers searching through them for pics of the Cursed Queen, but notes her withered and bloody state and decides against it...

"I sssseee." Wyvern grins a grin of razor-sharp teeth, then carefully plucks the photos out of Silver Wind's hands. He shuffles the pics in his claws while his beady eyes focus on Silver Wind's rather dirty garments. "Yeesh, looksss like you had to face an obstable or two huh? I'm officially curious... what did you have to go through to get thessse photographs taken?"

Wyvern bites his lip as he refrains from looking down at the pics, his sense of bargaining overcoming his perversion in a rare moment of self-control.

"Y'know, I'm gonna need a brief description of what sorta pics these are before I can call it a deal." Wyvern sticks his snout up as Silver Wind droops her shoulders and stares towards him with tired eyes. "Doesssn't have to be anything super-elaborate, but I need to hear what sort of poses/expressions/dresses(if ANY dresses!) you caught thisss Midnight Witch babe in before I can accept'em. I also need to know if you caught any clear shots of her eyes, and a lil' physical description wouldn't hurt. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a thousand words from a photographer can make the picture all the more valuable!"

Wyvern crosses his scaly arms and sneers in Silver Wind's direction, raising the three photos.

"You describe thessse pics and tell me what it took to get'em, and I'LL decide if they compliment my little collection. I gotsss standards, ya know!"

The news cameras pull a 360 over a circular room, catching brief glimpses of a long window and several bookshelves before focusing in on Wyvern. The almost dragonic host sits on a large brown couch tucked away in the center of the room, surrounded by animals of various shapes and sizes. He hisses and struggles as a Somali cat sharpens its claws on his leg while a beagle jumps up and down in front of him. He mutters a string of curses as a Siberian husky continues barking at him and grits his teeth at the incessant chattering of the talking ferret in the background.

"Greetingssss unfaithful viewers, and welcome to another episode of the Almost Report." Wyvern shoves a Siamese cat to the side with one of his feet and clears his throat of a few ashes. "This evening, we take you live to an exclusive first look at Sora Hikari's personal quarters. Sora was kind enough to give me an exclusive first tour of her rooms via PM, ssso it's only natural that we use the space to our advantage. We here at the Almost Report encourage Sora Hikari and others to share the exact details of their quarters within the Many Rooms of the Pen Keep Catalog, which everyone should now be able to contribute to. We ssstill encourage Honored Guests to submit Pen applications to the Recruiter's Office as well, of course."

Wyvern hops out of his seat and steps on the Siamese cat's tail by accident, evoking a yowl that could probably be heard by Sora Hikari miles away. The overgrown lizard grits his teeth and raises his claws apologetically, then tosses an Almost Dragonic Brand Blunt Pin Cushion Ball™ to distract the playful beagle. He lifts his microphone device closer to his snout as the Siberian husky begins barking even louder while the ferret begins complaining about how the Siamese cat's tail is very sensitive.

"*Ahem* Not much elssse to report on the news front this evening." Wyvern frowns and sighs when the beagle brings back his Almost Dragonic Brand Blunt Pin Cushion Ball™ without the least bit of difficulty. "If yer searching for events to interact with other pennitesss in, you can grab some nice food at Yui-chan's B-day Party, guzzle a drink at the Mighty Pen Beerkeg Boxcar Derby, and contribute to purple fuzzy hissstory in Canid's Plague Account. And if pennite interactions ain't yer ssstyle, there's always the furry fan fictional Werewolf phenomenon to keep track of."

Wyvern freezes up as the noise of the room comes to a sudden standstill, triggered by the sound of footsteps ascending the staircases below. The overgrown lizard bites his lip and glances in both directions, listening to the clanging that echoes from the ladder below the room's entrance.

"Well, that'ssss it for this evening folksss." Wyvern lifts a claw to his horns in a villainous salute, then races to a door located at the end of a long bookshelf. "Until next week..."

Wyvern opens the door and races out with a triumphant cackle, only to find himself in freefall as the door leads directly to the thin air outside of the tall tower's walls. The overgrown lizard screams at the top of his lungs and begins flapping his wings in a frenzy, only to find his fall cut short as his tail stinger hooks onto the edge of Sora Hikari's carpet. The reptilian Elder's eyes bug out, however, when he notices that his weight is slowly testing the strength of the carpet fibers...

"Haaaaaallllllllllllpppp!"

