Wyvern

Very nice poem, Kikuyu. :-) I really like how you characterize the fading moon with a number of beautiful traits, and how you even treat the craters as marks of beauty in the eyes of men. I also found your choice to have "Men" be the ones who are taken in by the moon's beauty in the second stanza very interesting, as that and the reference to the moon as a "mother" in the final stanza gave the moon a feminine quality that I found original. The only thing I wasn't entirely sold on was the use of old slang words like "ne'er," "scarr'ed" or "oft," which gave the poem a sort of medieval feel but felt a little less genuine than the rest of the vocabulary in the piece. Nicely done once again, Kikuyu. :-) Thanks for sharing this. Wyvern twiddles his claws and decides that this could give an interesting new dimension to the term "moonbathing." He hesitates and decides not to request any Silver Wind camera work given the availability of telescopes around the Pen's quarters... ;-)

So, inspired by the comments of Mynx and others, I've been playing catch-up with a lot of classic horror cinema, which has never really been a genre of film I've looked into until now. For the record, Stanley Kubrick's rendition of "The Shining" is still the scariest film I've ever seen by a pretty long shot, but I found some of these flicks pretty damn creepy as well: "Halloween" - I thought this movie was very well done, particularly in its use of the stalker perspective. The camera work and music were used brilliantly throughout, especially in the first half when the killer is hunting the girls and we view it from his perspective. Knowing that the protagonist and her friends were being watched and carefully followed really created a lot of tension and suspense, and there were lots of brief glimpses of the killer that made me jump. The unlocked insane asylum that the psychologist and his accomplice visit near the beginning was also very creepy and unsettling. Things got a little more straightforward once the actual killings started, but the mood was still quite well done. The only part of this film that I wasn't completely sold on was the ending, which felt like a bit of a cop-out, although it did add to the creepiness of it all I guess. Definitely worth watching, it hasn't lost much of its potency since 1978. "A Nightmare on Elm Street" - Freddy Kreuger is possibly one of the most terrifying visions of a horror movie villain ever. It's not just the concept of being killed in your nightmares that makes him scary, it's all the horrific details that surround him. A killer who took children down to his boiler room and murdered them with a glove of knives, only to be burnt to death by a mob of angry parents... yet who still haunts and kills children in their dreams. The vivid details of his character give him almost a kind of realism, like Wes Craven could have taken a real news story and ran with it to make it terrifying. Having said this, "A Nightmare on Elm Street" did play out like an 80s movie to me, and did show some of its age in its low budget acting and rather poor plot progression. Kreuger more or less drove the picture and made it interesting (and pretty scary), but the rest of the film played out like a bad teen drama with a number of outdated and corny elements like the rather ridiculous ending. It seems like a campy B-movie looking back at it, and it probably was, but it's a campy B-movie with a really original and horrific villain. Not bad, overall. "Child's Play" - And here's an example of an 80s horror film that hasn't aged well at all! I regret to say that I found the film that originated the psycho-doll Chucky into the world of horror corny through and through. Granted, there were a few hilarious moments of campyness, especially the intro to the film which involved a chase through a toy store that ended in satanic verse and a large number of 80s explosion effects. I didn't find Chucky a very effective villain though... his size and the sheer desperation in his attempts to kill people made him a little too easy to take. The one part of the film where he became at least a little frightening was when the family thought they'd killed him with fire and he came back all charred and ready to do some cleaving. Still, this film had really bad acting and stilted characters... I missed about 20 minutes in the middle of it due to the free online version of it that I was watching, but I can't say I really regret not having wasted another 20 minutes on this one. Not recommended. "Alien" - I can't believe that I spent such a long time without having seen this one... "Aliens" was one of my favorite films back in the day, and I watched all of the other films in the Alien franchise back then except for the original that started it all. And now that I've watched it, I can safely that it's possibly the best in the series, with the only possible contender being "Aliens." I found the first half of "Alien" incredible. The setting of the huge spaceship that the crew flies in is seriously creepy and unfamiliar, and sets the mood from the get-go. What's also really creepy is that it's hard to figure out what genre the film fits into in the beginning, since it seems like a space exploration sci-fi flick with a kind of noir feel that's hinting at the horror to come. The examination of the face-hugger and the first entrance of the alien were both incredibly well done, though once the alien is loose on the ship it becomes more of a standard horror film. Then again, the death of the android was also a very unsettling element that was well-incorporated. Certainly one to watch... and I'd still argue that "Aliens" is one of the best sequels of all time. "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" - Hmmm, a bit difficult to judge this film. This is generally the kind of horror cinema I tend to avoid, as I have a certain aversion towards watching people being tortured... you can flash some grisly murder at me and I won't mind, but there's a difference between watching someone murdered and watching someone undergo painful torture, even if that torture is mainly mental. Having said that, this film did strike me as being well done, and the last thirty minutes of it pretty much creeped me out. For the most part, the film followed a predictable format of one kid searching a house and getting killed, and then another kid searching for him and getting killed, and so on and so forth. Not a fan of that sort of plotline. But, the details and characters of this movie were so twisted and bizarre that the finale was a quite a memorable and horrific thing to behold. I mean, leatherface was a pretty screwed up character to begin with, but having his demented family together in one dining room was something else. I'm not really sure if I can give this film my seal of recommendation since it's not my style of movie, but I will say that there were parts of it that creeped me out and that it struck me as being well done for its genre. "Children of the Corn" - "Corn" is right. Wow, this film was just awful in every regard! For starters, this movie had absolutely terrible casting, as the kid actors used to play the Children were pretty much hilarious in appearance and diffused any sense of menace from the flock. Isaac, the leader of the bunch, had a vocal tone and appearence that sort of ressembled Cartman from "South Park," which is hardly fitting of a supposed religious child leader. On top of that, there were no real scares, no suspense, bad dialogue, outdated tropes, and a couple of laughably bad special effects to boot. Unfortunately, I can't recommend this as a B-movie to laugh at either, as most of it was pretty much boring and devoid of indeliberate humor. Although, I have to admit, seeing someone put up on a cross and then watching that cross blast off like a rocket into the sky had me dying. Oh, and whoever had the idea of having corn husks attack the protagonist near the end needs to be shot for the sake of horror cinema as a whole. I mean, I guess I could see it scaring farmhands who don't get out much, but otherwise I think that corn is about the least menacing plant imaginable. Avoid this film. I still need to see "The Exorcist," but have it on my list. I'm also gonna be doing a big review post for David Cronenberg's earlier films some time soon, and those tend to be pretty twisted and horrific as well...

