Wyvern

Wyvern steps into the Banquet Hall with a thuggish swagger, wearing a striped mafioso suit that wouldn't look out of place in "The Godfather III," but which probably would look out of place in "The Godfather" or "The Godfather II" simply because it wouldn't be classy enough. The overgrown lizard adjusts the cheap, affordable Almost Dragonic Brand Candy Diamond Claw Ring™ that rests on his pinky claw, then breaths a slightly smoky sigh and wanders over to the table where Preprise's poem sits. Wyvern lifts his ring to his mouth and crunches off the candy diamond in one bite, chewing in big jaw motions as he lifts "Swaying Beauty" to his snout. "Mm hmm. Mmm hmm. Aahhh, interesssting." Wyvern shakes the poem in the air once his beady eyes have finished skimming the page. He turns to Preprise with a sleazy grin of razor sharp teeth, sliding a claw up and down the page but not tearing it. "Mr. Preprissse, I don't believe we've met. Name'sss Wyvern, an' I'm a big wig 'round these Pen parts. Ever watched the Almost Report? Heard of Almost Dragonic Inc.? Now you know." Wyvern stares at Preprise's blank and slightly confused expression for a moment, then snorts. He slides another Almost Dragonic Brand Candy Diamond Claw Ring™ off of the tip of his left horn, then lowers it to his mouth and crunches off the candy diamond in one bite. He chews it with his mouth open. "Anyway, bottom line isss, this is quality material. The type o' quality material that I could see in the next Almost Dragonic Brand Loseleaf Poetry Brochure™, if ya get my drift. But there are a few suggestions I'd like to make, for the record." Wyvern reaches up to the tip of his right horn and pulls off another Almost Dragonic Brand Candy Diamond Claw Ring™. He lowers the ring to his snout and stuffs the candy diamond into his mouth, crunching it off in one bite. "First of all, in this first line." Wyvern swats the first line with a claw, accidentally tearing through the words "She is." "Sssorry. In this first line, we got this chick and she's a freak with hers, right? I mean, this is one mama that would go all the way. Now, I gotta break it to you Preprise. The flowers are great, but the flowers ain't selling. Ya gotta make thisss thing marketable. Marketability is key. My opinion? Strip'er down, toss'er some see-through lingerie, and watch the flocksss of people pay money to sssee her sway across that field. I mean, she does sway right?" Wyvern watches Preprise raise a brow and slowly nod his head, then reaches down for his tail stinger and pulls another Almost Dragonic Brand Candy Diamond Claw Ring™ from it. He quickly jams the candy diamond into his mouth and makes it disappear in a single bite. "Now, ditto for thisss second stanza thing." Wyvern pokes at the fourth line of the poem, dotting it with holes but narrowly missing the words. "Remember, we gotta sell this hot tamale. Ssso if she was into the dominatrix bondage stuff before getting freed to the fieldsss, you know damn well you gotta draw'em in with the juicy details. You wanna make money off this, you better start taking this sweet tart to town." Wyvern tosses the poem back onto its table and reaches down for his right foot, pulling an Almost Dragonic Brand Candy Diamond Claw Ring™ with a piece of used gum stuck to it from one of his toes. He kills the candy diamond and the accompanying piece of gum in one bite. "Ssso, bottom line Preppy. Can I can you Preppy?" Preprise shakes his head. "O.K, bottom line Preppy. If you want your poem to be included in Almost Dragonic Brand Loseleaf Poetry Brochures™, the ONLY all-smut poetry brochures at the Pen, you're gonna have to make some serious, business-oriented revisions. You wanna make lotsa geld? You gotta let your poem show a little skin. Capiche?" Wyvern reaches into his pouch and pulls out another Almost Dragonic Brand Candy Diamond Claw Ring™. He grins and extends it in Preprise's direction. "You wanna Almost Dragonic Brand Candy Diamond Claw Ring™, by the way?" Wyvern points a claw at the ring. "They're cheap, affordable, and only slightly poisonous."

Wyvern wanders into the Cabaret Room with a portable crystal ball lifted to his ear, hissing in a sleazy salesman tone about mass quantities of boar tusks. The ugly orc shaman face on the other end of the crystal ball flickers to black as Wyvern pockets the artifact and turns to Shamrock Fox with a toothy grin. The reptilian Elder wanders up to Shamrock Fox with two shakes of a tail and extends a scaly claw. "Greetingsss, Shamrock Fox, and welcome! Glad ya decided to register, ressst assured that there are no requirements for contributing here and that you can come and go as you please." Wyvern's forked tongue flicks from his mouth for a second. "In case you haven't already learned about me from your ssspectating, the name's Wyvern. Pleasssed to meet ya. I'm available as an expert financial advisor in times of need, and have a track record of producing more spin-off products than any other pennite." Wyvern glances in both directions, then nudges Shamrock Fox with a wing and lifts a claw to his ear. "Sssspeaking of which, you might want to consider investing in an Almost Dragonic Brand Fantasy Scenery Photo Guidebook™." Wyvern shifts a looseleaf stapled pamphlet towards Shamrock Fox. The cover of the "book" depicts a photo of a generic landscape, most likely a blighted plain. "I realize you're into more emotional stuff now, but there's plenty of emotion to be had when staring at thessse non-descript barren landscapes. Perfect for imagining whatever fantasy or emotional landscape you want to replace'em with. Only 10 geld a piece." Wyvern pauses his advertisement for a moment to take a step back from Shamrock Fox, framing his claws over the honored guest's facial features. "Sssay... would you happen to have any relation to any of our canine pennites, or is the Fox thing jussst in the name?" ;-)