"Exxxcccceeelllent." Wyvern strikes a toothy grin and pats Silver Wind on the back. He wraps the single geld in the Almost Dragonic Product gift certificate and slides it into Silver Wind's pocket with a hiss. "The almost dragonic 'Opal Eyes' resssponse will come once you've fulfilled you're ssside of the bargain. Consssider yourself lucky - I rarely offer advances."

With that, Wyvern rubs his claws together and begins gathering up his messy piles of Naughty Nymph magazines.

"Lookin' forward to the acquisition. I'm here if ya need me!"

The King Who Lost It Because of a Stubborn Child Who Never Listened to His Mother!

Oh please, do sit. Have a cup of tea. Would you like a cough drop or a nice dry rice cake with that? Are you sure? My servant, Mercucio, could fetch for it for you lickety-split. I'd tend to it myself, if I was still one for labor. Oh Age! Pfah! You know, yes? Good, good. Now don't you worry, you sit right on that chair, it won't break. It held little Alonzo for 15 years, and he was twice your weight even as a babe. Deary me, you are mannered. Sit a spell, keep this old woman company. I'll spin a yarn for you. This yarn. Oh, don't worry. I'm also going to tell you that story I promised you.

What really happened to Hallesani? Well, it all started when young Alonzo was born. Oh I knew that Alonzo was a bad name for him, but no, Alex insisted that we name him after that damn puppet. You see, Alex was always very fond of the Reirmaeker's puppet show, which was sometimes held in the Hallesani marketplace. Every half moon I think it was. Anyhow, there was a puppet on the show named Alonzo. He was a jester who was always shown as a lazy irresponsible slob that never cared a lick for anyone other than himself. Alex adored his antics, and so he decided that we should name our son after him. I proposed Harry, of course, but the Prince of Hallesani always had the last word in these matters.

Oh the other kids, they always teased poor Alonzo for his name. It came to the point where Alonzo decided he wanted to be home-schooled instead of dealing with them. We tried our best to give him a great education. We even called in some of Hallesani's top scholars, including Mariett Fiorren the mathematician and Fjordan something-or-other, I forget his last name. He was a big name when it came to poetry, though. Anyway, Alonzo would just skip his classes by playing hide-and-go-seek with the professors. I scolded him and said "Alonzo, if you don't attend your classes, you're going to become a spoiled brat," but did he listen to his poor old mother? No. I came to his bed at night to change his sheets, since he always used to wet the bed, and I said "Alonzo, it's time you were potty trained." But did he listen to his dear old mother as she pleaded with him? No. That was the start of the matter, really. He should have been potty trained at a MUCH earlier age. He should have listened to me more, and should have always come to me for advice. All the good little boys and girls know that mother's always right.

Anyway, the Reirmaeker's puppet show grew in popularity thanks to the jester Alonzo character, and the show spread nationwide. It was so widely-respected and successful that the countries surrounding Hallesani decided to all make a peace treaty alliance amongst themselves in honor of the brilliant show. They wanted Alex's father, King Eilence Halles, to sign the treaty and join them in an alliance that would make all of the nations at piece for all eternity. And King Eilence, always noble in his ways, was planning on signing it. But Alonzo heard about the treaty and the way it was based on the Reirmaeker puppet show, and he threw the biggest fit I've seen in all my days. He kicked and screamed night and day, tried to starve himself, and locked himself in his room. It got so bad that Alex had to plead with his father to not sign the treaty so that Alonzo would stop. And that's why Hallesani ended up not being included in the alliance.

As if that weren't enough, Alonzo began to grow bored with the view from his window. He demanded that the entire kingdom be moved into the air so that he could have a better view of the other continents. We all knew that it would be a social disaster to do any such thing, but Alonzo got his way when he threw the tantrum of the century. He continued wailing until Alex begged Eilence to hire magicians to move the kingdom to the sky. But even then, Alonzo wasn't satisfied. He was bitter over the Reirmaeker's puppet show, and wanted to invade the other countries to kidnap their entertainment so that he could have something to watch. We all tried our best to do as he pleased, but the other countries protected their entertainment with great force. Eventually, Alonzo's wailing became so great and continuous that it drove King Eilence and the rest of Hallesani insane. Except for me, of course - I always wear my earplugs.