Light pierces through the darkness of the blocked lens as one of the Squiduster's legs slowly peels off, followed by another leg... and another, and another. The Squiduster falls in time for the camera to catch Wyvern gaping at the bent position of CheerMynx's legs after her slip, squinting in the hopes of spying beyond the petticoat as he reaches down to help her up. The Squiduster jerks to life from its position on the ground and begins slowly crawling back towards CheerMynx's bed, ignored by the general public as the news crew busies itself with rearranging CheerMynx's bedroom to get it back to normal. "Ewww." CheerMynx whimpers a bit at the sticky slime that stretches from her paw as she lets go of Wyvern's light blue claw. "Wyvern, you've like really got to use nicer-looking fish for your cleaning sales." "If you sssay so, CheerMynxie." Wyvern taps the side of his cheek as he watches the position of a black hair extension that travels down CheerMynx's neck, then snaps into a clearer state of conscious and clears his throat. "Lisssten, errr, CheerMynx, about the whole Almost Intern Fashion Fund thing. You know there'sss nothing I'd like more than to give you the moolah you need, but we're a little tight budget-wise and I jussst think-" Wyvern pauses as he notices CheerMynx leaning forward, her eyes extra-wide saucers of cat milk, her ears slightly drooped and her paws pursed together. "Pllleeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeee?" "Well, uhm..." Wyvern's blush from CheerMynx's "adorable makeover" comment deepens. He breaks into a sweat and twiddles his claws, biting his lip as he tries to balance the options in his head. "I mean, y'sssee CheerMynx, now that we're getting viewers, I kinda wanted to horde a bit and- well, I mean... errr, this fund would be for outfits you sssay?" "Totally." CheerMynx reaches for one of the shoulder straps of her dress and pulls it up to accentuate her point, causing Wyvern to go still. "Like, stuff like this can cost extra. And I would make it sooooooooo totally worth the geld, Wyv." "Wellllllllll..." Wyvern wheezes out a nervous little laugh as he pulls a blank sheet of paper from his Devil's Advocate folder. "I guess maybe a sssmall 4% fund wouldn't hurt?" CheerMynx lets out a short squeal of excitement. "BUT, we'd both have to play our parts in making sssaid funds. You can uhhh, y'know, ssstart by wearing these." Wyvern reaches into his sack and passes CheerMynx a skimpy two piece billboard advertisement for Almost Dragonic Brand Billboard Lingerie™, along with the newly penned Almost Intern Fashion Fund agreement. "Jussst sign over there on the dotted line, next to the squid slime smudge."

“SALE! SSSALE! $$$$$$AALLLE!” Wyvern continues chanting his mantra as the cameras power on and circle the decorative flourishes of CheerMynx’s bedroom HQ. The room is so loaded with product placement that it’s difficult to recognize the familiar pinks and pompoms of the cheerline’s sleeping quarters. Large billboards for Almost Dragonic Brand Granite Orc Frisbees™ and Almost Dragonic Brand My Pet Goblin Rocks™ cover most of the walls, their flat stone images identical. Troglyodyte newsmen hang from short unstable cords connected to the ceiling, tossing confetti with the names of Almost Dragonic Brand Products as the cameras pass by. Even the boy band poster for Harley’s Halfings that hangs over the far end of the bed has been edited to fit the occasion, with the macho halflings of the band holding pasted cut-outs of Almost Dragonic Brand One-String Imp Guitars™. “Greetingssss, and welcome to the Black Monday savings hour, brought to you by the Almost Report.” Wyvern spreads his arms wide and lifts a long corncob cane in one claw, his bright orange and yellow scale patterns contrasting sharply with his white Almost Dragonic Brand Used Ghost Rag Tee™. The overgrown lizard stretches his striped wings and points his cane towards the cameras. “Who needs Black Friday when you can find your sssavings right here, in this exclusive 2% off sssale on everything Almost Dragonic! That means you can buy a set of Almost Dragonic Brand Torpedo Fuse Cords™, an Almost Dragonic Brand Ogre Alphabet Ouija Board™, and an Almost Dragonic Brand My Pet Goblin Rock™ together for a total of half a geld in savings! We’re taking all callers, ssso drop us a line and drop some of your weight in geld while yer at it.” Wyvern strikes a toothy grin and winks towards the cameras. He swings his corncob cane in the direction of what appears to be an old phonograph record player with a sprite tied down to a piece of metal in the place of a needle. “This Almost Dragonic Brand Sprinographic Sound System™ is perfect for background music during those ssstressful incantations, and comes with a free ’Epilogue EP’ courteousy of Almost Draconic Recordings. The EP featuresss song selections from mai takekaze, Mira, the Portrait of Zool, Kikuyu Black Paws, and Patrick, and can also be downloaded for free from the Cabaret Room.” Wyvern mumbles something under his breath and taps the record player twice with his cane, evoking yelps from the attached sprite. “Of courssse, downloading from the Cabaret won’t give you that squeaky Sprinographic sound… 450 geld, cheap!” Wyvern twirls his cane and swings it in the other direction, pointing towards a feather duster handle that has large squid tentacles hanging from its tip. “And how about this lovely Almost Dragonic Brand Urchin Squiduster™? Perfect for cleanin up tricky office messes, like that Recruiter’sss Office mess that Patrick is inquiring about. Pick one up so you can help Patrick clean the Office feathers after filling him in on some of the backstory. 130 geld, cheap!” Wyvern attempts to pick up the Almost Dragonic Brand Urchin Squiduster™ from its position on CheerMynx’s bed sheets, only to find that the tentacle suckers cling to the pink fabrics tightly. The overgrown lizard tugs for a few minutes, then gives up and grumbles as he turns back towards the cameras. “Alssso, don’t forget to purchase your full supply of Almost Dragonic Brand Schemer’s Digests™ for killing time… you may need’em for the Pen’s upcoming down time, however short it may be. To thossse of you who missed Patrick’s emergency broadcast, we’re switching to a better host enchantment soon, which may result in a brief incantation period when the Pen will be down. Nothing that the latessst articles on how to get rich in 60 minutes can’t fix. And did I mention there’s a ssscale grooming section? That’s only 80 geld for 10 Schemer’s Digestssss, get’em while they’re hot!” Wyvern flashes a signature sneer at the cameras, his oranges and yellows gleaming in a sinister manner. The overgrown lizard swings his corncob cane left and right, trying to point out all of the products on display and smacking one of the hanging troglyodytes in the process. Flyer confetti rains from the troglyodyte as if Wyvern had just busted open a pineata. “But don’t take my word for it.” Wyvern seats himself between the Almost Dragonic Brand Sprinographic Sound System™ and the Almost Dragonic Brand Urchin Squiduster™ on CheerMynx’s mattress. “You can hear about these purrfect products and more from our resident popular idol, CheerMynx!” With that, Wyvern points his cane in the direction of his co-host, silently praying for a discount sale on personal cheerleader performances…

Wyvern drops his makeshift slingshot and wipes the sweat from his scaly brow, breathing a long sigh of relief as Da Yog departs a happy troll. The overgrown lizard shifts a few broken boards to the side with his tail stinger, then rubs his claws together and frowns at the barren wasteland that's become of his confection convention. Smashed bases, broken signs, and club impact craters dot the Conservatory floor like an Almost Dragonic Brand Discount Skating Rink™. Wyvern wanders through the mess while trying to calculate the extent of the damages in his head, coming to a pause and losing track of the number when he spots the scattered remains of his Yog-Worthy Troll Sugar Clubs. The reptilian snorts and picks up one of the frail pieces of sugar, turning it in his claw and scratching his chin as he examines its texture. "Hrrrmmmm..." Wyvern taps on the surface of the jagged sugar, pausing as he notices the dents that the taps make in the frail texture of the fragment. The overgrown lizard carefully sets the sugar fragment on the head of a broken Frankenstein pilgrim ornament, then pulls up three broken boards of wood and balances them until they ressemble a temporary candy stand. The reptilian Elder licks his lips and sets about gathering the broken sugar fragments from off of the floor. He aligns them on the table and etches the word "Ego" into each one of them with the tip of a claw, then grins and raises a claw to his snout. "Right thissss way! Getchyer tasty Tzim-inspired Crush-able Egos right here. Crush'em with yer hand, give'em the sledgehammer treatment, chip away at them in bits and pieces, swallow'em whole. Jussst remember our catchy candy slogan: 'There's more than way to eat an Ego!'" Wyvern pauses and frowns as he suddenly notices a glaring discrepancy in his new candy. He curses to himself and searches left and right for a tin of coacoa, a can of fudge, a ladel of AoA syrup, anything chocolate that he might drench the bite-sized Egos in. He bites his lip when he comes up short, frantically turning over collapsed carts in the hopes of finding some chocolate ingredient before any Egos get hurt...