The news cameras flicker on to stringy shades of white and gray, their sound monitors absorbing long gusts of wind and a wolf howling somewhere in the background. Several minutes pass before a clammy troglyodyte hand eclipses the whites and grays and pulls the cobwebs off of the camera lens, revealing a very gothic-looking graveyard, complete with towering tombstones and a token ghost hanging out near a mausoleum. The cameras slowly turn towards Wyvern, who is leaning against one of the less stable tombstones and picking his teeth with a narrow shard of bone. "Greetingssss, and welcome to the Almost Report. Tonight, we take you live to Venefyxatu's favorite graveyard at the outskirts of the Pen in an exclusssive contracted deal with the nether mage himself." Wyvern pulls a crumpled sheet of paper from his pocket and lifts it up so the cameras can see. "Venefyxatu's consent isss all detailed in this handy document. Of course, in order to maintain the Almost Report's reputation for highly illegal activities, we'll be certain to break a few of the clauses over the course of this report just to keep thingsss interesting." Wyvern pushes himself away from the tombstone that he leans against, causing it to fall over and stirring a brief flock of bats. The tall tombstone falls against another tall tombstone that rests behind it, causing a domino effect that knocks out an entire line of graves. The overgrown lizard bites his lip and brushes a stray bat away from his face as he observes the damages, then hisses: "At the top of the newsss this evening: the sequel to the smallest of epics, Mini-Saga II, is once again back in business and open to participation. Dwarves, gnomes, halflings, trogylodytes, and jussst about anyone else is welcome to join in to continue the saga of knight, golem, and man. Only 50 words per post, and completely freeform with no commitment required. Check it out." Wyvern pauses his reporting for a moment and turns to stomp on a skeleton that's emerging from the first of the fallen tombstones. Once the bones have been sufficiently broken, the overgrown lizard clears his throat and turns back to the cameras. "The Almost Report would alssso like to point out the recent public November promotions statement from Ozymandias. Sssince the Loremaster specifically chose to broadcast this statement Cabaret-wide, the Almost Report will be carefully following November promotions as they develop. Expect ssscandals galore (and higher show ratings) if the promotionsss aren't up by the announced date!" Wyvern turns his head as the ghost that had been hanging out near the mausoleum begins approaching him with an extended hand. The reptilian Elder shakes his head and spreads out his claws in an effort to say that he doesn't have any spare change on him, then cocks his head back in the direction of the news cameras and hisses: "To wrap up this report, I'd like to pass my belated Happy Birthday wishesss to Tralla and Mardrax. I got an Almost Dragonic Brand Plushy Kaolin Ragdoll™ and an Almost Dragonic Brand Tin All-Powerful Quill Holder™ for the two of you respectively... feel to drop by the Almost Report at any point to pick'em up." Wyvern reaches down for another bone shard from the skeleton he had stomped on, only to notice that there are now skeletons emerging from every one of the fallen tombstones. Apparently, the ghost wasn't looking for spare change either. Wyvern stammers and begins backing away until his wings have almost hit the camera lenses. But it's another stray bat that reduces the report to static.

Ooohhh, a great start for this new one Orlan. :-) It's nice to see Taleth and co. being revisited for another round of immortal mayhem (I guess the tales circulating around him are far from "Final" eh?). Dayane is still my personal favorite character, as I feel like she still has some of the most human qualities of any of the characters and is an easy character for me to sympathize with. I especially liked the scene-setting for the assassination attempt on Dayane in this first segment, as the way that you reintroduce the colorful cast of characters was really well done. I like how Severeth proves his worth as a bad-ass guard by blocking the magical poison arrow, as well as Dayane's reaction to his heroic save. Mallara was somehow prettier than I remember her being this time around, though I'm sure you've referenced her beauty in past stories... the long hair falling into the lap sort of stood out this time, I guess. I also like the elf revelation, and the way that you end this segment seems to be a perfect spot for a "To Be Continued..." Looking forward to reading more of this as it comes along!