Alonzo thinks he's the last living survivor... Well next time you see him, give him a proper scolding for me! He never comes to see his mother, even after all that time I spent spoiling him. Hmph! He thinks himself an old man you say? Hah! He's still only a child. Try my age on for size, ya little whippersnapper!

Marie Siorenna Halles

Widow of the late Prince Alexander Halles

Mother of Alonzo Lassenia Halles.

This evening, I saw Pharoahe Monch live at a free in-store performance at Amoeba Records in Berkeley.

I somehow managed to time my walk to Amoeba incorrectly for once, and ended up arriving at the store about 15 minutes after the show was scheduled to begin... not a good thing, given the brevity of free in-stores in general. Fortunately, I wasn't too late to witness Pharoahe Monch's performance. Unfortunately, I did miss the beginning of his set and the place was packed by the time I got there, so I had to view it from a distance for a change and didn't end up with any good pics. Anyway, Pharoahe Monch is pretty legendary for his skills as an MC, so it wasn't really any surprise that the spot was super-crowded. He performed with a live band called The Push and two soul singers backing him up, and did some lively tracks from his new album and then his infamous club banger "Simon Says" to wrap things up. Monch wasn't as heated or energetic with his rapping as I expected him to be live, but his voice and skill on the mic are still pretty undeniable and the man's got a very good singing voice as well... there's a lot of soul interjected into his newer tracks. It was a pretty nice little performance, made nicer by the fact that Monch's old partner in rhyme Prince Po happened to be present outside the venue - I said hi and shook his hand and he complimented me on my T-shirt.

"Hmmm, I sssee." Wyvern twists his snout and raises a claw to his chin, contemplating Silver Wind's words. "Hard ball, isss it? Very well then, allow me to add a few things to my offer."

With a great deal of labor and pain, the overgrown lizard manages to open his tiny geld pouch. He bites his lip as he pulls a single geld from it, raising a claw to his eyes and turning his head as he passes it in Silver Wind's direction.

"I'm gonna offer ya *sob* a single geld, a 60 geld gift certificate for Almost Dragonic Brand Products, and an I.O.U for an almost dragonic response to yer 'Opal Eyes' piece." Wyvern whimpers a little, then turns his head back to Silver Wind with a serious look. "But for these, I expect no fewer than three picturesss, and they better be hot! I'm trussstin' yer judgement when it comes to this 'invokes desire' stuff."

Silver Wind raises a brow at Wyvern and examines his scaly face.

"But are ye sure you're ready to handle it?"

Wyvern glances back at Silver Wind with a look that borders on confusion, then snorts and raises a claw to his chest in an instance of almost dragonic bravado.

"Honey, I gotsss naughty pictures of succubi from Satan's Sockdrawer itself, not to mention plenty of practice staring at Tzimfemme nekkid. I'm prepared fer whatever lasciviousness you might toss in my direction." Wyvern lets his forked tongue roll from his mouth and wipes a bit of drool from his chin. "Now, can you get me some pics of this babe?! The anticipation'sss killin' me here!"

So, I ended up seeing the "Simpsons Movie" in theatres today... not overly impressed. I think that Mynx's synopsis of it is pretty accurate, except I haven't been a huge fan of the more recent "Simpsons" seasons and it definitely dragged at points for me. I felt like there was too much of an emphasis on slapstick action and not enough on clever dialogue and parodies. I didn't go into the movie with huge expectations, but still felt a little let down by it. Mynx is right that it's something you can wait for on DVD if you're planning on seeing it. Having said this, the film did have a few standout hilarious moments, with my personal favorites being the bomb-deactivating robot and the Fox advertisement parody. Strictly a decent movie though... possibly even a little below average.

I also forgot to mention that I went out to see "Sicko" about a month ago. In retrospect, it was an O.K documentary that made some pretty nice points. Michael Moore's hokey style and approach have decidedly worn thin on me, however, and I didn't find it all that memorable a flick. There were some funny and tragic moments that touched upon US health insurance, and Moore taking the 9/11 workers to Cuba was cool, but for some reason the story about the "I Hate Michael Moore" website stood out to me the most. Moore's objective propaganda-esque reportings are still in full effect in this... there were moments in his coverage of Paris where the inaccuracies made me cringe. Still, it's not that bad a documentary. If you like Michael Moore's previous work, there's a good chance you'll dig this one as well.