I've been seeing loads of films recently in the hopes of writing a larger collective post about my impressions of Cronenberg's earlier work and my thoughts on some horror flicks as well, but for now I wanted to comment on a few other films that stood out to me recently. "No Country for Old Men" - The latest opus from the Coen Brothers, who brought us such great films as "O Brother Where Art Thou," "Fargo," and "The Big Lebowski." Many people are arguing that "No Country for Old Men" is their best movie to date, and I think I might have been a bit overhyped for it when I went to see it in theaters. It's a very good movie, with lots of interesting characters, an unpredictable plot progression, and quite a bit of visual umph... but at the same time, it's not quite as good as the other three films I mentioned in my opinion. This is the darkest Coen Bros. movie in a while, dealing with a drug bust gone wrong and a man who decides to walk away with a huge bag of money at the risk of being hunted and killed. The highlight of the movie to me was probably the hitman, played by Javier Bardem, who had lots of great psychotic details, like the way he carries around an oxygen gun used for killing cattle to break the locks off people's doors. Things definitely didn't play out the way I expected they would in the film, which is a good thing for the most part. Definitely worth seeing, though you could probably wait to see it on DVD and wouldn't miss out on much. "Shortbus" - The strangest film I've seen in a minute, and probably the most overtly sexual film I've ever seen. The first 15 minutes of this film were in fact so loaded with explicit intercourse that I ended up pausing it and moving on to something else, and it wasn't until later that I decided to revisit it and watch it from front to back. After you give it some time, the open sexual content of the film starts to make sense, which leads to a strangely touching ending and quite an interesting examination of the role that sex plays in people's lives from a variety of different perspectives. Not all of the elements of the movie are as mature as they could be, and I was a bit sad that they didn't tie together the story of the emotional dominatrix more, but overall it was pretty interesting and held my attention. Not essential viewing, but definitely an oddity if you want to go for something different. "Requiem for a Dream" - Finally got around to watching this, and I really don't get the hype. :/ I wanted to give Aronofsky another chance after "The Fountain,' but thought that this was a pretty bad movie in every regard. My criticism of this movie is actually almost identical to my criticism for "The Fountain," as I thought that the flashy imagery of this flick was ultimately hollow and conveyed a very shallow message with little depth. What's frustrating is that there was some potential for development with the character of the mother and her diet pills, but ultimately all of the characters ended up seeming like cardboard cutouts meant to drive across the message of "Don't Do Drugs." This played out like an extended anti-drug advertisement to me, only more over-the-top... the best thing that I can say for it is that I found it slightly better than "The Fountain," but not by a very large margin. Needless to say, I won't be checking for "Pi."

The Mighty Pen "Epilogue EP" 1) "Fake Wings" by Yuki Kajiura (chosen by mai takekaze) 2) "Passing Afternoon" by Iron & Wine (Bonus Track, chosen by Mira) 3) "Blue Moon Revisited" by Cowboy Junkies (chosen by Zool) 4) "Morphing Thru Time" by Enigma (chosen by Kikuyu Black Paws) 5) "Another Day" by Dream Theater (chosen by Patrick) How available for free download with artwork as a zip file here: http://www.themightypen.net/Epilogue%20EP/Epilogue%20EP.zip The "Epilogue EP" serves as a companion piece and follow-up to The Mighty Pen "Narratives," and includes tracks from several people who submitted excellent songs to "Narratives" but didn't end up making the final cut. Unlike "Narratives," the "Epilogue EP" is not a compilation of story songs. Instead, it's a mood piece with a quiet mystical atmosphere coursing through it, the sort of music you'd hear during the end credits of some epic fantasy movie or deep within the recesses of an ancient magic library. If anything, the theme that courses through these songs is one of time and changing seasons. I think it sets a strong mood and am very happy with how it turned out. I hope you enjoy it as well! Those of you who are still sleeping on The Mighty Pen "Narratives" compilation can download it here: http://www.themightypen.net/Mighty%20Pen%20Narratives/ That pretty much wraps this project up... A quick thanks goes out to Patrick for helping me host both of these files on the Pen's webspace. :-)

"Annnnd all done!" CheerMynx dusts off her paws and pulls the towel away from Wyvern's face with a grin. She turns to the two troglyodyte makeup artists that had helped her drag the chair in and points towards Wyvern, giggling fondly. The two reptilianoids can't help but giggle back... particularly the troglyodyte wearing several casts and bandages, who breaks into a fit of laughter and ends up collapsing and hurting himself again. "Oh wow, you're sssoooooo cute now Wyv. Take a look." "R-really?" Wyvern blushes a bit at CheerMynx's statement, then raises his head to take a look at himself in the mirror that's held in front of him. The color drains from Wyvern's face immediately, and his jaw goes crooked as he stares at the mysterious lizard in the mirror. The reptilian reporter's scales have been colored in bright oranges and yellows, which alternate with each scale and leave a distinctive checkered pattern. His horns have also been painted orange and yellow respectively, and his tail stinger has been dyed in glossy purple with a little pink bow tied around its tip. Wyvern raises a claw in disbelief, examining the light blue nail polish on his claws and noting the way that the scales leading from his snout up to his head have been ruffled to stick up slightly. He stammers, more than a bit tongue-tied at the sight of his makeover. "Ch-c-Ch-checkered, n-neon ch-checker patternsss?!" CheerMynx frowns, her eyes going a bit sad at the tone of Wyvern's voice. "You don't like it?" CheerMynx taps on the side of the mirror and tilts it so that Wyvern can examine his brightly striped wings. "Cus' I mean, we could totally soak you down and start from scratch, would only take a couple more hours an-" "Oh no no no no no NO NO!" Wyvern raises his claws and bites his lower lip for a moment. "NO. Thisss is, y'know, nice. It'sss uhhh, it's very colorful. It's just, can I get up now? Hey, HEY! Are you guysss actually recording this?!" Wyvern shoves a light blue claw towards the resident camera lens, blacking out the behind-the-scenes footage.