Wyvern stretches his wings a bit as he steps up to the Cabaret podium, dragging a long parchment behind him that stretches all the way to the Conservatory. The overgrown lizard strikes a toothy grin, taps the microphone with a squeal of static, then snorts and hisses: "For my lasssst meal, I'd probably just relive the experience I had with Master Chef Pedro at the Travis concert I attended a while back. If I recall correctly, the menu consssisted of: - tossed jumbo seahorse salad with extra barnicle sprinkles and a dolphin fin on the side - two extra crispy chocolate malted turtle doves with a plate of sweet and sweeter sauce to dip them into - a charbroiled unicorns horn, crunchy and with a touch of triceritop spice - a miniature sardine and pixie wing pizza with extra cheese and a touch of magic fairy dust - an open ocean platter of fried siren monster tentacle with squid and octopus ink sauce - a dish of stir-fried cockatrice pan broiled in obsidian pebbles - a plate of roasted frog legs from former prince charmings - a small cup of witches brew (hold the eye of newts) - a slice of fine manticore with the little snake tail as a decoration - a leg of satyr so scrumptious that you can taste the music in it - a large plate of curly onion cheese doodles - a single leaf of lettuce leftover from one of Guido's meals - an extra large platter of gorgon, with spicey volcanic ash and a touch of former warrior statue sprinkles. - a whole sea serpent, gargantuan style, stuffed with hammer head shark and perhaps a bit of leftover mead from past shipwrecks - a large flame elemental and golem combo platter, served a la flambe, with just a hint of magma flavoring. - a huge bowl of Kraken chowder, served New Forjibord style, with a side order of little saltine crackers - half of a chimera, broiled in rare hydra drool, with tartar sauce and potatoes. - a good ol fashioned plate of macoroni and tri-tusked wart hog, smothered in troglyodyte sauce with the tusks still in it for marination. - an ogre club sandwich - a gnomish rocky mountain sunday - a large elven winter mint cake - Tzimfemme's famed chocolate pen figurines (one of each pennite... to profess my love for you all in my final moments with my appetite. Plusss Tzim's presence wouldn't hurt) To that order, I'd prolly add a Celes Crusader Cafe quadruple decker turkey-and-tongue sandwich, a piece of used Viking Spearmint gum from under my Office chair, and a platter of boiled wiggly cabbages (which Gwaihir would normally refussse, but under thessse circumstances, might accept!)." Wyvern rubs his claws together and catches his breath for a moment, then whispers into the microphone. "I figure that that assortment of dishes would prolly last me an hour and a half, during which time I could plan a daring almost dragonic escape." Wyvern goes silent and scratches his chin for a moment. "Or at the very least, come up with a new product to market to the people resssponsible for executing me." ;-)

I like this poem, Mardrax. :-) It reflects upon an interesting and personal topic with some nice visual touches. The torch metaphor was nicely incorporated, particularly with the choice between "Burning or alight" in the final stanza, which demonstrated some good word choice. The way that the final stanza is structured around choices is also well done, and brings the poem to a strong close. One question: in the first stanza, is the way that the narrator contemplates picking up the "torchbearer" intentional, or is that meant to read "torch" there? I like the thought of the narrator picking up the torchbearer as it's an original image, but the line following it seems to suggest that "torch" might have been intended. Nice stuff, Mardrax. Thanks for sharing it.

Nice poem, Silver Wind. :-) I really like how you end it by drawing off of the narrator's personal perspective, as it seems to close the poem with a more intimate feel that works nicely in my opinion. I also like some of the imagery here, with the sensual image of the morning dew clinging to the body standing out in particular... Out of curiousity, is the moonlight bathing intentionally a reoccurring motif throughout your poetry, or is it simply an image that happens to be in your head when you're writing poems? Wyvern nods to himself and adds "sweet sweet sparrow suite" to his list of potential Almost Dragonic Hollow-Ween Costumes™, then begins brainstorming grass fields to target on his way out of the Banquet Hall...

"Well, lemme asssure you Nuncio... when it comes to Guinea Pig Deluxe Health Spa Resssorts, you've come to the right place." Wyvern pulls out a sheet from his Devil's Advocate folder and folds it into another "promotional brochure," then shoves it into one of Nuncio's paws. "Now, if you'll jussst have a seat over here, I'll whip out the proper documents and you won't be not loving your soon-to-be Almost Dragonic Brand Deluxe Health Spa Resort™ before you don't know it." Nuncio scratches his head as he considers Wyvern's statement and looks over the blank pamphlet. "You wouldn't happen to have a picture of this resort, would you Wyvern?" "A picture?" Wyvern drops the long parchments of legalities that he's carrying and turns to Nuncio with a dumbfounded expression. "Who needsss a pic of the place when you can take a full tour of it, right here and right now?! Lemme just fetch the Resssort for you." Wyvern races to his desk and picks up the cage with the "Deeluks Resort" sign hanging from its would-be door. The overgrown lizard bites his lip when he notices the slight difference in size between Nuncio and the cage, and taps a claw on its bars as he considers how to give the guinea pig bodyguard a proper tour of the place. "Jusssst close your eyes and hold still." Wyvern licks his lips and turns the cage at an angle, lowering its open door space over Nuncio's head and ignoring the potentially tight squeeze. "You'll be experiencing the many luxuries of Almost Dragonic Brand Guinea Pig Deluxe Health Spa Resorts in no time flat!" ;-)