Wyvern continues to stare in Silver Wind's direction, his eyes growing wider in an attempt to achieve kawaii anime proportions. The overgrown lizard lets his lower lip tremble and takes out his Fake Tear Tissue, dabbing his eyes with a few wet crocodile drops. He then takes a long step forward and leans over to Silver Wind, sniffling to himself and raising a claw to his snout.

"Ssseems I've come up a bit short in terms of Midnight Witch stuff." Wyvern scoots the smut mags he'd been leafing through to the side with his tail. He takes a moment to glance in both directions, then licks his lips and whispers into Silver Wind's ear. "I don't sss'pose you might have any pics o' this chick, preferably ones involving nudity or scant amounts of clothing? I wouldn't mind a couple for my ever-expanding collection, if ya catch my drift..."

Wyvern winks and slides a piece of paper to Silver Wind under one of his claws.

"I'd be willin' to trade ya a solid 50 gelds worth of Almost Dragonic products in exchange for a pic or two." Wyvern narrows his beady eyes and sneers. "Go on, take the ssslip... I know you have access to them Midnight Witch-related archivesss."

;-)

Nice poem, Silver Wind. :-) I like how you describe the midnight witch in a way that mingles her evil with a sense of temptation, as it makes her particular brand of darkness all the more intriguing. I especially like the lines about how the fruit that she offers is "always forbidden" and how her "rose red lips" always speak lies, as both of these points emphasized the charm on the surface of her evil. In terms of possible things to improve in future revisions, the use of the word "ridden" in the second stanza felt somewhat awkward in the context of its line, and there were one or two points where the rhythms of the lines didn't do justice to the rhyme scheme. Still, this is very nicely done overall Silver Wind. :-) It's great to see your poetry on the boards.

With that, Wyvern licks his lips at the thought of the Midnight Witch and begins digging through old issues of Naughty Nymph Magazine in the hopes of finding a centerfold of the temptress in question. Seven volumes, 43 issues, two "barely legal ear" specials later, and still no sign of the Witch notorious for "lighting her fire" within. Wyvern lets out a frustrated whimper and turns to Silver Wind with a hopeful expression in his beady eyes...

Wyvern slithers his way into the Cabaret Room and raises a bullhorn to his snout.

"I'm guessssin' that folks were already aware of the deadline date, but this is just a heads up to let everyone know that submissionsss to the Mighty Pen "Narratives" are now officially CLOSED. Didn't really receive as many submissions as I was hoping for, but assss I mentioned earlier, I still have enough to twist together a nice compilation. A big thanksss to everyone who submitted a selection of tracks, regardless of whether they end up on the final mix or not. I'll be PMin' sssome of you soon. Everyone should be on the lookout for the finalized "Narratives" compilation at sssome point in September."

With that, Wyvern drops the bullhorn and sets about setting a proper add campaign involving Almost Dragonic Brand Carpet Chalk™ (not enough air time in these wings for flyers, I'm afraid)

Last night, I went and saw "We Book Our Own Tour" featuring 2Mex, Existereo, Life Rexall, Dead Rap Kids, and the Jazz Mafia Trio at Bruno's in San Francisco.

I'd never been to Bruno's before. It was a tiny and intimate location, with what felt like a small hallway with a bar on the side and a stage at the end of it. I think the spot got pretty packed by the time the evening was over, though that isn't saying much given the size of the place. Still, the personal feel of the venue was refreshing and it was definitely right up my alley.

The show started off with a group called the Dead Rap Kids, which was comprised of MC Dublin and DJ Aspect McCarthy. I hadn't heard of them before and was kind of anticipating the worst when they stepped on stage, but they surprised me with a very good set of quality tracks. Dublin touched upon quite a few interesting topics, including the use of disintegration ray guns in the White House, and Aspect McCarthy seemed like a pretty talented DJ with some nice beats and cuts. They definitely fall into the realm of nerd rap, but still had their fair share of hype tracks to groove out to. Nice performance.