The sounds of many troglyodyte voices echo over the monitors as a rag scrubs its way over the dirty camera lenses, revealing more behind-the-scenes footage of the Almost Report. The poorly cleaned camera follows CheerMynx as she storms away from the pit of grease, finally up and flailing her paws left and right in frustration. A gang of troglyodyte make-up artists follow the frazzled feline and take turns dashing up to her in an attempt to help clean the mess, but each troglyodyte is swatted away from her in turn. "Oh my Gawd, this dress is totally ruined!" CheerMynx lets out a whimper and pulls off her bonnet, tossing back her hair in the hopes of getting rid of the grease before it messes with her conditioner. "This spot is sssoooooo unfit for my style, Wyv." "Oh." Wyvern nods for several minutes from his position leaning against the Roc ribcage, his beady eyes fixed on the low cut top of CheerMynx's pilgrim attire. The heavy grease stains rendered the front of the dress almost transparent and made it cling even tighter to the Almost intern's form. Wyvern reaches into his pouch in a mechanical manner and pulls out the Fake Tear Tissue. "Uhhh... yeah, sssorry 'bout that. Here, l-lemme clean that for you." Wyvern licks his lips as he steps forward and extends the tissue, only to droop his scales as CheerMynx turns away seconds before he makes contact with the front of her dress. "It's no use, this outfit is like done for! And after I'd ordered those matching panties and everything." CheerMynx doesn't notice Wyvern's eyes as they grow slightly wider. "This is just so un-pilgrim-ish you know?" Wyvern scratches his chin for a moment, then perks up his head as a thought occurs to him. The overgrown lizard breaks into a wide grin and steps closer to CheerMynx, rubbing a claw over his tunic with almost dragonic bravado. "CheerMynxy, baby, don't worry 'bout it. You did the Report proud tonight. You jussst need something to take your mind off of the whole grease mess thing is all." Wyvern bites his lip to hold back a squeal of anticipation as he pulls out two laminated vouchers from last week's report. "And I've got jussst the thing. It ssseems that the birthday folks from last week haven't claimed those vouchers you offered'em, and it'd be a shame to see such generous offers go to waste when the expiration date passes... especially that one offer, you know the one I'm talking about. What'sss say we find a private spot to stand under that giant table over there and I turn this voucher in so we can put it to good use?" With that, Wyvern grins and passes CheerMynx one of the vouchers with a trembling claw... unknowingly handing her the voucher for a free cheerleader grooming experience by accident.

The news cameras flicker on to what looks like an elephant cementary, with piles of gigantic bones scattered around a wide woolen carpet in a huge chamber of Buddhist ornaments. The cameras shift their focus to the left, pausing as they spot a giant Roc skull and eventually focusing on Wyvern. The overgrown lizard leans against a table leg that’s slightly taller than he is, picking his razor sharp teeth with one claw while adjusting the white smock that covers his scales with the other. The words “I <3 Gluttony” have been smeared on the front of the smock in heavy grease. “Greetingsss, and welcome to this week’s tasty edition of the Almost Report.” Wyvern spreads his arms and turns towards the piles of bones, the cameras turning with him. “Reporting to you live from the possst-Thanksgiving aftermath of Happybuddha’s dining quarters, with plenty of discarded leftovers to pick at. Now if you’ll excussse me, it’s time for my ‘1 Minute Into the Report Snack.’ The cameras follow Wyvern as he scurries over to a gigantic wing bone that measures at about twice his size, a bit of flesh and meat hanging from its sides. The reptilian reporter peels off a layer of tough Roc flesh and begins chewing on it with his mouth open as he continues. “To start this report, I’d sssimply like to dispel any rumors that last week’s episode of the Almost Report ended with lighting capable of inducing epileptic seizures.” Wyvern spits out a piece of muscle and coughs before swallowing. “Our official statement is that last week’sss report contained no safety hazards not already present on the show. And besides, even if it did, would you really have traded them in for CheerMynx’s skimpy day glos? O.K… maybe if she really did have to trade in the day glos, but that’s besides the point. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my ‘Pre-Pen News Item Snack.’” Wyvern examines the structure of the bones piled next to the giant wing, then snorts to himself and begins climbing up what looks like a crooked spine. The cameras wobble as they follow the lizard up the narrow climb, and come to a halt as they focus on him scooping up spots of stuffing by the clawful. “In Pen news this evening, the Almost Report would like to remind pennites to participate in the recent Pen Recommends votes for ‘Colonisation’ and ‘Click Clack.’ Wyvern pauses to load his mouth with the soft, squishy brown stuffing. “We’re *murfle, gulp* hoping to get at least 8 votes for each of’em, and there are currently only 4 and 3 votes for the works respectively. Voting closes Saturday on December 1rst, ssso please help us out by voting before then. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my ‘Mid-Report Snack.’” Wyvern trudges through the stuffing, carefully sliding his way between some ribcages and moving towards a large stain of mashed cranberries on the rather dirty wool of the carpet. The overgrown lizard kneels down and sticks the forks of his tongue into the stain while the cameras record it as if it were a wildlife documentary. “In other Pen news, the first chapter of perhapsss the most important club in Pen history has officially been opened. The I <3 Wyvern Club is all about the finer things in life, with the focus being on yoursss truly of course. *Ehehem!* In my opinion, every person applying to the Pen should be required to not only sign up for this club, but to perform a rights of passage involving the balancing of several bags of geld on two sides of a solid gold collection tray. Let’sss give it up to Degorram and Kikuyu for founding this landmark organization. Now if you’ll excussse me, it’s time for my ‘Before Wrapping up the News Items Snack.’” Wyvern slides his tongue back into his mouth and licks his lips, then turns towards a half-eaten piece of pie crust that measures up to his knees in height. He cracks off a piece of it with the back of his claw and begins nibbling on the flaky crust as he continues. “Finally, the Almost Report would like to send a special Happy Birthday out to Zariah, and would alssso like to take this opportunity to congratulate Zariah and Nyyark on their recent wedding!” Wyvern grins from ear to ear and pulls two raggedy tickets from under his bib. “That’sss quite a bit of celebrating in one week, so I decided to get ya these two luxury tickets to Happybuddha’s Post-Thanksgiving Dining Hall, where we’re currently reporting from. Offer expiresss as soon as room service gets here… I hope that you had a week full of joyous celebrations. Can we get some picsss or something?!” Wyvern waves the tickets towards the cameras and winks, then clears his throat and leans back against a large ribcage with a bit of a nervous twitch. “Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my ‘Eye Candy Snack…’”

Very nice poem, Silver Wind. :-) I really like how you tie together the natural imagery with the sensual qualities of the flesh, as it gave the visuals an original touch that made for an intriguing read. I particularly like how you tied together the theme of adolescence and growing into womanhood with the "virgin white blooms" as "breasts" in the sixth stanza, as the imagery was a perfect compliment to the coming of age there. The tone of nostalgia and loss that flows through the last two stanzas was well done as well, though I was a bit disappointed that "sensual innocence" was the only reference to the loss of sensation in the final stanza. Still, the feelings of loss at the end of the poem are heartfelt, which makes for a very good poem overall. With that, Wyvern pulls out a dirty quill and frantically begins scribbling the details of the "virgin white blooms" onto the back of a torn receit. The overgrown lizard tucks the scrap into his pocket and licks his lips, then dashes off in the direction of Gwaihir's greenhouse in the hopes of testing this particular species of plant out...

Wyvern stammers and backs away as Da Yog storms towards his booth, his enormous spiked club raised in hand. The overgrown lizard reaches for one of the Sugar Clubs at his stand, only to yelp as Yog's club comes crashing down upon the confections, shattering them to pieces. Wyvern grits his teeth and scrambles for pieces of his candy on the Conservatory floor, only to pause and gulp as a troll-shaped shadow looms over him. His scales droop as he stares up at Yog with tiny reptilian eyes. "Eheheh, hiya Yog, glad ya could make it. Lisssten, about the whole candy thing..." "Yog want CANDY!" Wyvern grimaces and quickly grabs a piece of broken sugar club from the floor, darting away seconds before Yog's club makes a spike-shaped impact crater on the ground. The reptilian Elder clambers onto an empty candy booth and runs, hopping from empty booth to empty booth as Da Yog charges forward and crushes things underfoot. Wyvern grabs an elastic pilgrim belt decoration hanging from a wall and snags a broken piece of wood up with his tail stinger, biting his lip as he frantically assembles a makeshift slingshot. He loads the sugar club chunk onto the pilgrim belt with a trembling claw, cocking it back and aiming it in the direction of Da Yog's mouth... "At least tassste it!"