Both Blby and Tanuchan turn their heads as the Recruiter's Office window slides open, bringing in a chilly gust of October air. The wind doesn't last long, however, as a crimson wing promptly juts its way through the window and blocks the breeze. This wing is followed by a scaly foot, and it's not long before Wyvern has crammed his way into the Office and shut the window behind him. The overgrown bows his head to Blby and waves a claw to Tanuchan, then scampers over to his Recruitment desk and begins tossing papers left and right. "Niccce to see you applying here Blby, sssorry to keep you waiting." Wyvern flashes a toothy grin in Blby's direction, then clears his throat and plucks Blby's application poem from a space between a tattered magazine and half a moldy peanut butter and curly onion cheese doodle sandwich. The lizard raises the work to his snout and skims over the words. "Hmmm, I sssee. Well, if comfort or lodgings are what you're searching for, then boy do I have a special offer for you." Blby and Tanuchan glance towards one another with concerned looks as Wyvern darts under his desk and begins rummaging through various un-ironed articles of clothing. The overgrown lizard eventually re-emerges wearing a plaid travel agent tux and a Hawaiian lei. "Sssure, applying to the Pen in a typical manner is nice and all, but wouldn't you like to take full advantage of the relaxing facilitiesss that Almost Dragonic Inc. has on offer?" Wyvern digs into his Devil's Advocate folder and pulls out a blank sheet of paper. He licks his lips and folds the paper in half to make it resemble a brochure. "For a limited time only, you can add 100 geld to your Pen application you'll get a free 4-month membership pass for Almost Dragonic Brand Guinea Pig Deluxe Health Spa Resorts™. It's a ssssteal!" Blby glumly accepts the blank pamphlet as Wyvern shoves it in his direction. "Almost Dragonic Brand Guinea Pig Deluxe Health Spa Resorts™ offer only the finest in exercise and recreation facilities for guinea pigs. Thisss includes soft and comfortable spots to recline, a state-of-the-art treadmill machine, and an all-you-can-eat self-service buffet." Blby frowns and turns the pamphlet over in an attempt to find some sort of writing on it. "The architecture of the resssort is also extremely modern and innovative, with see-through walls consisssting of bars that can be climbed as a form of exercise. But don't take it from me... sssee for yourself!" With that, Wyvern reaches down and pulls up what appears to be a rickety old hamster cage with a sign reading "Deeluks Resort" hanging over the rusted door. Inside of the cage, there appears to be an aged running wheel, two feeding tubes, and a spot of hay that's seen better days. A long moment of silence passes as Wyvern holds the cage by its handle and parades it around with a claw. "Errr..." Tanuchan scratches one of her ears and raises a brow. "Is that some kind of miniature model or...?" "Oh no no no, thisss is the resort itself!" Wyvern extends it forward in the hopes of giving Blby a better look, only to watch as the door of the ancient cage falls off its hinges. The overgrown lizard bites his scaly and turns with an awkward laugh, then grumbles to himself and stamps Blby's application ACCEPTED. ;-) OOC: An ACCEPTED application piece, Blby. :-) Welcome to the Mighty Pen! I've enjoyed RPing with you and reading your writing thus far, and hope that you continue to find the Pen a friendly and open community to share your creativity with. Once again, welcome.

The cameras flicker on to a close-up image of the scales covering Wyvern's snout. They move back a little to focus on the overgrown lizard's head, which rests against a backdrop of Cabaret Room wallpaper. Wyvern stares down at the ground behind him for a moment and grumbles something under his breath, his snout clearly out-of-joint and his beady eyes suggesting a state of frustration. The reptilian Elder clears his throat and straightens up a bit when he notices the cameras. He pulls out a crumpled news sheet and hisses: "Greetingsss, and welcome to the Almost Report. Thisss evening, we report to you live from Blby's Pen quarters... errrr, directly outside of Blby's Pen quarters that is." The cameras pan out again to reveal that Wyvern's tail stinger is stuck in a mousehole on the bottom of the Cabaret wall. He tugs at it to no avail. "First look and all that jazz, jussst as soon as I remove my stinger from his doorway." As if on cue, two troglyodytes dressed in construction hats and protective vests walk up to Wyvern with an open Almost Dragonic Brand Half-Functional Tool Encyclopedia™. The overgrown lizard points towards a tool on a page and then cocks his head to the side twice, signaling the troglyodytes to go. "In today'sss news, the Big Pointy One is searching for ten participants for his intriguing myssstery project which is rumored to be coming in the near future. The announcement note itself is right over here." Wyvern attempts to wander over to the area where Stick's note is nailed up, but jolts to a halt halfway there as his tail stinger once again sets a limitation. Wyvern grumbles. "Well, it'sss right over there anyway. 8 people have already sssigned up for the mysterious project, but there are still 2 spots available for any who are interesssted. Act now, before it'sss too late!" Wyvern steps back over to Blby's front door to give his tail more breathing room. He grumbles to himself as he attempts another unsuccessful yank. "In further newsss, the Halloween spirit's drifting in early this year with the return of the Werewolf." Wyvern pauses for a moment to signal to someone off-screen. "Werewolf XXXVI, hosted by Mynx, isss currently open to sign-up. I've alssso heard requests and rumorsss about a Halloween party-type thing for pennites, though the lassst I heard was that it could be occuring around Thanksssgiving. Stay tuned for more gossip on that front as it develops." Wyvern freezes as the two troglyodytes in construction hats return carrying giant chainsaws and wearing Almost Dragonic Brand Protective Construction Eye Patches™. They rev up the chainsaws and begin waving them blindly, cutting diagonally down part of the Cabaret wall. Wyvern grits his teeth and ducks. "To wrap up this report, e-mail notifications should now once again be working for Pen PMs." Wyvern yells over the noise of the chainsaws, placing his claws over his horns. "Hey, HEY! Careful you don't buzz through Blby'sss room guys!" Static.