Life Rexall and Existereo stepped onto the stage to perform a collaborative set once Dead Rap Kids had finished. They joked between themselves a bit and took turns performing tracks. Existereo was one of the main reasons I went out to see the show, as the last time I saw him live he was amazing and he's released some excellent material to boot. Anyway, he killed it once again with some seriously impressive stylistic fast rap, with verses so intricate and energetic that they verged on "mindboggling" at times. What's funny is that Existereo's verses were so fast that Life Rexall ultimately ended up getting a lot more mic time, and while Rexall put on a solid performance, his style kind of paled in comparison next to Existereo's. I think I may have liked Rexall a bit more when I saw him perform with the entire Shapeshifters crew back in December '06, since his traditional style of hip hop balanced out the madmen in the Shapeshifters nicely. Anyway, Life Rexall and Existereo still put on a great set that was worth the price of admission.

Next in the line-up was the biggest name on the bill, 2Mex. I'd previously seen 2Mex kick a few quick verses live with the Visionaries at Rasputins, but had never seen him perform a full solo set live. I'm a fan of a good deal of 2Mex's material, and his solo set didn't disappoint. Life Rexall stuck around the stage to act as 2Mex's hypeman and perform a few verses with him, and they put on a set of memorable lyrics and dance-able tracks. 2Mex complimented Rexall's style better than Existereo, though Rexall's verses were still less impressive than 2Mex's. A few highlights of their set were the performance of "Green Grass" (hype!) and 2Mex's acapellas near the end, which referenced everything from Southpark to the iPod Generation. They even performed over some new wave and classic pop rock tracks, which were very entertaining and big crowd-pleasers. A very well-performed and memorable set overall.

Oddly enough, the Jazz Mafia Trio took the stage after 2Mex to perform a set. Talk about the wrong order of performances! No disrespect to the Jazz Mafia Trio or the many rappers who came out to freestyle during their set, as they were quite a nice act and provided some nice musical stylings with a live jazz trio and some decent rapping. I'd never heard of them before though, and apparently neither had most of the people attending the show since a good 80% of the crowd didn't stick around for their performance. Anyway, they weren't bad but didn't really live up to the standards set by 2Mex or Existereo.

Very good show overall. It ended at around 1:30 AM... one 18 block walk and a late Oakland Owl bus, and I was home as early as 4:50 AM. x_x

Wyvern continues to gobble up platters at the banquet table as more of his troglyodyte news crew file in through the Cabaret shadows. The overgrown lizard pays no attention to the way that the troglyodytes fade into the dining room, preferring instead to focus on finding an accessible way to fit a duck leg, two drumlets, a pork roast, five potatoes, a cob of corn and an extra large bowl of soup into his mouth at once.

"Tassste's better than the carpet, that's fer sure!" Wyvern slurps up another helping of cheese raviolis while calculating a strategy to fit the pieces of food into a compact square. A troglyodyte wardrobe assistant passes by and hands Wyvern his uniform of choice for the occasion: a Hawaiian bib and horn lay combo. The overgrown lizard gloats over his food stash for a moment, then perks up his head as something occurs to him. "Sssssay, could one of you underlings look for my giftsss to Yui? I seem to have misplaced'em. Oh, and bring Lord Panther over here for a second would ya?"

Wyvern begins stacking curly onion cheese doodles in a castle formation on his plate to kill time. He turns his head and adjusts the lay on his horns when a troglyodyte shows up with Lord Panther.

"Lord Panther, great to see ya." Wyvern motions with a claw for Panther to sit, but the feline pennite chooses to stand when he notices the rather overwhelming amount of food on Wyvern's plate. "So, I ran the report off that info ya quickly passsed me... Are you sure these are Yui and Aegon's new quarters?"

"Positive." Lord Panther scratches at an itch behind one of his ears. "In fact, I just wished Yui a Happy Birthday in person."

"You did?!" Wyvern pounces out of his seat and raises his claws to his snout to hide a short squeal of excitement. His anticipation still shines through in the way his wings flap back and forth in spite of himself. "It'sss been far too long since I last spoke to Ms. Temae. The giftsss can wait, I'm gonna go wish her well this instant! Thanks for the tip Panther."

"No problem Wyv." Panther watches as Wyvern darts out of the banquet area and races down a long hall lit by candles to the left. He frowns and calls after Wyvern, raising a paw and pointing it in the opposite direction in vain. "Uhhh, except... Yui-chan is that-a-way."