Last night, I went and saw The Horse and the Hangar Race Through America Tour featuring Glue, Hangar 18, Richie Cunning, and the Instant Messengers at the Bottom of the Hill in San Francisco. I arrived at the venue on the late side and ended up missing the Instant Messengers set, which is too bad since I've never heard their stuff and am kind of curious as to what they sound like. My timing was good, however, in the sense that I got there just as Richie Cunning was setting up to start his set, and didn't have to wait long for the music to commence. The Bottom of the Hill is probably my favorite club in San Francisco, with great sound, lighting, and overall design. It was mostly empty for this show, with a tiny turnout of about 20 people or so, probably due to the Thanksgiving holiday and the show occuring on a weekday. Fortunately, the sparse number of people made for a very intimate atmosphere that added a special element to the evening's brilliant performances. Richie Cunning started things off with a fairly solid set of straightforward Bay Area hip hop. I'd seen him perform with Proe previously the last time that Glue passed through San Francisco, and he held his own solo quite well. He didn't have a DJ to back him up or anything and just used an iPod to play his tracks, but he does have a certain charisma in his voice that holds his tracks together. One particularly cool track he did used a sample from the movie "Legend," which was flipped into a pretty hype club-oriented beat. Pretty good set, overall. After Richie Cunning finished up, Hangar 18 took the stage and completely tore it apart! Da Hanga consists of emcees Alaska and Wind N' Breeze, with DJ paWL backing them behind the boards. They make fun, danceable, party-oriented electro-hop that happens to work wonders in a live setting. This was my first time seeing them live, and their set definitely floored me. I was the only person dancing in the front row when they started performing, and by the time they'd finished, they had the majority of the crowd grooving out to their stuff... quite an accomplishment in a self-conscious setting of about 20 people. They also interspersed their set with some comedy, including a hilarious discussion about hygiene where Wind N' Breeze noticed he had a toothbrush in his back pocket. They rapped over a number of excellent remixes to their tracks with skill and precision, with both of them being specialists in the rapid delivery department. They even rapped over some metal to live up to the Metallica song that their name is based off of. Really excellent set, probably the best of the evening... plus Wind N' Breeze was so impressed with my dancing that he actually gave me a free CD AND a free T-shirt after the show. Score! Hahaha. Once Hangar 18 had called it a wrap, Glue took the stage to perform as the headliner of the evening. I think I've described Glue's exceptional live set many times in this thread, with Adeem, Maker, and DJ DQ all being masters of their respective crafts and knowing how to work a crowd. This was my fourth time seeing Glue live, and they've always seemed to find a way to make their set special. Their live act has lost some steam and tightness since I first saw them perform in Virginia, but in the place of those elements, a new more improvisational act has emerged. There seems to be a lot more on-the-spot decisions in terms of how Adeem and DJ DQ coordinate their vocals and scratching, plus Maker is now a full part of the set and plays the drum machines live for more of an instantaneous feel. For this particular set, Adeem performed a few tracks on stage, then paused and talked to the small audience a bit about how they choose different approaches to different crowds. He then went into the center of the audience and performed the rest of his tracks from there. They did some really impressive numbers, including a brand new track and a mindblowing scratch routine from DJ DQ. There was a Hawaiian girl in the crowd who was really into it, and Hawaii ended up getting some major props over the course of the set! Once their performance was over, I chatted with Adeem and Maker for a while. Very cool, intimate set... another one for the records. And the cherry on top: I recorded a shout out from Adeem (lead vocalist of Glue and Dorian Three, plus two-time Scribble Jam MC Battle Champion) to The Mighty Pen, which includes a few of his thoughts on creative writing. ;-) Check it out here: (To those who are curious in seeing what Adeem can do in action, check out the videos of Glue's performance at the end of the following concert review: http://www.patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?s=&a...st&p=117871)

Very good poem, dragonqueen. :-) I admit that when I saw the title of the piece and noticed that it was a poem about alcohol, I feared that it would be a preachy anti-drinking diatribe... but I'm happy to say that the title of the poem is the only thing I didn't like about it. I found your depictions of alcohol and emotions very interesting, particularly with your emphasis on the auditory elements of alcohol, which I found original. I really like how you compare the sound of pouring alcohol to the sound of a beating heart, as it's a comparison that I hadn't noticed before and provides an interesting thematic element to your piece. I also like how you describe the pouring of the alcohol as a "sweet pulsing sound," as it gave some sense of the allure of booze and also hinted at the heart comparison with the organic "pulsing." Nicely done, dragonqueen. :-) For the record, while I've tried alcohol before and have drank in moderation on a few occasions, I very rarely touch the stuff... not really my thing, I think.

A faint electronic humming sound comes on in the background as the overheated cameras turn back on, slowly regaining focus and catching a rare behind the scenes look at the Almost Report. Troglyodyte newsmen trot around the bedroom left and right, dusting off various objects and placing any moved items back in their original positions. A troglyodyte with spectacles and a sheet of paper marks down the positions of various objects in relation to the cameras, while several troglyodyte technicians work on the equipment with oversized mittens to handle the heat. Wyvern sits at CheerMynx's makeup counter, flattening the soggy birthday vouchers and nodding in intervals as CheerMynx continues her story in the background. "... and so Jerry hooked up with Tina, when Danny TOTALLY knew that Lisa's sister dated Rick before Jessica had even *made* the cheerleader team. Like, some people are soooo clueless and only think about one thing, right Wyv?" Wyvern taps a claw on the makeup counter table and looks over the vouchers, then perks up his head as CheerMynx's question registers in his brain. "Oh, errr, right." Wyvern turns to CheerMynx and flashes a wide appreciative grin, then quickly turns to one of the troglyodyte news crew. "Yeah, I'm gonna need a blow dryer, a laminating machine, and maybe a litch-ward of some sort for the studio... we got any enchanted crosses?" The troglyodyte shrugs and wanders off to locate whatever he can find, causing Wyvern to curse to himself and pace back and forth for a moment. The overgrown lizard scratches his chin, then claps his claws together and turns towards CheerMynx. "Great reporting by the way, CheerMy-" Wyvern's tongue gets stuck on the last syllable as he absorbs the sight of CheerMynx in the middle of some pre-aerobics stretching, her loose T-shirt inching its way ever-so-slightly lower down her arms with each downward stretch, a hint of perspiration building on her neck and bosom. CheerMynx pauses and lifts her head up as she notices Wyvern staring, brushing her ponytail from one of her bare shoulders. "Yeah Wyv?" "Ah, w-well..." Wyvern's voice comes out in a hissy squeak, which he attempts to clear with a loud fit of coughing. "*AHEM* That isss uhh, I have exercise vids. Almost Dragonic Brand Dance Aerobic Exercise Videos™, to be exact. And, y'know, if you wanna uhhh... borrow one, I'm totally cool with that. All you need to own for'em is a steel pole and half a bottle o' oil, so..." ;-)