So, I decided to trek out to San Francisco today to see Wes Anderson's new movie "The Darjeeling Limited," since its limited distribution hasn't made it available in Berkeley yet. Wes Anderson has grown on me tremendously as a director since I first watched one of his films. Even the endeavors that I was previously unimpressed with like "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" definitely have defining quirks and qualities that are 100% his style. The coming attraction for "The Darjeeling Limited" didn't make it look terribly funny or impressive, plus I'd read a number of bad reviews of it beforehand and was kind of fearing the worst... But his mini-film prequel "Hotel Chevalier" (which can legally be seen for free here) restored my faith somewhat and motivated me to check out "Darjeeling Limited" in the theaters. Anyway, I'm happy to say that I thoroughly enjoyed "The Darjeeling Limited" from beginning to end, and that it ranks up there with "Grindhouse" as one of the better movies I've seen so far this year. From the hectic opening shot of a business man played by Bill Murray being driven along in an indian cab to the closing tune of "Au Champs Elysee," this film completely captured my attention and delighted me throughout. I don't know if it's just because I've become more adapted to Wes Anderson's deadpan style of humor, but I found myself laughing out loud a lot more than I have in his other films. "The Darjeeling Limited" is a story of three brothers (played by Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, and Jason Schwartzman) who are taking a train ride through India in the hopes of spiritually bonding in some way... or at least one of them is hoping for that, and the other two are kinda stuck along for the ride. As is typically the case in Wes Anderson's films, the main characters all appear to be wealthy and all have some pretty bad emotional issues. The movie is beautifully filmed and visually arresting in a typical Wes Anderson style, with loads of bright colors and exotic Indian landscapes really making the experience stand out. Plus plenty of quirky details and eccentric supporting characters. Not to mention lots of clever dialogue and interesting character interactions. The only irky point of the film to me was the meeting with the mother, which was cleverly done but which felt almost meaningless to the development of the characters. Still, "The Darjeeling Limited" had me smiling the whole way through. Highly recommended.

Wyvern trudges into the Banquet Hall wearing a mock plumber uniform, complete with overalls two times too baggy for his tail. The reptilian Elder pulls out a yard stick and a set of binoculars, distancing himself from the tears surrounding Silver Wind's poem with the stick and examining them with the binoculars. Wyvern scratches his rear in a plumber-like manner once he's reached a professional opinion, then lowers his binoculars and turns to Silver Wind with a disappointed frowm. "Yep... Sssorry, but it looks like those tears are broken beyond repair. No chance of recovering the memories from'em or anything." Wyvern shakes his head and stares down at the ground, then pulls out his Fake Tear Tissue and waves it in Silver Wind's direction. "Now if you'd like to save face, I could offer ya a couple of fake tears for only 10 geld a drop. I'll even throw in a free one-time only Almost Dragonic Brand Howeler Monkey Wrench™ with proof of purchassse. It'sss a deal that even Rondelet would be proud of!" Wyvern dangles the tissue with a dastardly grin. ;-)

Wyvern slithers his way into the Cabaret Room after hearing word that Stick is overstocked on exclamation marks. The overgrown lizard parks his large sack next to the paper sign and begins grabbing clawfuls of the exclamation marks that lie adjacent to the sheet, dumping them into the snack along with their dots and any related items of punctuation that happen to be in their vicinity. "Thessse things'll work great for Almost Dragonic Brand Dotted Halo Replacements™! Just gotta find some underlings to bend'em into shape." Wyvern sneers as he ties the sack shut, then pauses as he notices the sign-up sheet out the corner of his eye. "Hrmm, wasssis?" Wyvern reads over Stick's announcement, examines the nails with a magnifying lens to estimate their value, then scratches his scaly chin and pulls a quill from his back pocket. He hesitantly lifts it to one of the dotted lines. "Well, asss long as their aren't any costs involved..." Wyvern wiggles his snout and scribbles his name on the sign-up sheet, along with several clauses about the distribution of funds. "After all, gettin' involved in a bit o' myssstery certainly couldn't hurt my sex appeal." ;-)

The news cameras tune in to a set of tattered red curtains, which hang from a set of poorly concealed webbed fingers. The sounds of an off-key flute medley cues up in the background, any hint of elegance diffused by the hissing sounds that underly every note. Further in the background, the maddening sounds of mechanical baby wails can still be heard echoing from the Assembly Room. "Greetingsss, and welcome to the Almost Report." The curtains don't move, still held by the webbed fingers. Several minutes of silence pass before the voice behind the curtain speaks up again. "*Ahem* GREETINGS, and WELCOME to the ALMOST REPORT. Ssstarting right now, ahaha." The curtains still don't move, which evokes a string of TV-unfriendly curses from behind the curtains. The webbed fingers holding the curtains tremble as the sound of feet stomping can be heard moving towards them. The tattered reds come down with a yank, entangling the wyvern behind them and sending him stumbling back into the sexy sexy leather chair behind him. The reptilian Elder continues cursing until he's managed to untangle the curtains from his scales, revealing a pompous scale-tight vest with white ruffles and a purple cap with a peacock feather (and two horns) sticking from it. Wyvern tosses the curtains to the side and turns to the cameras with a toothy grin. "Greetingssss, and welcome to the Almost Report. A special Master Peace Theatre edition." Wyvern rubs a claw on his vest, accidentally causing several of the buttons to pop off. "Tonight, we report to you live from Orlan's quarters in the hopes of gaining some elegance to celebrate the birthday of a certain Master of Peace. That's right... it'sss that high elf amongst elves, that gentleman amongst gentlefolk, that polite dungeon master amongst expert torturers..." Wyvern pauses and turns to a sexy sexy drawer, opening it and clawing his way through a sexy sexy file of pennite pictures. By the time he's found a picture of Peredhil and pulled it out, the state of the cabinet has been reduced from "sexy sexy" to a mere "sexy." "Happy Birthday, Peredhil!" Wyvern waves the picture in front of the camera. The photo depicts Peredhil handing a very valuable piece of undies to the doorman of the Quincuinox. "Thanksss fer all your contributions over the years. I hope your day goesss great." Wyvern nods and drops the picture, then pulls out a notepad and begins wandering around Orlan's quarters and observing the latest in sexy sexy fashions. "In further newsss..." Wyvern stops and cringes as the baby wailing sounds in the background grow louder still. "Pennites concerned with the noise levels of the Pen should be sure to check out Degorram's scream event and drop of their screams of choice. While yer down there, you might also consssider deading that Almost Dragonic Brand Organ Whine-der™... thossse baby screams're really starting to get to me." Wyvern clutches his aching head and flops down on a conveniently placed sexy sexy pillow for a moment. He stairs up at the sexy sexy ceiling designs and hisses: "For the last item of this evenings report: word has it that e-mail notification for PMs at the Pen isss currently not working. So if yer usually notified by e-mail when you get a PM here and don't know why you haven't been getting'em as of late, there's yer explanation." Wyvern lifts himself from the pillow and turns to inspect more of the chamber, only to get his feet tangled in the tattered curtains on the floor. The cameras move through an elegant fade-to-black as the lizard stumbles forward in the direction of the sexy sexy Really Fragile Crystal Statue...