The news cameras tune in to a long shot of a banquet table loaded with all sorts of goodies - elegant roasts, leg of lamb, potatoes (baked, mashed, and fried), giant caesar salad, duck confit, thick vegetable soup and an odd jar of mint sauce to name only a few of the items on display. A platter of curly onion cheese doodles (voted "Preferred Snack Food of the Almost Report, 2007") has been pulled to the far end of the table, where Wyvern hogs dishes voraciously in large scoops and snout dips. The reptilian Elder guzzles another bowl of soup and stuffs his mouth full of pork nuggets, then snorts and lifts his head as he eyes the news cameras.

"Go-*gulp*-od evening, welcome to another Almost Report." Wyvern pauses for a moment and hits his chest twice, belching a short spurt of flame that turns the medium rare chicken platter well done. "Tonight, we take you live to what is reported to be the mysssterious new quarters of Yui and Aegon, where Yui-chan has reportedly invited pennites to celebrate her birthday with a little party. I ended up here without the use of a map, but Lord Panther reports to me that a sign with directions to the party can be found in the Cabaret Room. Pleassse come down and celebrate one of the most esteemed and ressspected members of the Pen. Happy Birthday, Yui-chan!"

Wyvern grins and leans back in his comfortable banquet seat, taking a moment to marvel at the banquet quarters surrounding him. They were much larger and better-furnished than Wyvern remembered Yui's previous quarters being, yet the dim lighting of the room had a very soothing and tranquil quality to it. A large chandelier made of only sparkling magical light hung above the table and cast its rays down upon the various appetizing dishes. Across the walls of the chamber, dancing shadows occasionally curve their ways through corners of light. Wyvern shakes his head and turns to a news sheet in his claws before his eyes can become too mesmerized by the details.

"In further newsss: do you have a tall tale that needsss tellin'? If you do, pleassse drop on by the Assembly Room and visit Sora Hikari's space for Lost Tale telling. We're expecting all sssorts of exotic Pen visitors from the event, including a number of potentially gullible consumers." Wyvern glances in both directions, then leans into the banquet table and raises a claw to his snout. "Don't forget that Lost Tales of Wyvern's successful schemesss and womanizing could count for the event as well. *ahem!*"

Wyvern turns his head as a gentle spot of light flickers by his snout like a will-o-wisp. He follows the path of the light with his eyes as it bounces to the Dreamer and begins to float over to Lord Panther, amazed by the grace (and potential marketability) of the dots movements. Wyvern then clears his throat of a few ashes and turns towards his news sheet again.

"To wrap up this evening's news segment, the Almost Report would like to unofficially welcome mindofvividcolors to the halls of the Pen. Feel free to check out her work in the Banquet Hall and be sure to give her a warm pennite welcome if ya get a chance. Note: proper warm pennite welcomes do not involve warnings against the use of Almost Dragonic Brand products, HINT HINT."

With that, the news cameras flicker off as the cameramen begin mingling with the others attending Yui's party...

Very nicely done, mindofvividcolors. :-) I really like your vivid descriptions and the manner that you bring the various elements of rain to life through poetic techniques. You paint a very detailed and clear picture of rainfall from an office window, but do so in a way that makes it feel like more than just a common occurrence. I really like the progression from "speckles" to "tears" to a "glittering gift," though the personification of the "window's sadness" in the tear stanza felt a bit awkward to me... possibly because the personification of nature like clouds and rain felt more genuine to me than the personification of an inanimate object like a window.

Anyway, this is very well done mindofvividcolors. :-) Thanks for sharing it here, and welcome to the Pen! I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

Several pennites lounging in the Cabaret Room tilt their heads and raise their brows as Wyvern barges in, carrying what appears to be a large sun umbrella in one claw and pulling an even larger cart with the other. The contents of the cart are hidden under a massive Almost Dragonic Brand Product Promotional Tee™, which stretches all the way to the floor and occasionally gets caught in the cart’s wheels. Wyvern grins to himself as part of the huge T-shirt gets stuck in the spokes again, pausing and kneeling with a deliberate laziness so that everyone in the Cabaret can see the add for Almost Dragonic Brand Medium-Quality Orcish Wheel Spokes™ that the T-shirt happens to display. Once Wyvern has removed the stretchy fabric from the spokes, he pulls the cart a couple more feet and parks it at the center of the room. The overgrown lizard then lifts the sun umbrella and bangs its pole into the ground, tearing a hole in the expensive Cabaret carpet and grounding it into the even-more-expensive Cabaret floor tiling. Given the position of the lighting in the room, the sun umbrella casts a long shadow across the chamber, stretching all the way to Degorram and interrupting her in the middle of a sunbath.

