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What mine looks like  What yours looks like  I'm doing everything from my phone. I'm putting it here because this works.

Sunrise. The Growing Golden Glow of Dawn's first and faintest light, Shines through the clouds, Those Curtains of the Night, That try and hide the Sunrise from our eager sight. And they fortell the coming of a Warm and Golden Light,  The Sun's own bright fingers that  pull back those curtains of the night  To reveal a silent gold explosion  That starts the day off right.

Editing notes. I'll go back and do the actual editing later or on the iLands version. This is just to put it somewhere for later. Basic idea for fixing the main issues that have been pointed out. People named and then not talked about. This is going to be a rather long story, and it connects to a larger world. The people named are potentially going to show up later in the story. Not sure what I can do about the mentioned then dropped effect around where they are first named. Expanding the scene to talk about them more feels like it would make it worse.  The time spent in Umbraheim should be expanded. Stay longer search more. Have the Hunger for brains become more of a thing while he's there. He's not going to start looking at his friends as lunch unless the Hunger was getting really bad. But if he hasn't eaten in over a week and someone who doesn't like Mindflayers tries attacking him... Not sure if I want him to actually eat a person's brain here and find the fungus bland afterwards or have him stop himself from doing it. But only just barely. Maybe try being a Bard while there. Either openly looking as he does. People there might not care too much about what he looks like if his performance is good enough. Then again, maybe some people would have a problem with a Mindflayer just walking around.  Need to think about that some more. Drop the Shankara Stone. They go to Istanople for the Archives there and learn about the Stone after they've been there for awhile. I need some way to tell the reader what a Dracknalitch is without being tedious or info dumping. Might just name it in the story and describe it in an appendix/notes section. Might do that with everyone Named in the story as well as a quick fix for the named and dropped problem when he meets up with his friends. Dracknalitch is the undead phase of a Shadow Dracknid's life cycle. Many creatures that have the Shadow type become fully Undead with enough time has passed. Forming a Phylactery as an innate ability. A Dracknid is typically a created creature used as a guard/watchdog or in some similar role. They are able to reproduce biologically and there are wild/free individuals in some places. Spider like main body with six legs, then where the head would be on a giant spider you have the neck and head of a Dragon with a pair of arms/forelegs about halfway between the main body and the head. The hands are three fingered and clawed. Usable as weapons each being roughly equal to a dagger. The head can deliver a bite attack as well as having a Breath Weapon attack. The exact nature of which depends on the Dragon type the Draknid is based on. Blue is the preferred version as this gives the Draknid Shockweb as it's Breath Weapon allowing them to Shock intruders unconscious while sticking them to a wall to be dealt with later. And I should probably put the stuff about Draknids in its own post somewhere. And, yes. At some point I will do a post of all the People Named in the story. Should probably include other people of interest that appear in the Shard Scape in general. Definitely a separate post for all that. People of Intrest in the Shard Scape and elsewhere.