Wyvern scrambles his way into the Pen's new screaming arena with a tape recorder clutched in one claw and a long cord held in the other. The overgrown lizard immediately hits the "Play" button on the recorder, not wanting to miss the opportunity to turn the variety of pennite screams into the latest death metal sensation. He cringes and grins at Degorram and Kikuyu's ocean and forest screams respectively, then begins pulling on his cord until a stand similar to that of a street musician organ grinder is rolled into the room. Wyvern cackles and pats the back of the stand, then clears his throat and rubs a claw on his chest. "Allow me to presssent my latest invention: the Almost Dragonic Brand Organ Whine-der™." The reptilian Elder grins a grin of razor sharp teeth and raises a claw to a bar on the side of the grinder, clutching it with glee. "Thisss lil' baby is made with the sound circuits of, well, lil' babies. Lil' baby toys that is. Y'know, those ones like Mindy Diaperdump that actually have a wailing cry sound installed in them for realism or whatever? Well, imagine over a thousand of those sound chips in a sssingle potent screaming machine. Obssserve." Wyvern pushes down on the bar of the grinder and then pulls up, rotating it in a circular motion. The mechanized baby screaming sounds start immediately, the thousands of cries amplified by high-volume speakers on both sides of the machine. A mechanical monkey with a baby doll head jerks its way onto the stand's platform and lets out an extra-piercing shriek, its sound leaning more towards that of a monkey than that of a baby. "Now as you can see, I can let go of this handle to ssstop the screaming at any point." Wyvern lets go of the side-bar, only to frown as he watches it continue to move in circular motions. The mechanical baby screams also continue. "Hrrmm. No worriesss, I'll just stop the handle manually." Wyvern reaches out to grip the handle but accidentally pushes it down, causing it to spin even faster and making the thousands of baby screams even louder. He grits his teeth as he attempts to grab it again, but backs off as the bar starts spinning at a dangerous speed. Wyvern pulls at his scales as the cries grow louder and louder, not even noticing the angered mob of pennites as they storm into the chamber. He reaches for a megaphone attached to the bottom of the screaming stand and lifts it to his snout with a frantic cry, his beady eyes bugging out of their sockets from the noise. "HALLLLPPPPP!!!"

I like this poem, Silver Wind. :-) There's a lot of good fantasy imagery in it that grabs my attention, with the woman's fawn legs and the thoughts of the kraken swallowing the ring standing out in particular. I also really like some of the phrasing that you use in the poem, especially the pairing of "caressed brutally" in the second stanza which definitely catches my eye every time I read it. I also agree with Yog that the "break away" refrain compliments the tone nicely, and I like the way that sounds and sights seem to taunt the woman and make her queasy. Well done. Wyvern scratches his chin and considers bugging Silver Wind for a few photos of this gal, the fawn legs and dress offering a pretty unique look that could potentially inspire a bit of "brutal caressing" of his own (HUR HUR HUR). Shame that she's so close to the water... aquatics never fail to be a bit of a turn off.

A very good story, as always Zadown. :-) The beginning with the zombies and warring factions had me a little worried that there'd be no challenges in store for the Dreamer, but when Lady Therazin entered the scene and the element of Evil was introduced to the fiefs it became a lot more interesting. The exploration of the various fiefs was cool, with that disgusting Fief of Decay guardian standing out in particular, and I was surprised by how intense and difficult a fight the necromancer in charge of the Evil turned out to be. Always interesting and exciting to see the Dreamer in a situation that's tricky, even for him. Suentalv was extremely annoying in a good character-driven way... I like how you balanced his obnoxious pride out with some positive traits that demonstrate his skill. I guess he wouldn't be the Dreamer's apprentice if he didn't show any potential, and he does. The special blade that the Dreamer uses for the Fief of Decay was pretty bad-ass as well... I'm curious if Misery will be appearing in future Dreamer stories as well. I still give the edge to Pain though... gotta love those moans. Anyway, great stuff Z. :-) Always a pleasure to read your works!