“I sss’pose this spotsss as good as any.”

Wyvern sits cross-legged under the sun umbrella, facing the tip of the shadow. He kneels forward and lowers his snout as far down to the shaded carpet as he can manage.

“Yui-chan, I know you can hear me through the planar void…” Wyvern smiles and taps the shadowed carpet affectionately with a claw. “I jussst wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday, and really hope that you’ve been doing well. Who knowsss what kinds of obstacles those heated planes have been tossin’ in yer direction… I’m sure you’ll persssevere and overcome’em. Anyway, you’re alwaysss on my thoughts, and I’m sure there’re many other pennites who feel the same way.”

Wyvern stretches his wings and hops up from the ground, turning to his cloaked cart. He tilts his head back towards the shadow as he begins tugging at the Almost Dragonic Brand Product Promotional Tee™.

“I got ya a little thing or two here. Not sure if y-“

Wyvern fumbles and curses as the huge Promotional Tee comes tumbling down on him, causing him to slip and tangling him from head to toe. The overgrown lizard hisses obscenities and wrestles with the stretchy fabric until he finally tears a hole through the spoke advertisement image using his horns. The lizard pants and slunches his shoulders for a moment to catch his breath, then wipes the sweat from his scaly brow and turns towards the unveiled cart.

“Anyway, there’sss this little cake I tried baking for you at Celes Crusador’s Café. I think it turned out pretty well.” Wyvern sets the small personal pastry down next to the shadow, chocolate flamed and relatively round. The words “Hapy Brthday Yui! Lusent 4evr” are written on the top with whipped cream in an unmistakable almost dragonic scawl. “I gave it a test-licking and was satisssfied with it. Just don’t get a stomach ache over it if ya don’t like it or anything.”

With that, Wyvern turns back to his cart and pulls what appears to be a thin black blotch from the storage area. He lays the odd item down next to the cake with a grin.

“I alssso got you this miniature Shade Palette to compliment those magic brushes that Daryl got ya last year.” Wyvern squints and points at various sections of the palette. “It’s supposed to feature the colorsss ‘Dark, Darker, Darkerer, Darkest, and Pitch Black.’ Ya should be able to turn normal shadows into shady works of art with a little dab of this ssstuff.”

Wyvern dusts off his claws, removes his tail stinger from the edge of the Almost Dragonic Brand Promotional Tee™, and stares down at the shadow with a look of longing.

“Anyway, Happy Birthday once again Yui-chan.” Wyvern drops to the ground with his arms spread out in an attempt to hug the impossibly wide shadow, tasting carpet. “Hope you have a great one.”

OOC: Happy Birthday, Yui-chan. :-) All the best, as always.

Last night, I went and saw Subtle and Thee More Shallows at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco.

My last experience with the Great American Music Hall was not a good one, as the concert they threw with the Islands, Subtitle, and Blueprint back in November 2006 was a pretty lackluster affair. Unfortunately, despite Subtle's undeniable quality and entertainment as a live act, this show was also disappointing. This may be the last time I catch a show at the Great American Music Hall, since two rather poor shows is enough to deter me from going there again.

I arrived at the venue a little late, about ten minutes into Thee More Shallows set. I didn't know much about Thee More Shallows aside from the fact that they're part of the new generation of Anticon artists, which was once fantastic but which has really declined in recent years. Anyway, they seemed to be a decent enough group, founded in weird alternative rock and bleepy keyboard effects. The band was comprised of a lead vocalist and guitarist, a guy on drums, and a guy on a weird fold-out keyboard/synth machine. Their mic volume was on far too low (thanks, Great American Music Hall!) and the sound was sort of skewed, though I'm not really sure if their music was my cup of tea in the end anyway. Their set still had a few stand-out moments involving interesting uses of instruments and vocal sampling, but overall not too impressive.