The news cameras flicker on to the image of a line of multi-colored pompoms haphazardly arranged on a shelf. They move down the line, revealing mostly variations of the color pink and a couple of extra large plush toys before picking up speed. The cameras gather velocity until the room’s décor becomes a blur, zig-zagging around and finally jerking to a halt when they spot Wyvern sitting on the ruffled sheets of a dark pink bed. The overgrown lizard twirls the end of his tail with one of his claws, flashing a razor sharp grin towards the cameras and tilting his head. “Greetingsss, and welcome to the new Almost Report.” Wyvern plucks the jingling furry ball from his tail stinger, eyeing it with an air of reptilian glee. “Broadcasting to you live from our brand new News Headquarters, right here at CheerMynx’s bedroom! We’ll ssstill be invading the quarters of other pennites fer good measure, mind you, but will always have a home to fall back upon with this feline fashion shangri-la. On that note, I’d like to once again formally welcome CheerMynx to the Almost Report. Thossse who missed the feline firecracker in lassst week’s report should start watching reruns pronto to see the breath of fresh, ambrosia-scented air that she’s adding to the Report… anything that gets The Portrait of Zool speaking in pictorial terms has gotta be good!” The cameras begin trembling a bit at the mention of CheerMynx, the troglyodyte news crew having not quite recovered from last week’s tangled camera wire fiasco. Wyvern tosses the jingle ball back and forth, then drops it into a pile of other fluffy toys and lifts himself from the pink mattress. “In thisss week’s news, pennites with a sweet tooth should check out the new Pen Confection Tasting Convention, the only spot at the Pen where you can honor pennites while pigging out at the sssame time.” Wyvern licks his lips at the Willy Wonka-esque potential of the event. “Sssponsored by Almost Dragonic Brand Mummy Bandage Candy Wrappers,™ and hosssted by yours truly. Check it out!” Wyvern pauses as his tail brushes over a pile of fashion magazines, accidentally picking up the vague scent of several scratch-and-sniff cologne advertisements combined into one. “In further news this evening, the Almost Report regretsss to inform pennites that arch-rival reporter Bob Soluberrin is at it again.” Wyvern scratches one of his horns and lets out a low hiss. “Despite Bob’s dull brand of reporting, we here at the Almost Report still encourage you to support the Pen Recommends by voting on the latest two works up for nomination, ‘Colonisation’ and ‘Click Clack.’ Voting closesss on December 1rst, 2007, so you can take yer time in reading through and assessing the works.” Wyvern jolts to a halt as a troglyodyte underling falls from his position in front of a large boy band poster for Elvez 2 Men. The reptilianoid hops back onto his feet and clammers back into his position on top of the shoulders of another troglyodyte, who stands on top of the room’s seldom-used dictionary. Fixed together in position, the troglyodytes block out most of the poster's elven imagery. “Sssspeaking of votes, pennites should feel free to drop their thoughts on Valdar’s upcoming Christmas IRC Party in the Cabaret poll of the sssame name.” Wyvern flexes his claws for a moment. “And as long as yer in the Cabaret, why not take a shot at Salinye’s latest life question about trust? Bonus pointsss if you can place ‘trust’ and ‘Almost Dragonic’ in the sssame sentence.” Wyvern winks at the cameras, then clears his throat and smoothes down his scales a bit. He rubs his eyes for a moment, still recovering from the stunning sight of last week’s skirt suit, then takes a deep breath and continues. “Finally, the Almost Report would like to send its belated Happy Birthday greetings to Appy and Vlad respectively.” Wyvern brushes a speck of pink fur from his tunic with a nervous twitch, trying to hide his excitement. “I’d read a quick set of Pen horrorscopes for the two of ya, but think it might be more interesting to watch our resident cute female intern read’em… So ssstay tuned for CheerMynx!”

Wyvern bites on one of his claws as he reviews his Conservatory checklist, flipping the sheet over and comparing it to the request letter from Finnius and Tanuchan written on the other side. The project was hardly the party they had initially envisioned him hosting, but he hoped that the All Hallows pennite cheer would seep in through the copious amounts candy. The overgrown lizard ducks under the glossy jack-o-lantern pie decorations that hang from the Conservatory entrance, passing the stuffed turkeys with bat wings that sit like guards at both sides of the doorway. The floor of the Conservatory has been covered with dirty paper towels, and a number of empty wooden stands line the walls of the chamber. Wyvern glances up at the giant candy yam decoration that hangs from the ceiling, sticking out his tongue and making sure that its still sprinkling sugar snow before wandering through the room and bumping the various stands with one of his claws. Once the overgrown lizard is certain that all of the stands are sturdy, he moves back to the entrance of the room and tacks up a sign that reads: --- Introducing: The Pen Confection Tasting Convention Brought to you by Almost Dragonic Brand Mummy Bandage Candy Wrappers™ Instructions: I. Participants create a candy meant to honor and represent a particular pennite, with or without the use of Almost Dragonic Brand Mummy Bandage Candy Wrappers™. II. Participants wait for their honored pennite to taste their candy in the hopes of an opinion or reaction. With or without the use of Almost Dragonic Brand Mummy Bandage Candy Wrappers™. III. Should that honored pennite be interested, that honored pennite can also create a candy honoring another pennite, with or without the use of Almost Dragonic Brand Mummy Bandage Candy Wrappers™. IV. Wash, rinse, repeat advertisements for Almost Dragonic Brand Mummy Bandage Candy Wrappers™. --- Having set up and proofread the sign, Wyvern rubs his claws together and heads over to one of the many vacant booths. He plops into the wooden chair and rests his tail stinger on the tabletop as he reaches down for his heavy confections. Wyvern grunts as he sets what looks like several large clubs capable of serious bludgeoning onto his table. The overgrown lizard grins as he knocks on one of the clubs to make sure it's solid as a rock, then lets the tips of his forked tongue touch the club to make sure that the concentrated sugar it's composed of is still ultra-sweet to the core. He jolts upright as the sugar content of the club dances through his mouth, then grins and waves a claw in the air. "Ssssstep right up, getcher bonifide Yog-Worthy Troll Sugar Clubs right here! Honoring Da Yog, thessse sugary weapons not only make a great dessert, but also are perfect for mugging other pennites for their candy! Who needs sugar sticks when you can have full-blown sugar CLUBS?! Limited quantities, 30 geld a piece, though Da Yog can taste'em for free!" ;-)

Bah, people can be so cruel to each other sometimes... :-( And a lot of the time, it has to do with people not being able to read each other's feelings, which makes misunderstandings inevitable. Or sometimes, people are just selfish and mean. I agree with Silver Wind that the line "I cannot breath inside this box" stood out, as did the line about time moving slowly... I think that both of those lines capture the feeling of yearning for a loved one well. Thanks for sharing this here, Degorram. We'll always be around to talk to if you need us.