Wyvern moans in his twisted position on the Cabaret rug, slowly lifting a claw to his bloody snout. The crash landing hadn't harmed the lizard in any way, but the combination of Degorram's suggestive taste test and the position of Mynx's crash landing had caused the heat to go to the reptilian Elder's head again. Wyvern lets out a long quiet hiss as he carefully lifts one of Mynx's legs, crawling out from under the pennite heap with a hoarse cough and a gasp. He squirms his way across the carpet, collecting more tangerine peels on his scales with each jerky motion. By the time the lizard reaches one of the Cabaret couches and lifts himself with a dizzy swagger, he already looks like an almost dragonic orange peeler. "Eeccchhhh." Wyvern lifts one of his arms and begins plucking the tangerine peels from it, remnants of a deep blush still present on his scaly face. The overgrown lizard pauses as he notices the way that the fruit skins cling, and glances around at the abundance of peels scattered around the chamber. "Hrrmmmm." Wyvern pulls a sheet of blank paper from his Devil's Advocate folder and licks the tangerine juice from his lips. "Almost Dragonic Brand Luxury Tangerine Skin Coats™...?" Wyvern begins scribbling messy outlines for a clothing line, jotting down Gwaihir's Greenhouse as a potential spot to tap for natural resources. "Yesssss. Posssssibly a line of tangerine skin mittens for handling angry fruit protestors as well...."

Mynx - that's a good point about "The Prestige" and "The Illusionist," as I did see "The Illusionist" first. :-) Still, there's the annoying clone machine factor of "The Prestige" that sort of detracts from the magician storyline for me... Neither of the movies blew me away, but I'd still probably side with "The Illusionist" overall. I'm also glad to see that there are lots of people who've offered their differing perspectives on "The Fountain." Oddly enough, my main problem with the film was that I didn't feel that the imagery had enough depth to really leave an impression. It was pretty in spots, but just didn't really hold enough weight to grab me or move me in any way. I'll just echo my recommendation of "Inland Empire" for those who want a tour-de-force of abstract imagery, though I'm sure some of you would never forgive me for recommending it after watching it! Attention, Wes Anderson fans! Mr. Anderson just released a 13 minute short film entitled "Hotel Chevalier," which is a prelude to his movie "The Darjeeling Limited" and stars Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman. The mini-flick is available exclusively for free download from iTunes, and will not be a part of the theatrical release. I've watched it, and found it pretty darn interesting in a signature Wes Anderson style. Apparently, this is also the first film that Natalie Portman has gotten naked for, though the nudity is PG-13 and not super-explicit or anything. Definitely worth 13 minutes of your time, especially given the price of admission. Looking forward to "The Darjeeling Limited" when it comes out next month!

Very nice poem, Kikuyu. :-) The menacing fire imagery is well done, and I like how you detail the flame's assimilation of the narrator. I particularly liked the incineration of the tear in the third stanza and the tickling flames of the fourth stanza. I also found it interesting how the fire continues to spread after assimilating the narrator and targets the child, as it definitely makes it feel like a furious flashfire of sorts. One point in the poem that felt a bit awkward to me was the repetition of "sleep" in the first two lines of the second stanza, and you might consider replacing one of them with some alternative word. Perhaps the "sleep" in the second line could be changed to "dreams"? Just one potential option... Very nicely done, Kikuyu. :-) Thank you for sharing this. Wyvern scratches his chin and considers whether he should send a request to Silver Wind to try and capture a few photos of this Fey chick. The hotter the better, after all...

A shaky camera tunes in to what appears to be a rough brown surface. The lens slowly shifts with jerky movements, grazing the brown surface with a nerve-wracking scratchy sound and moving upward. The camera jerks to a stop once its reached a point where it can focus on the bottom of Wyvern's chin. The overgrown lizard hisses softly and jerks his head down towards the camera as best as he can, decidedly stuck in place. "Greetingssss, and thanks for tuning into the Almost Report. Reporting to you live, even when helplessly tied up against Degorram's door..." Wyvern fights off a blush and grunts to himself, attempting to fidget a bit but tied quite firmly in his ropes. "Captivity log: three hours since the I <3 Wyvern Club took the initiative. Their talks of tickle torture make me wary of other kinky objectives. Hoping to pierce one of the ropes with my tail ssstinger... y'know, just in case." Wyvern shuts his yap and bites his scaly lip as familiar voices and footsteps echo from deep within Degorram's room. He strains to hear some of the conversation, and makes sure that the voices have reached an appropriate distance before continuing. "Anyhow, in today's newsss, congratulations to Whisky in Babylon for making Quillbearer in the Pen's recent September promotions." Wyvern pauses and grits his teeth a moment as he attempts to bend his tail into a cutting position, only to snort as he fails. "Newer Pen visitors who would like to become more involved in the workings of the community and would like to receive similar acknowledgments might consssider submitting an Pen application in the Recruiter's Office." Wyvern tenses up again and goes silent as he hears Kikuyu and Degorram's voices discussing the merits of various feathers. He silently curses over being on bad terms with Mahogoni Closit and wonders if Degorram's door might be Woody's type. "In further news, Blby's Greetings have turned into an introduction to a number of new pennites, not to mention an all-out tangerine splatterfest. Worthy of any pennite's attention." Wyvern stretches his neck a bit. "Ssspeaking of which, the Almost Report would like to send warm pennite welcomes to The Researcher and his pet Guinea Pig. Here's hoping the two of them will indulge in the Pen and the many fine Almost Dragonic Brand Products that it has to offer." Wyvern's holds his tongue and gulps as two shadows suddenly fall over the camera. He tries fidgeting again, then quickly adds: "Finally, those who haven't checked out the free Mighty Pen 'Narratives' music compilation should feel free to do so... I'd love to hear yer thoughts on it." Wyvern eeps as a large purple feather brushes past the camera lens. A feminine finger reaches down for the power button of the camera and taps it, causing the screen to black out just as a gale of almost dragonic laughter echoes through the sound unit. ;-)

Like Silver Wind and Patrick, I really like the beginning of this story Falcon. :-) The tone and interactions have a real film noir detective kind of feel to them, and opening the story with Mary's suicide was a great way to grab the reader's attention from the get-go. The TOR text messaging conversation between Michael and Rose was also a nice touch, and I like the friendly relationship that Michael seems to have with Ruth. I also agree with Patrick that there were some nice descriptive passages, with the clever line about Rose's hair style standing out to me in particular. I faintly echo Silver Wind's suggestion that the transition into flashback mode might be smoothened out a bit, but I'm mainly commenting here since I'm interested in seeing what will happen next. Here's hoping you'll find the time to continue this here! :-) Thanks for sharing it.