Subtle set up their usual array of intriguing art once Thee More Shallows had finished, and then got up to the stage to perform. The last time I saw Subtle perform at Bottom of the Hill with Pigeon John was possibly the best show I've ever seen, so I may have gone into this show with some impossible expectations. Subtle put on a good set, but their mics were once again on way too low (thanks, Great American Music Hall!) and the music sort of drowned out doseone's vocals, making their set a little less impressive than usual. Still, dose was quite the showman... he came out wearing a hat, a striped jacket, and a vest of forks, and pulled quite a few entertaining tricks. Highlights included his hilarious parody of redneck comedy and his surprise performance of "Eneby Kurs" as an encore. Musicially, Jel and the rest of the band altered the notes of the tracks and added in new additions to them at just the right times, which made things fresh for even diehard Subtle enthusiasts. Even after the encore, the set ended surprisingly early at 11:30 PM, though I guess they started the show pretty early as well. Overall, it was a good set that could have been a great one had the sound levels and stage been right. Yay Subtle, booooo Great American Music Hall.

Nice poem, mai. :-) Unlike mindofvividcolors, I didn't really get the impression that you were describing a specific event so much as that you were putting a number of emotions on display in a creative context. The most interesting part of the poem to me is how time becomes still in the second stanza (you might want to drop the "is" or the "s" from stills in the eighth line), and how the narrator is waiting for time to resume at the very end. A very desolate image, and one that works well given the general tone of the poem.

Thanks for sharing this mai. :-)

Wyvern slithers into the Cabaret Room with a crumpled paper bag hooked onto the end of his tail stinger. The overgrown lizard lifts his snout to the sky and sniffs for the familiar scent of booze, his eyes staking out the area for any signs of rainbow leggings or sparkling silver wrist bangels. Coming up short, Wyvern grumbles and sneaks his way over to the Cabaret seat most used by Whisky in Babylon - the one with a view of the Banquet Hall, near a window looking out over the Courtyard, set next to a trapdoor leading to the Almost Report's former headquarters (RIP). The reptilian Elder unhooks the bag from his stinger and begins unloading its contents onto the seat with a sneer.

"Thinksss she'll sssneak off without the proper recognition, doesss she?" Wyvern bundles a super-skimpy two-piece Almost Report body suite onto the chair, topping it with a scaly crimson wrist band and a note that reads "Happy Birthday: Whisky Hotshot Malone." He presses his claws together and looks over the gifts for a moment, then decides to tag the thin body suite top with a little birthday bow. "No chick internsss on the Almost Report and gets away without at least a little notoriety."

Wyvern dusts off his claws and cackles a bit, satisfied with his gift set-up. He turns to rush off towards his latest scheme, but pauses as he notices the trapdoor on the ground adjacent to Whisky's old seat. He slowly approaches the door and kneels down to examine its lock, pondering if any marketable Almost Dragonic Brand Soot-E-Pets™ remain beneath it...

;-)

OOC: Happy Birthday, Whisky in Babylon. :-) Here's hoping that college has been treating you well.

Regardless of whether or not this was something you "popped out in desperation" to defeat writer's block, I sorta like this piece Degorram. :-) Your descriptions are nice, particularly the descriptions of Euphrates, Amazon and Endeavor. You mention that the characters are inspired by actual men that you've met, and I think that it shows in their detailed descriptions... heck, I'm sure there are girls drooling over Euphrates manliness as we speak. ;-p In terms of possible things to improve, the one thing that I felt was sort of missing from this piece was a sense of conflict. The premise of the three men moving to England is promising, but their journey to the seaport seems to be mostly pleasant and they all seem happy to be going to England. Even during the storm, which is a point where some conflict is hinted at, it's more the horses that are struggling than the men themselves. If you ever feel like revisiting this or if you're planning on continuing it, I think that offering more conflict in the lives of the characters might bring out their personalities more by showing another side of their emotions.

Anyway, thanks for sharing this Degorram. :-) I hope that it's helped in conquering your writer's block and I look forward to reading more from you soon!

Wyvern bounces up and raises a claw.

I moved the thread, unaware that Martin Fitzsimons was your real name and under the impression that you were sharing someone else's work (in which case the poem would belong in the Library). Once I found out that it was your real name, I moved it back to the Banquet Hall. You still get a free reference link in the Library leading to this thread, though - consider it an additional incentive to read the poem. :-)

Wyvern glances over Parmenion's work and nods while hissing a quiet prayer to the Great God and Pharoahe Nanotoknonnen under his breath. The overgrown lizard pulls out an ancient box of Nanotoknonnen-Os and sprinkles their mummyrific remains over the Banquet Room carpet, only to frown at the lack of rubber scarub within. He then turns to exit the chamber, muttering something positive about the huge goldmine that religion has offered clever schemers such as himself...