Very good poem, Silver Wind. :-) The imagery and language of the piece definitely held my attention, with the "flesh and bone fresco" of the sky and the pair of watching eyes as the jester's profit standing out in particular. My favorite part of the poem was definitely the fourth stanza, though, as the simile of pulling teeth had a tone that complimented the concept of pulling more questions from answers perfectly. I was uncertain why you framed the poem with the jester, but after reading your explanations to Yog and learning that he's a reoccuring character, his presence makes more sense. Anyway, you should never feel ashamed of posting weird of surreal pieces here... those can often make the best poems. I would much rather read something strange and alien to me than something that I've read a million times before! Thanks for sharing this here. :-)

"Hrmmm..." Wyvern slowly nods and scratches his chin, then grins and reaches over the construction tape to pluck the photo folder from its resting place. "Yeah, that'll work. Thanksss again for the quality effort, Silver Wind." Wyvern signals to the two trogylodyte construction workers, tilting his head in the direction of Silver Wind and mouthing something silently. The underlings nod and step up to the resident photographer poet, offering her a pair of extra large scissors. "Jussst in time as well." Wyvern grins and leans back against a construction cone, almost falling as the cone tips over under his weight. He stumbles back to his feet and clears his throat as he regains his composure. "*Ahem* Yer mini-ssstatue is officially complete. Will you do the honors of opening Lady Winter Nook to the Banquet Hall public?" Silver Wind stares at the scissors and smirks, then takes them from the troglyodyte's hands and snaps the construction tape. Her face goes blank as she stares at the scarecrow-like oddity resting at the center of the Nook. The Almost Dragonic Brand Steel Irons™ that had acted as high-heeled shoes have been replaced by featherless goblin cushions meant to resemble bare feet. Two Almost Dragonic Brand Spikey Troll Baseball Bats™ impale the bases of the cushions with their spikes, accounting for the lack of feathers and rising up like a set of straight legs. An Almost Dragonic Brand Goblin Torture Rack Picture Frame,™ colored in a lighter shade of tan and chipped around the edges for a vague sense of curves, rests tacked onto the tips of the troll baseball bats as the central body of the statue. Silver Wind's "Lady Winter" poem is centered in the middle of the frame, next to the handcuffs and chains of the torture rack, though its been set there upside down by accident. Two Almost Dragonic Brand Sales Pitch Forks™ extend from the sides of the picture frame body, held in place by copper torture clamps and acting as the thin arms and fingers of the statue. The tips of the pitch forks are loaded with flyers for Almost Dragonic Brand Products, including flyers for many of the items that have been used to build the statue itself. An empty shoebox with a magazine cut-out photo tacked to it hangs from the right pitch fork by a knotted shoestring, with the words "Profeshanal Kamra" scrawled on its side. On the front of the picture frame body, above the "Lady Winter" poem, two Almost Dragonic Brand X-tra Large Inflatable Torpedoes™ extend like a pair of giant breasts. They float like two miniature blimps, smooth and gray with tiny red lights flashing on and off at their ends. Above the breasts, an Almost Dragonic Brand Zing Pong Racket™ has been placed as the neck and head of the statue, with Almost Dragonic Brand Hazelnutty Spread™ smeared in two dots for eyes and a cut-out smile for a mouth. Almost Dragonic Brand Kitchen Utensil Party Decoration Sets,™ consisting mainly of silver frying pans, hang from the shoulders, head, and arms of the statue like some sort of twisted kitchen jewelery. A number of thin light brown cords hang from the back of the statue's head, extending all the way the bottom of its picture frame body. "We couldn't find any mop heads for hair, ssso we decided to use Almost Dragonic Brand Torpedo Fuse Cords™ instead." Wyvern scratches one of his horns, then leans over to Silver Wind and whispers. "We're designating Lady Winter Nook a 'Flame-Free Zone', of course... it falls in line with the Winter part of it anyway." ;-)

Last night, I went and saw Offwhyte's "Mainstay" release party featuring Offwhyte, Qwel, Influence & Avalon, and Co-Styles at the Elbo Room in San Francisco. My last concert experience with Galapagos4 at the Elbo Room was not the best due to sound issues and overall sloppiness in the performances, but I had high hopes for this show since I hadn't seen Offwhyte live before and he's one of my favorite artists from the Galapagos4 camp (and one of the better rappers in general, for that matter). Fortunately, this time both G4 and the Elbo Room delivered with good sound quality and a strong set of performances. A 5-man bay area group named Co-Styles started things off with a very short set of around two long tracks. Oddly enough, I had heard about Co-Styles previously from two of my college DJ buddies back in Washington DC, though I’d never heard any of their material before. They struck me as a pretty good group during the short span of their set. All five members of the group were rappers, so there were a lot of mics passed back and forth and collaborative verses. None of the individual MCs stood out in particular, though one guy with a gravely reggae-like voice seemed a little better than the rest. As a group, they were fairly good and worked nicely as an opener. Influence & Avalon came on next. While they aren't technically part of the Galapagos4 camp, they've managed to open for at least three of their shows at this point and have been improving their set a bit with each show. This time was no different. Avalon seemed to be rapping better than I remember him capable of, and they had updated beats and better transitions for their tracks this time around. There was also one new number that really stood out for its hype beat and lyrics, which had something to do with resurrecting hip hop as a body snatcher. Good stuff overall, nice to see that these guys are still on the grind. Qwel was the next to take the stage, and probably put on the best set of the evening. Backed by Dallas Jackson behind the boards, he started things off with his extra-hype track "The 'It' in Keeping It Real" and carried a very strong and energetic momentum for the first couple of songs before going into some of his more experimental (but equally good) material. His set was interspersed with some interesting philosophical comments related to the themes of his songs, and he performed everything in a passionate and unrelenting manner. One major highlight of his set was the way that Dallas Jackson altered the beats to his songs to make them sound better in a live setting, as was particularly apparent in the wicked choice of soul samples for a live rendition of Qwel's famous track "The Highest Commitment." The only thing I didn't like about the set is that Qwel always stands still on stage while he raps, which can sometimes be boring to watch. His animated lyrics and cadences make up for any visual failings, though. Definitely a high quality set from Qwel, the best I've seen from him in a while. Offwhyte, who performed with DJ Dan One as the headliner and final act of the evening, more or less lived up to my expectations. Like Qwel, he's not an artist whose live show is super different from his recorded material, but witnessing his consistency and lyrical prowess in a live setting is a treat. I would say that he's a slightly more stylistic MC than Qwel, with more intelligent lyrics and concepts than you can shake a stick at. For his live set, he had more motion on stage than Qwel and Dan One provided some strong scratches to compliment his lyrics. He ripped through a number of his better tracks, including "Complex Destiny" and a rousing rendition of "Whimsical" from his new album, though I'm disappointed that he didn't get around to performing "UPS" which I think would make for an amazing track live. He ended his set with a hilarious cover of some mainstream rap song, and made it sound good over a really nice beat. I should also note that Offwhyte is way shorter than I expected he would be in person... I gave him a pound and a hug after the show and was afraid I was gonna crush the dude or something! Anyway, solid sets all around, which made for a very good show.