Wyvern slowly lifts himself from behind a Cabaret chair that's been soaked in tangerine juice. The overgrown lizard glances in both directions to make sure that the firing has stopped, then curses and peels the tangerine skin from between his scales. He reaches for a whole tangerine still impaled on his right horn and grips it, squeezing it and letting the juice run down his snout as thoughts of the skeletal rodent responsible make him grit his teeth. Wyvern lets a few drops of tangerine juice fall on the tips of his forked tongue, then brushes a few remaining peels from his shoulders and wanders back over to Professor Hassium. "*Ahem* My apologiessss for the interruption. Next time I do business in the Cabaret Room, I'll be sssure to pack an Almost Dragonic Brand Rotten Cherry Gatling Gun™ jussst in case." Wyvern lets out an awkward and prolonged laugh while The Researcher raises a brow, wondering if the lizard is serious or just kidding around. "Now then, about your little proposssal." Wyvern lifts his document, which is barely legible in its tangerine-soaked state, and points at a particularly soggy clause. "Clause XXIX states that any infringement that causes a relocation of private property will resssult in a 500 geld fine. Meaning that the total geld due would need to be raised to 1300 geld (rounded up)." Wyvern rubs his claws together and suppresses a snicker of anticipation. "Waddaya say, doc?"

Thanks for sharing your Honeymoon experiences and wedding pics with us, Katzaniel. :-) I really enjoyed reading through your visit to Victoria, I'm glad that the two of you had a great time and that it worked out so well. You definitely make Victoria sound like an appealing place to visit, though I don't know if I could ever convince myself to hold a scorpion! Definitely share the videos of the orcas and seals with us if you get the chance (I'm secretly hoping for some recorded vocal commentary on'em). That's awesome that you guys got down to Seattle to see Salinye and co., they were awesome people to hang out with in Cali. :-) Come to think of it, I should contact them to see if I can catch'em the next time they pass through here... Anyway, congratulations Katzaniel. :-) It's great to have you back.

Thanks for the review of "Eastern Promises" Zadown. :-) I'm definitely considering seeing it, but might wait till it's on DVD or up for free download on the net before checking for it. A couple of thoughts on a bunch of recent things I watched: "Death Proof" DVD - A very strong recommendation. It may only be one half of the original "Grindhouse" and it may be lacking the brilliant fake trailers of the theatrical version, but naysayers and fans of the original should take the following sentence into account: "Vanessa Ferlito lapdance scene." WOW. So hot, so stylish, such great music... glad that Tarantino decided to include it on this version! Of course, the whole flick is a brilliant romp, and the ending alone is worth a hearty recommendation to anyone who hasn't seen it. "Little Children" - Very mature and well thought-out film starring Kate Winslet that deals with the relationships between people in an American suburb and the ways that they change after a man previously convicted of indecently exposing himself to a child moves in. The movie switches between the every day lives of numerous characters and their imperfections a la "Magnolia," and the interactions between the many well-developed characters result in an intriguing and emotional movie. Good stuff. "The Painted Veil" - Another really mature film, starring Edward Norton and Naomi Watts as a couple with marriage problems that move to a Chinese town in the midst of the 1920s cholera epidemic. Edward Norton is great in it as the shy-yet-aggresive man of the house, but Naomi Watts really shines as the rich bitch he marries. Watts really pulls off the shift in her character well, as she transforms from a spoiled brat to a loving and responsible woman in a very gradual and realistic manner. The French song that children sing at the end actually brought a couple of tears to my eyes. Very good flick, with plenty of awesome actors on board. "The Prestige" - Disappointing. I figured that Nolan plus Scarlett plus Christian Bale would guarantee a fully entertaining film, but I predicted the twist of the ending long before it occured and there wasn't any other aspect of the movie that really grabbed me. Perhaps the most annoying and frustrating part of the movie was the inclusion of the cloning device - the film might have been salvaged if it had stood its ground on realistic terms, as any respectable magician movie would, but the inclusion of a supernatural device just kind of drained all of the drama from it for me. I'd say skip this one and check out "The Illusionist" instead - that was a pretty solid magician movie. "The Fountain" - Eeeehhh, yuck. This is the first film I've seen from Aronofsky, and I'm not a fan. He can flash artsy images in my face all day if he wants, but the truth of the matter is that there simply isn't that much going on in this film. It didn't strike me as "deep" in the least, as the bare bones plot is limited to a man suffering over his love dying from a brain tumor. Now, this might have worked if there was more depth to both of the characters involved, but as it stands they just strike me as cardboard cut-outs meant to fill in Aronofsky's pretentious "high art" images and plot. There was potential in the concept of having three radically different time settings for the same story, but I feel like it was wasted in this. It struck me as being very heavy on the special effects, and very light on everything else. Anyway, if you want to have your breath taken away by some visionary abstract imagery, I'd recommend "Inland Empire" over this any day of the week.