The news cameras wobble and focus on the image of Wyvern’s wings, which rest folded over the reptilian reporter’s back. A slight lens glare blinds the image for a moment as the cameras trail down a bit, spotting Wyvern’s tail and following its motions over a comfy white cushion. The cameras eventually come to a stop as they reach the tail stinger and the parallel reversed tail stinger that rest at the end of the tail. They zoom out to reveal Wyvern sitting on a comfy cushion in a room filled with mirrors for walls, his tail stinger touching one of the mirrors in manner that’s bound to evoke bad luck sooner or later. Wyvern claps his claws together and turns his head once he notices the news cameras, grabbing a furry ball with bells resting next to him and squeezing it with a claw. “Greetingsss, and welcome to the Almost Report.” Wyvern picks up the furry bell ball and jingles it a bit as a sort of entrance chime for the show. “Reporting to you live from the quartersss of a special feline pennite whose name shall remain a mystery until the end of this report, purely for purposes of sssuspense. For now, let’sss just say that the Almost Report’s presence in these rooms is only half-illegal… we must be getting sssoft.” Wyvern clears his throat and turns his eyes towards the fuzzy ball as he jingles it again by accident. He raises the ball above his snout and jingles it again, somewhat transfixed by the catchy sound and addictive feel of the ball. “Hunh, this thing is really…” A troglyodyte underling steps out from behind the scenes and taps Wyvern on the shoulder, pointing him in the direction of the cameras before disappearing again. “Oh, errr, right… the newsss. In headlines this evening, Sssalinye is hosting a Cabaret discussion on current activity levels at the Pen which everyone isss welcome to drop their thoughts in. For my part, I regret to inform you that my activity level has never dropped over the yearsss… I’d say I’m still far from milking this spot of geld and hot chicks. Oh yessss.” Wyvern winks to the cameras, then begins tossing the furry jingle ball from claw to claw in spite of himself. “As long as yer checking out Cabaret Room discussions, you might want to leave comments in Katzaniel’s recent Pen Carnival discussion, hopefully keeping the all-around awesomeness of the Carnivals in mind.” Wyvern pauses for a moment as he begins tossing the furry ball up and down in the air, throwing it higher with each toss. “And ssspeaking of Katz, you may also want to spare a few quarters to play her text-based video game simulator, an ancient arcade machine recently fixed by the Tigertaur herself. Feel free to plug some Almost Dragonic Brand Products in-game while yer at it as well.” Wyvern curses as he accidentally drops the furry ball. He jumps out of his seat, knocking the ball with his tail stinger and sending it rolling into the next room. Wyvern dashes after it, with the shaky cameras following in hot pursuit, until the news team convenes in the central living room of the mystery feline’s quarters. Wyvern glances up from his spot hunched over the ball on the floor, admiring the renovations of the chamber. With the lovely interior design and bookshelves full of artifacts and tomes, one would have never guessed that this had once been a stealth sprite disaster zone. “*Ahem*” Wyvern turns from the furry ball for a moment to pull out a news sheet from his front pocket. “In further newsss, the Almost Report would like to send belated happy birthday wishes to Ayshela, who celebrated last week. Hopefully you and yer kitten minions’re enjoying the show… I got some Almost Dragonic Brand Pen Policy Scratching Posts™ for’em once it’s finished, though this furry bell ball is off-limits I’m afraid. We here at the Almost Report would also like to send belated birthday wishes to Blondemoon and MinimondoT. I always appreciate you two browsing, feel free to drop in any time!” With that, Wyvern slowly grins and lifts himself to his feet, impaling the furry ball with his tail stinger so that he won’t lose it. The ball jingles as Wyvern’s tail sways back and forth. “And lassst but most certainly not least, the Almost Report would like to introduce the latest addition to our team.” Wyvern rubs his claws together and licks his lips as a door at the far end of the room creaks open, bathing the surrounding area in fluorescent pink light. “That’sss right, the Almost Report’s got a new cute female intern and co-host, one sssure to keep your eyes glued open with plenty o’ spunk and charisma (amongst *other* things). Introducing, the one, the only…” *cue troglyodyte tin drum roll*

Wyvern sulks as he lets the swamp water drip from his scales, his hatred for H2O growing by the minute. Kikuyu's angry tone wasn't helping the overgrown lizard's situation either, though her wet dress and smeared makeup were welcome distractions from the soaked state of his scales. Wyvern nudges his horns a bit, evoking a little yelp from Kikuyu. "What'sss the matter with cutting the lightsss?" Wyvern bites his lip as Kikuyu yanks her head in his direction, pulling his head down and glaring at him with an even more infuriated gaze. "OK, OK! Let's at leassst try to stand, this water stuff's driving me nuts. Medic!" Wyvern grunts and slowly begins raising himself up, careful of the position of his horns as he extends a claw and helps Kikuyu to her feet. The two of them wobble to a standing position, dribbling water and runny druid paint onto the dancefloor. In the background, the band begins an extra slow rendition of "I'll Always be Your Blood-Sucking Freak." Wyvern stands still and taps his foot to the rhythm, then perks his head up as he gets an idea, evoking another yelp from Kikuyu. "Sssssay Kikuyu... Y'know, this hair thing can't stop us from dancing, just so long as it's nice and clossse..." Wyvern grins and raises a claw to his head to brush his scales back in a hunk-ish manner, only to accidentally pull an Almost Dragonic Brand Tanglenet Headband™ from one of his horns. Kikuyu's hair immediately becomes untangled from Wyvern's horns, and she takes a moment to back away and straighten it before the lizard's set-up dawns upon her. Wyvern glances down at the Headband, then raises his claws defensively as he glances up at Kikuyu's angered expression. "Now wait a sssecond Kikuyu, it's eerrr, not what it looks like. It uhhh, this thing it ssslipped. Yep, that's it, slipped."

"Yikessss." Silver Wind raises a brow and turns her head towards Wyvern, uncertain if his comment was directed at her story or at the appearance of the Almost Dragonic Brand Sales Pitch Forks™ that have been set as the Silver Wind statue's arms. Wyvern licks his razor sharp teeth and twists one of the arms so that the flyers for Almost Dragonic Products on its tips are clearly visible. "Sssounds like it was a bit of a trek, hope I didn't put you through frostbite or anything..." Wyvern pauses in his architecture for a moment as a hard-hatted troglyodyte hands him the sheet with Silver Wind's traits listed on it. The reptilian Elder turns to Silver Wind and grins, raising the sheet so that she can see it above the construction tape. "Thanksss for the blueprint by the way, I'll sssee what I can do. Hey Shhifrock! Sllaamurk!" The two troglyodyte underlings scurry up to Wyvern, awaiting his commands. "Let'sss see here." Wyvern nods as he looks over Silver Wind's descriptive list. "We're gonna need two Almost Dragonic Brand X-tra Large Inflatable Torpedoes™, five Almost Dragonic Brand Kitchen Utensil Party Decoration Sets,™ a bottle of Almost Dragonic Brand Hazelnutty Spread™ and a mop head." The troglyodytes raise their webbed hands to their heads in a salute, then dart off in different directions to find Wyvern's supplies. The overgrown lizard watches them dash off, then lets his eyes drift back over to Silver Wind. "By the way, I'm ssstill gonna need a description of the photo that you took of this Winter chick." Wyvern scratches his chin as he watches Silver Wind's face droop. "Sssorry, but I gotta make sure that it's worthy of my collection, just like I did with your photos last time. Yer dessscription of Lady Winter is kinda promising, and with all the hard work you put into staying put to get a hot pic, I'm guessing that your photographer skillsss paid off. So tell me... watcha got?!"

I like this poem, Yog. :-) You have a good eye for personal details that shines through and conveys the experiences of the poem well. I really like how you depict the fond memories of growing with the girl, and particularly liked the memories related to irritation... the way that you depict things like the sunburn and broken arm gives them an air of nostalgia and makes them feel like things that are missed, which rings true. The poem is also thematically strong in a highly personal way, and drives across your emotions well for the most part. The last four stanzas where the woman's death is revealed along with the inevitable grief and shame were nice in the manner that they relayed the chaos and disbelief of the situation in their tone, but were not as strong as the other stanzas to me as they didn't have the same eye for detail or convey as strong an emotion to me. They felt more like a universal poem of mourning, whereas the first four stanzas felt more personalized. The "And giggle at their cuteness" in the fourth line of the first stanza didn't seem to fit with the grammatical nature of the rest of the lines, and you might consider adding a "we'd" after the "And" there should you choose to fix it. Also, is there any particular reason that all of the lines start with capital letters? I found that the capitals distracted me from the grammar of the piece a bit, particularly in the first stanza. Anyway, very nicely done Yog. :-) Thank you for sharing this personal piece here, I'm glad that you feel open and comfortable in posting it at the Pen.